Page 9 | Wedding guest dress

Shiningstarr · 2024-08-19T08:08:50+00:00

Family wedding next year.. seen this dress online that I love.... Would I be unreasonable to think this is ok for a wedding guest? Or is it too bridesmaidy? https://ohelloclothing.com/products/phoebe-midaxi-dress-hot-pink

NewName24 · 20/08/2024 21:09

JuicyBlueberry · 20/08/2024 05:54

These are my opinions and mine alone. No, I'm not a pearl clutching old bag. Just a dressmaker.

It's a dress that is trying to be pretty but failing.
It's too much.
It's cheap looking.
It's also made of cheap fabric. Zoom in.

I've had a look through the wedding guest dress category on that website.

You need to be very careful. The cut of their dresses is a bit off in general.
They don't even flatter the models for the most part. You run the risk of opening the box to find you are very disappointed.

You suspect the bride probably won't like you showing up in that or you wouldn't be asking. It depends how well you like her, if you're willing to risk upsetting her on her wedding day and possibly losing the friendship.

You can ask here but none of us know her and won't be there to back you up if she goes Tonto on you.

We all fall in love with an item of clothing, occasionally, that we convince ourselves is ideal just because we love the idea of it so much but it ends up more trouble than it's worth.

You just have to weigh up if your feelings matter more than the potential feelings of the bride.

Me, I wouldn't risk upsetting a friend over a dress. I would dress a bit frumpy to please a friend getting married, if that would make her happy.

Great post

NewName24 · 20/08/2024 21:15

No one ever accuses a man in a great suit of trying to upstage the groom, do they.

Well no, because a man in a suit wouldn't stand out. A suit is the usual, expected attire at most weddings. It is the normal thing to wear and wouldn't be upstaging anything.

I am finding it odd that people can't understand there is a very, very long line between 'frumpy' and the dress the OP is asking about.
I was at a wedding recently and - as you would expect - there were lots of young women there dressed beautifully. In dresses that were appropriate for a wedding. Not dresses you would wear to work, or to go clubbing, but elegant dresses for a wedding, or slightly more formal occasion than a night clubbing.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 20/08/2024 21:54

Men absolutely can, and do, wear suits which "stand out" compared to the groom

All suits aren't just plain blue or black

Add in ties which are a bit "extra", shoes, hair, beard...

Plenty of ways men dress up and showoff but they're never criticised for it.

They're often complimented if anything, for being different and daring and unique

exprecis · 21/08/2024 08:03

NewName24 · 20/08/2024 21:15

No one ever accuses a man in a great suit of trying to upstage the groom, do they.

Well no, because a man in a suit wouldn't stand out. A suit is the usual, expected attire at most weddings. It is the normal thing to wear and wouldn't be upstaging anything.

I am finding it odd that people can't understand there is a very, very long line between 'frumpy' and the dress the OP is asking about.
I was at a wedding recently and - as you would expect - there were lots of young women there dressed beautifully. In dresses that were appropriate for a wedding. Not dresses you would wear to work, or to go clubbing, but elegant dresses for a wedding, or slightly more formal occasion than a night clubbing.

I totally agree

For me this isn't about "upstaging" the bride or looking better than her or whatever but more about what appropriate formal attire is.

You wouldn't wear this to the office either - not because you would upstage your boss but because a dress held together by string isn't what you wear to the office.

There is a huge middle ground between "frumpy" (a word I hate anyway - because it's used to put down women) and a dress that's one dance move away from a wardrobe malfunction

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/08/2024 11:07

You wouldn't wear this to the office either.

I suppose this is where the qualifier of “knowing the tone of the event” comes into it. I’ve worked in offices where this dress would be absolutely fine and I’ve seen women wearing dresses like it (fashion, media, tech, startups) and ones where it wouldn’t be fine at all (insurance, banking, trading.) The OP presumably knows her family and friends and that she isn’t attending the very conservative wedding of a religious and modest couple with a lot of prim elderly guests where an exposed back and shoulders might be frowned upon because formal attire is expected. I’ve yet to see any thread involving somebody posting something they intend to wear to a wedding where they don’t already have a reasonably good idea of the tone of the event and the guests, more than strangers on MN will.

Namechange944 · 21/08/2024 11:34

ThinWomansBrain · 19/08/2024 09:50

Maybe a shawl or loose wrap over it in the day, but show off its full glory in the evening?

This.

SuckPoppet · 21/08/2024 11:58

No one ever accuses a man in a great suit of trying to upstage the groom, do they.

I might if the jacket and shirt were backless, showing their whole back and shoulders.

But my raised eyebrow wouldn’t be about being a ‘prude’ or upstaging anyone, it would be about flashing flesh in a church or formal occasion.

Calliopespa · 21/08/2024 12:17

There’s another thread currently with a dress for an autumn wedding ( green with autumnal colour pattern). It’s so much more in keeping with the sorts of things I see at weddings, and it reassured me that it really isn’t that difficult to get right. Obviously oP may have an idea (that I don’t) of what the dress code/ venue/ other guests suggest will be appropriate, but coming back to this thread after the other I was struck anew by this one seeming really ott. It sort of sits in an odd space between little girly and risqué. Honestly it looks to me like Bo Peep after a roll in the hay with her beau. But I guess different weddings might call for something more elaborate than others. This just kind of … seems wrong to me.

PussInBin20 · 21/08/2024 12:27

BluebellsareBlue · 19/08/2024 10:45

@BrandNewHeretic I know!!! Absolutely unbelievable!! In fact it's shocking, especially the comment regarding attention seeking, that's heading all the way back to r*pe and blaming the woman's choice of attire.

It's really really bad. I can only think that these posters actually do want people to not have any self esteem. If I was younger and had the figure for this (and not have massive boobs that need a bra) then I'd be wearing the hell out of that dress!!

Don’t be silly. It’s got nothing to do with that. It’s just that the only dress people should be admiring is the brides!

It’s just polite not to outshine the bride on her wedding day 🙄

exprecis · 21/08/2024 13:24

the very conservative wedding of a religious and modest couple with a lot of prim elderly guests

I really don't think a wedding has to be as you describe for a dress like this to be inappropriate.

I have been to many weddings, none conservative, none with lots of prim and elderly guests but none which had guests dressed like this.

Calliopespa · 21/08/2024 13:33

exprecis · 21/08/2024 13:24

the very conservative wedding of a religious and modest couple with a lot of prim elderly guests

I really don't think a wedding has to be as you describe for a dress like this to be inappropriate.

I have been to many weddings, none conservative, none with lots of prim and elderly guests but none which had guests dressed like this.

Yes it does get a bit tedious when an op posts for advice and then everyone gets noses out of joint if people say actually it isn’t really appropriate.
The problem in my opinion with this dress is there is just way too much going on. It’s a bold colour, it has ruffles, midriff cut outs and then a complicated lacing back feature. Any one of those is sufficient as the feature of a dress. I could see the laci g looming nice with that soft skirt if they had ditched the ruffles and cut outs and it was in a more sober colour- maybe a midnight navy. And the ruffles are ok ( probably in the pink still) without the cut outs and the laced back . And so forth. But altogether it is too unrestrained, which is why I think posters are saying it’s too “look at me.” It’s as if every attempt to attract attention has been thrown at the design gif fear there might be one angle from which the dress blends in with the crowd. It’s nothing to do with nonsense about wanting op to have low self esteem which is really just a manipulative attempt to stop people pointing this out. To me it’s more just poor taste to not know when to stop with the frills and features.

BluebellsareBlue · 21/08/2024 15:01

@PussInBin20 you can "roll your eyes all you like". I've never heard such rubbish! The only dress that should be admired is the bride. Absolute tosh! Have you listened to yourself?!? I was asked recently at the wedding I was at where I got my dress and complimented numerous times by other women, a couple of years ago even two of the staff at the event asked where I'd got my dress.

Should I be hanging my head in shame that others admired what I wore?!? I was no where near upstaging the bride I was just wearing beautiful dresses that suited me!! Get a grip ffs!!! 🤦‍♀️

Calliopespa · 21/08/2024 15:19

BluebellsareBlue · 21/08/2024 15:01

@PussInBin20 you can "roll your eyes all you like". I've never heard such rubbish! The only dress that should be admired is the bride. Absolute tosh! Have you listened to yourself?!? I was asked recently at the wedding I was at where I got my dress and complimented numerous times by other women, a couple of years ago even two of the staff at the event asked where I'd got my dress.

Should I be hanging my head in shame that others admired what I wore?!? I was no where near upstaging the bride I was just wearing beautiful dresses that suited me!! Get a grip ffs!!! 🤦‍♀️

Actually there is an etiquette code that you shouldn’t wear anything to “ upstage” the bride. Usually this means not wearing white or anything too much like a wedding dress. I’m not sure how you haven’t heard of this?

KimberleyClark · 21/08/2024 17:12

I could see the laci g looming nice with that soft skirt if they had ditched the ruffles and cut outs and it was in a more sober colour- maybe a midnight navy.

According to the link it does also come in yellow and in forest green, which might have been a bit better.

NewName24 · 21/08/2024 17:50

exprecis · 21/08/2024 13:24

the very conservative wedding of a religious and modest couple with a lot of prim elderly guests

I really don't think a wedding has to be as you describe for a dress like this to be inappropriate.

I have been to many weddings, none conservative, none with lots of prim and elderly guests but none which had guests dressed like this.

Absolutely this.
The wedding I was at most recently didn't have a religious element. Nobody was 'prim' (there were - as far as I am aware - 4 people in their 80s, but all very positive, forward looking people), but nobody wore anything like the dress the OP is asking about.

NewName24 · 21/08/2024 17:53

Calliopespa · 21/08/2024 13:33

Yes it does get a bit tedious when an op posts for advice and then everyone gets noses out of joint if people say actually it isn’t really appropriate.
The problem in my opinion with this dress is there is just way too much going on. It’s a bold colour, it has ruffles, midriff cut outs and then a complicated lacing back feature. Any one of those is sufficient as the feature of a dress. I could see the laci g looming nice with that soft skirt if they had ditched the ruffles and cut outs and it was in a more sober colour- maybe a midnight navy. And the ruffles are ok ( probably in the pink still) without the cut outs and the laced back . And so forth. But altogether it is too unrestrained, which is why I think posters are saying it’s too “look at me.” It’s as if every attempt to attract attention has been thrown at the design gif fear there might be one angle from which the dress blends in with the crowd. It’s nothing to do with nonsense about wanting op to have low self esteem which is really just a manipulative attempt to stop people pointing this out. To me it’s more just poor taste to not know when to stop with the frills and features.

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Very well put.

The thing is, if a person doesn't think there is any issue with an outfit, why would they ask strangers on the internet if it is appropriate or not ? There must, already be doubts.

BluebellsareBlue · 21/08/2024 21:58

@Calliopespa are you being deliberately obtuse? Of course I am aware of that. You shouldn't wear Ed either. Honestly you need to give it a rest now

YellowphantGrey · 22/08/2024 13:47

KimberleyClark · 19/08/2024 23:51

Most weddings these days are not church weddings. I’m sure most brides getting married in a church would not wear a backless dress. A strapless gown is a lot less revealing than the dress in the OP.

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My friends dress was long sleeve, covered at the front and completely backless. Absolutely gorgeous and a church wedding but no doubt everyone on here would be offended by the back being on show.

It seems backs are as offensive as ankles used to be. Oh the horror!

Bushmillsbabe · 22/08/2024 14:09

Is it a church wedding? If yes, would need to wear a jacket or cardigan in the church, to be respectful
Do you know the colour scheme yet?
We did our invites in our colour scheme as a hint to the colour the bridesmaids would be in.

Calliopespa · 22/08/2024 15:21

YellowphantGrey · 22/08/2024 13:47

My friends dress was long sleeve, covered at the front and completely backless. Absolutely gorgeous and a church wedding but no doubt everyone on here would be offended by the back being on show.

It seems backs are as offensive as ankles used to be. Oh the horror!

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I think long sleeves and a long skirt balance it out. It’s not the back that’s the problem; it’s when there’s bits of everything chopped away: back, midriff, cleavage. It sounds as though your friend’s was long sleeved and covered at the front, so that’s quite different.

exprecis · 22/08/2024 15:59

Calliopespa · 22/08/2024 15:21

I think long sleeves and a long skirt balance it out. It’s not the back that’s the problem; it’s when there’s bits of everything chopped away: back, midriff, cleavage. It sounds as though your friend’s was long sleeved and covered at the front, so that’s quite different.

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Yeah it's about overall look not exactly what is and isn't covered

This dress is sleeveless, low cut, with extra cut outs and completely backless

A bit different to long sleeves, high necked and backless.

Also often backless wedding dresses are worn with a veil in church

Mermaidsarereal · 22/08/2024 16:10

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/08/2024 09:51

I wasn’t aware that women’s upper backs and shoulders were considered so dangerously alluring as to be attention-seeking if shown. I think it’s a great dress, nice length, and unless the bridesmaids are also wearing hot pink can’t think how you’d be confused with one at all.

I was just thinking the same! Can't see how it's attention seeking at all! I'm getting married in November and I couldn't care less what my guests come in as long as it's not white!

Illpickthatup · 22/08/2024 19:55

exprecis · 22/08/2024 15:59

Yeah it's about overall look not exactly what is and isn't covered

This dress is sleeveless, low cut, with extra cut outs and completely backless

A bit different to long sleeves, high necked and backless.

Also often backless wedding dresses are worn with a veil in church

Edited

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My wedding dress was low cut, sleeveless, backless, with cut outs. I must be a classless heathen. 🤣

exprecis · 22/08/2024 20:15

Illpickthatup · 22/08/2024 19:55

My wedding dress was low cut, sleeveless, backless, with cut outs. I must be a classless heathen. 🤣

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You said it..

But yeah that does sound tacky

AzureOrca · 22/08/2024 20:17

That dress is stunning