Husband threw cat after scratch

[Friarclose]

Tonight while trying to hold her still for a flea treatment, our cat severely scratched DH, drawing blood. DHs immediate kneejerk reaction was to throw the cat to the floor, hard. She missed the corner of a wooden table by about 4 inches.

DH is fuming that my only reaction was to scream at him for throwing her and not caring that he was bleeding. I know he was hurt but to throw her like that???

AIBU? was it just a reaction to being hurt or would other people put the cat down carefully regardless of being hurt? I'm really upset 😡

Astonished at the number of people saying “yeah sounds reasonable!” but the other day when it was a dog, it was LTB.

That's a terrible thing to have done. If you have a cat, you have to accept you will get scratched at some point, because you can't explain to the cat that any unpleasantnesses it has to go through, for example, medicine being administered, is for its benefit, so it just thinks you are doing something nasty to it and lashes out by instinct.

I would be wary of trusting him with the cat again, and if this is any kind of pattern of behaviour, he would be gone - never trust people who hurt animals.

Instinctively dropping or pushing the cat away would be a natural reaction to sudden pain & fear that it would scratch again.

But purposely throwing the cat is not acceptable.

Having had many cats I have been bitten and scratched countless times and never felt the need to violently throw them.

It seems to me that he wanted to punish the cat and did this out of anger, rather than as an instinctive move to protect himself.

I would keep the cat and get rid of the boyfriend...

As PP said, swaddling a cat is other option. But I find that one is more distressing to my cats.
Still, when I had to rinse their nostrils with fluid or feed them medicine from a syringe for the 20th time, I did it.
I found it has to be quick, because they can get really hot. At least my black one.
But, number one thing to do. Be at floor level.
You can back them into a corner, if needed. So you only have to worry about them moving in one direction.
I know it is hard. The relationship with your pet is meant to be all fluffy and happy.
But when it comes to medical care and basic grooming, it has to happen. That is really.
My cats are not 'talking to me" at present, because I dared to brush two of them on Sunday. Oh, and I sorted one's nail, which was broken and sore. But they are sitting around, much cooler and comfortable, so they will be back for cuddles when they get over it lol.

Yes, but I think the cat most likely half threw itself trying to get away.

Disgusting man. Dropping the cat as a reflex is one thing, but throwing it is another.

'@LondonFox
Cat biting and clawing you is absolutelly not a part of owning a cat.
I grew up with animals and none of the cats ever did this nonsense past 7 months at worst.
You can google cat training, surely you will find method that works for you.'

Don't be daft.

I have had adult rescue cats who had had bad start in life and I completely expected to receive the occasional bite and scratch.

Happens to vets and rehoming centres staff all the time...when frightened some cats can lash out.

My neighbour has a loving cat, been with her since he was a kitten, but he still hates having flee treatments and will scratch and bite if not handled with care!

Were you there??!!! Did you see it happen??

Despite what you see on TikTok, most cats are not particularly compliant when it comes to medication 😂

One of mine is very weird and will just sit compliantly, the other will occasionally accept with bribery and the third needs swaddling and to be locked in a room, but even then he'll fling himself away from you.

Of course throwing a cat is horrendous but I do wonder whether this was a mix of him letting go and the cat flinging themselves away, especially if he's never shown any sign of aggression in the past.

It's quite obvious this was an accident from a poor reaction to pain, rather than some sort of pre-planned cruelty.

He's apologised, I'd leave it there.

No excuse.

TBH that would be game over for me. I’ve seen and had worse done to me by animals and there is no excuse to deliberate set out to hurt an animal - which is what your DP did.

It would be completely different if he had dropped the cat out of shock in a ‘shit that hurt’ way. But throwing? No.

Not surprised you’re upset, OP.

Why are so many people responding as though they were in the room and saw exactly what happened?

I know MN hates men but OP says her husband has never shown any hatred or aggression to the cat before and apologised afterwards.

Cats can be feisty and aggressive and will lash out and throw themselves away from you when they're frightened - isn't it infinitely more likely to be that (combined with the DH letting go) than a deliberate chuck across the room?

That sounds like a very interesting thread. Do you have a link?

I’d keep a close eye on your cat to check it’s not injured from being thrown. Cats are good at hiding pain but the force of being thrown may well have done some damage to the poor thing. I’d take to the vet to be sure.

Please don’t excuse his behaviour. It was cruel. How much does the average man weigh? How much do cats weigh? It’s pathetic that he did this, utterly deplorable.

Yet we’re horrified when people are cruel to other people. Empathy kindness and understanding animals is needed more in today’s society.

Some of the responses on here are exactly why I said to another OP on another cat thread, that I don't trust any strangers with my cats. The amount of venom against them is ridiculous.

Am with demon on this one. We have 3 rescues, one very ‘aggressive’ aka fearful, that used to lacerate us. Traumatised. Never ever thrown her down or would we. 11 years on she’s happy, loved and knows it. Just as well as she’s been diabetic the last 5 and needs an insulin jab twice a day. Can only build up trust with an animal if they know they’re safe with you. Never happen if you mean to hurt them by throwing them down.

So your DH helped you administer medication to the cat. Which is an act of care in itself. Then the poorly restrained cat scratched him and he reacted. Perhaps overreacted but he did react to pain rather than deliberately attack the animal. The problem here is that you and DH performed a procedure on a reluctant animal without thinking it out. Keep the cat and DH but look it up on YouTube first

I can understand your upset but I could imagine his response being pure instinct from what you describe.

You had better de-flea in future.

I did this once in similar circumstances. Cat tends to come to me when she wants to burn off energy and has a habit of hunting my poor unsuspecting arm or foot, so I'm not averse to a few (hundred) scratches.

Flea treatment time generally goes fairly smoothly. I hold her down gently, DP applies the treatment, and then she glares at us for a few hours from a distance.

This time though for whatever reason she went nuts. Bit me really hard, so I let go and then she turned round and started absolutely going for my leg. Got her claw hooked in and stuck, was really really painful. I had to pick her up to get her claw out of my leg, while saying "Oi" really loudly. (Which she usually understands as "You're going too far" when she's playing). Made no difference, and she starts going to town on my arm.

At which point my instincts just decided that this animal needed to be as far away from me as possible, and I underarm lobbed her across the room. There was no thought involved, I didn't think "I'm angry, I'm going to throw this cat", my lizard brain just went "need distance from this danger" and took action.

Luckily didn't hurt her, although she did suddenly calm down, think I shocked her. I felt guilty as fuck for weeks after, although she was over it within an hour, she'd have been more pissed off if we'd actually got the flea treatment.

If your DH is usually good with the cat @Friarclose , I don't think I could get too wound up that he acted on instinct once.

Just to ask, is your cat OK being fussed over and stroked normally? I find with cats who are like that, but hate flea treatments you can do it subtly. Just now and then when you're stroking them, do a little action like you're parting their fur in the spot you would put the treatment on. Even better if they enjoy a brush. When it comes to giving them the treatment, the action of parting the fur isn't alien to them then, and you just have to be ready and quick to do it.

Alternatively, the blanket burrito will keep paws away and allow one to hold the cat burrito and the other to administered the treatment.

Edited to add, thick fabric work gloves is another alternative for being scratch free. The silicone and rubber ones can freak them out but those fabric ones you can get, work a treat. They also help with picking up hedgehogs when they're all balled up in defense mode.

This! Cat scratches are literally a handful of small sharp objects tearing your skin open.
I think as it was a chuck to the floor it was instinctual. If it was across the room it would've been deliberate.

He's an idiot for doing that. My cat brutally maimed me the other day when I tried to treat his fleas and I was furious. I swore at him but would never throw him! He needs to wear gloves and a thick coat while handling the cat for medical treatment. One of you needs to hold him down and the other puts the stuff on. Neither should panic as it makes it worse.
I hope he apologised and knows you don't throw a cat no matter what. That's just what they do when they're scared.
I hope he's never shown any other signs of violence?

I have to say, I've handled a lot of animals in my life. I love animals. I've been scratched and bitten. I had a cat give me a puncture wound before. I've never thrown an animal. I just take the hit. You can't imagine Steve Irwin throwing an animal in a rage, and he was bitten loads of times.

I honestly can't believe some people are 'okay' with a cat that scratches you being thrown! My cats rarely scratch but if they ever do we would never drop or throw them. By we I mean me 46 F, kids 23 M, 20 M, 13 M and 10 F. Three of the kids are also autistic and have never dropped or thrown a cat! A horrible, OTT response to a cat scratch OP.