Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest a male curfew one night a week

786 replies

twojumps · 19/08/2024 17:41

when women can walk free in the streets without fear?

Yes, violence still happens in homes and behind closed doors but what a powerful message it would send.

I'd say every night but let's start with one.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Omlettes · 20/08/2024 00:56

brentwoods · 20/08/2024 00:27

This place gets more bonkers by the day . . . 🙄

Then go away

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 20/08/2024 00:57

Omlettes · 20/08/2024 00:56

Then go away

Show quote history

You're polite

Omlettes · 20/08/2024 01:00

Againname · 19/08/2024 23:04

Yes Yes Yes I know about violence at home thank you very much, already adressed that.
I disagree, if a curfew for women after Everard is called for, and a virtual curfew for women enacted during the Yorkshire ripper, then yes dammit I too call for a curfew on men.
Sick of the reasonable doormat approach, that you never hear from men.

I'm sorry if I missed your suggestions regarding DV. I'm skimming through this thread. So perhaps I'm being unfair as I haven't seen all your posts, but the one I'm quoting comes across as appallingly dismissive of DV. As if those women (who make up a large proportion of VAWG victims) don't matter as much as victims of stranger violence.

Again I apologise if I'm missing something you've said previously but it implies a sort of victim blaming attitude towards victims of DV. I don't see how being concerned for all victims of VAWG (and actually male victims too) is a "doormat approach"?

The high profile cases you mention made the news precisely because they're less common than domestic homicide. It's worth remembering that 3 women a week are killed by someone they know, usually a partner or ex partner - and usually when it's domestic homicide it happens in the home.

A curfew like the one suggested by OP is not only unhelpful, unfair on innocent men, and divisive (so would cause resentment) but it would also increase the risk of violence for DV victims.

Knee jerk gimmicks aren't what we need. We need helpful, effective and holistic actions. I've posted about what would help in my previous posts.

Well you jumped to a MASSIVE conclusion

Omlettes · 20/08/2024 01:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 20/08/2024 01:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Calling everyone who disagrees with you a "bloke" isn't the gotcha you think it is

churrios · 20/08/2024 01:14

TonTonMacoute · 19/08/2024 18:24

This, grow up OP.

There is a serious problem which needs properly thought out grown up solutions, not idealistic teenage claptrap.

Show quote history

So what’s your idea

churrios · 20/08/2024 01:19

Where are all these good decent men who are standing g up to abusers ? The are either abusive or silent and turning a blind eye

churrios · 20/08/2024 01:41

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 19/08/2024 23:16

No one has been able to address the fact a curfew would only lead to an increase in disgruntled men wanting to blame women for their issues. Nor the fact that it would trap victims with their abusers.

Once again, "all women" aren't restricted. Some chose to restrict themselves because they feel threatened. But plenty of women don't.

And this wouldn't stop women being hurt or abused. Women would still attack women. And then lesbians and bisexual women would become the target for the perpetually anxious as they would need a different group to blame for their anxieties and unease when out and about.

Also, it's well known that as under-charged Male on female sexual abuse is, it's even worse when it comes to female on male abuse. Because men don't feel able to report or aren't taken seriously when they do report. So statistics are somewhat skewed anyway.

seriously female on male abuse is worse? It happens but statistically be honest

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 20/08/2024 01:41

churrios · 20/08/2024 01:19

Where are all these good decent men who are standing g up to abusers ? The are either abusive or silent and turning a blind eye

3 men who have risked their lives to stand up to violent men have been in the news recently

London Bridge some years ago would have been much worse had men not stepped in to stop other men

Anecdotes on this thread alone have mentioned men stepping into to defend women from abuse

There was a story not long ago about a comedian who was encouraging men to speak to each other about when their behaviour wasn't right and to call each other out when they were inappropriate

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 20/08/2024 01:43

churrios · 20/08/2024 01:41

seriously female on male abuse is worse? It happens but statistically be honest

Show quote history

Congratulations on misreading that entirely

I said the reporting and under charging was worse and that the statistics are skewed due to continued feelings that men can't be abused by women.

churrios · 20/08/2024 01:54

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 20/08/2024 01:41

3 men who have risked their lives to stand up to violent men have been in the news recently

London Bridge some years ago would have been much worse had men not stepped in to stop other men

Anecdotes on this thread alone have mentioned men stepping into to defend women from abuse

There was a story not long ago about a comedian who was encouraging men to speak to each other about when their behaviour wasn't right and to call each other out when they were inappropriate

Show quote history

London Bridge was men stepping in to protect women?? Men stepping in against other men , not relelente

FrippEnos · 20/08/2024 02:00

churrios · 20/08/2024 01:19

Where are all these good decent men who are standing g up to abusers ? The are either abusive or silent and turning a blind eye

Or maybe as has been posted, most of that abuse happens behind closed doors and isn't seen by anyone.

Jumpingthruhoops · 20/08/2024 02:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Well, haven't you jumped to conclusions!?I'm a woman - I still think this comment is bullshit!

Sarah Everard was attacked by a cop, a man literally paid to protect the public.

But let's just blame ordinary husbands, fathers, sons, brothers just out and about of an evening minding their own business.

Seriously, calm TF down!

Jumpingthruhoops · 20/08/2024 02:40

noworklifebalance · 19/08/2024 17:59

Ha! I knew there would a string of NAMALT and the predictable “what about my son”
(and I say this as a mother of a lovely son, sister of a lovely brother and wife of a lovely husband).
Of course it is about all men.

Well, of course people are going to say that. You are literally saying all men are predators, which is frankly bullshit!

Jumpingthruhoops · 20/08/2024 02:54

Plzdontaskmyname · 19/08/2024 18:02

Those who think this suggestion is punishing the innocent for the actions of the guilty - what do you think about the parallel suggestions from the other side that if women don't want to be attacked, we should restrict our movements? What about those long lists of rape prevention tips like "don't wear your hair in a ponytail because it's easy for an assailant to grab" that go around the Internet once in a while? Are those punishing the innocent (women) for the actions of the guilty? Or is it ok that women are effectively under curfew in many areas?

Everyone - men and women - should adapt ways to protect themselves when coming home late at night. In an ideal world we wouldn't have to... but this isn't an ideal world.

What others choose to do is entirely up to them but if I was travelling home late at night, for example, I would probably do the following:
-Not wear earphones
-Not wear high heels (that I can't run in, either for a bus or from an attackers)
-Keep my phone out of sight
-Get a cab home from the train station.
-If I have to walk, stay in crowded, built-up areas.
-I don't drink but, if I did, I would think it unwise to get so drunk that I couldn't have my wits about me.

JohnTheRevelator · 20/08/2024 03:48

Can't imagine for one minute that any man who intends to harm a woman would take any notice of this.

Uglyandgrumpy · 20/08/2024 06:17

CoralReader · 19/08/2024 20:50

I guarantee you he is not a man though

Show quote history

Who's not a man

noworklifebalance · 20/08/2024 07:00

Jumpingthruhoops · 20/08/2024 02:40

Well, of course people are going to say that. You are literally saying all men are predators, which is frankly bullshit!

Show quote history

Of course I am not saying all men are predators- the level of intelligence on this thread is a new low

Wheredidileavemycarkeys · 20/08/2024 07:18

As you say a lot of violence happens behind closed doors. And I doubt a rapist (who is planning to break the law by, you know, assaulting someone) will be stopped by a curfew.

Dygger · 20/08/2024 07:29

JohnTheRevelator · 20/08/2024 03:48

Can't imagine for one minute that any man who intends to harm a woman would take any notice of this.

Not out of respect for the women in his life who he wants to show solidarity with? The 'nice' men on this board really can't see an inch past their own preferences, can they? If you cared a jot about the millions of women in the UK who've been sexually assaulted, harassed, abused, scared to go out in certain places after dark you might consider the possibility of voluntarily staying in one night.

But no. 'I'm not going to do it.' And what's more your wives are saying you're not going to do it, either. As a previous poster's said, the lack of insight and understanding here has reached an all-time low.

Dygger · 20/08/2024 07:32

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 20/08/2024 00:57

You're polite

Show quote history

Oh no! One of the 'ladies should always be polite' brigade is on patrol!

Uglyandgrumpy · 20/08/2024 07:37

Dygger · 20/08/2024 07:29

Not out of respect for the women in his life who he wants to show solidarity with? The 'nice' men on this board really can't see an inch past their own preferences, can they? If you cared a jot about the millions of women in the UK who've been sexually assaulted, harassed, abused, scared to go out in certain places after dark you might consider the possibility of voluntarily staying in one night.

But no. 'I'm not going to do it.' And what's more your wives are saying you're not going to do it, either. As a previous poster's said, the lack of insight and understanding here has reached an all-time low.

Show quote history

I've already posted, husband and dad of 19 year old daughter. I think it's a great idea. I worry each time they go out and they rarely venture out in the evenings because of the unknown.

Differentstarts · 20/08/2024 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

At this point your the only person I wouldn't want to be out at night alone with you sound so aggressive

Uglyandgrumpy · 20/08/2024 07:49

Differentstarts · 20/08/2024 07:42

At this point your the only person I wouldn't want to be out at night alone with you sound so aggressive

Show quote history

Well... you soon learn to avoid this type of person. Clearly not a good one for mornings😆

Swipe left for the next trending thread