Holidaying with young kids is a nightmare

[balconypus]

Mine are 2 and 4. I don't want to sound ungrateful as I'm aware I'm privileged to even be on a holiday.

But wow, it's exhausting.

The tantrums, the mess they make- how complicated stuff becomes with them.

Being at the beach with them is a horror show. They're constantly walking off, kicking their sandals off and then needing them put on a million times. ( they can put their sandals on by themselves but it takes a while ).

The constant tantrums my two year old has, for incredible reasons. Yesterday I went to get some food from a little shop with my 4 year old, while my H and two year old waited outside. They could see us and he saw they had lollies at the till. I hate lollies. They freak me out and I never buy them, as I feel like they're a choking risk. My kids only ever have them when someone else has given them a lolly. I feel anxious while they eat them.

In any case, long story short, my DD got one and my DS saw from outside of the shop and just would not calm down. Even though I actually took it off my DD as soon as she got it from the guy at the till. I didn't realise this was why he was having such a bad tantrum at all. Until a good 10 - 15 minutes went by when he finally said he wants a lollipop.

We took them to the funfair yesterday and my 4 year old had a tantrum because she didn't want to leave. Then when we went to the beach today, she had a tantrum because she didn't want to get out of the sea ( twice ). Throwing herself into the sand and just going nuts. If it wasn't one of them kicking off, it was the other really.

Anyway we are exhausted. Yes I've done all the, 5 minutes and we are leaving. It doesn't make any difference. Today it was my 4 year old having tantrums when leaving. Tomorrow it will be my 2 year old.

Let's not even talk about how absolutely insanely angry my 2 year old gets when he needs a shower or god forbid - a hair wash ! I can't remember the last time I was able to rinse shampoo out properly. He goes berserk. The anger that comes up in him when he needs a shower is incredible. He takes a long time to calm down after. But I have to wash him after the beach, what can I do.

In restaurants the little one is ok sometimes, but other times- he's absolutely not ok. Yesterday it was so bad, he was screaming so much and nothing calmed him down- so I had to go outside, to spare the other people eating. Today he was really good for a very very long meal.

Tonight we walked for a few minutes just to get some food to take away and he was not having any of it. He just wanted to walk around and not be in his buggy. But when he's just walking around, it gets stressful sometimes as he sometimes doesn't want to hold hands.

We are staying in a flat, which is also not ideal if you ask me- it's on the second floor and we have a car parked downstairs in the underground car park, no lift. It's just another hurdle really. Huge gates to lock and unlock. The kids just don't stay still.

We've only ever done a house or flat type holiday with the kids- where we drive to the beach. But where we are, unless you leave really early- you don't get a parking spot at the beach. The other day we drove around for over an hour until we found a spot. Then it's always quite a walk in the blazing sun to the actual beach.

Is staying at a hotel better with young kids ?

We are just so exhausted at this point and my patience is really wearing thin.

I had to relearn everything i thought i know about parenting after me and the kids got diagnosed.

If you suspect you are, it's highly likely the kids are as well. Things that help us all the time but especially on holiday:

The same rules around food apply on holiday as at home - if they're not allowed something like lollipops at home, they're not allowed on holiday either. I'm not sure if your dd ended up with a lollipop or not, but your ds thinks dd got something he didn't - i have to be scrupulously equal with mine so neither would have got a lolli if one couldn't have it. (I hate lollipops too)

Agreeing a rough plan for the day in the morning that we are all aware of - the kids will forget, but then i can remind them "we all agreed we were doing xyz at 11am, didn't we?"

Also because of my ND, I'm not good at being spontaneous- i need to know where the food/toilets/drinks are so if we are all on the same page on the plan for the day then it goes smoother. I research everything in advance.

Countdowns

Clear boundaries on behaviour - i give mine 3 warnings and then they get a natural consequence - for example running off on the beach, they have to sit by me until I'm satisfied that they can listen. Then I'll let them go play and see if they've corrected the behaviour. That really only works with 2 adults as you may need to hold onto the one that's not listening which leaves your other child unsupervised. 2 might be a bit young to understand - we did a lot of running around after them at that age. I would always take buckets and spades so i could occupy them near me if i needed a semi break where i didn't need to worry about them near the water.

Wait the meltdowns out even if people are staring. Fuck them. You're doing your best. And sometimes a meltdown needs a hug, not punishment.

To a certain extent, you might need to give in to your child being a grot while on holiday. If the hotel has a bath try that. Otherwise a strip wash might be the best you can do. Mine struggled with water in their faces for a long time. They hated showers.

We would have done beach first thing in the morning or late in the evening when parking will be easier. Or consider getting a taxi if there is one which is a waste when you have a hire car but if it gets you to the beach with you less stressed and overwhelmed then it's worth it.

It's hard on your own with two, i have twins so i didn't really go anywhere on my own with them and definitely wouldn't have on holiday. I had to change my expectations of what i thought being a good mum was. First priority - keeping them safe. If i couldn't do that on my own, we didn't go or we went somewhere else.

Lost me at kicking sandals off tbh. They should be barefoot if they want to be. You could be barefoot too! You might enjoy it.

If you don't like mess then a beach seems one of the worst places to go!

We've paid an absolute fortune for a beach hotel now. It has a family suite and outside space too, so we shouldn't feel too claustrophobic.

We were trying to rough it in an apartment this year. Usually we get a villa with pool.

Our place doesn't even have WiFi. It's a nightmare. I'm glad we are leaving today. Will update to say if we've actually found it easier because we've never stayed in a hotel with the kids before.

The hotel also has a kids club and mini disco and petting zoo etc etc. hope it will be worth it.

Next time, I'm either doing it properly from the start, or I'm staying at home.

Oh dear, how sad, never mind
Please don't try to 'rough it' in an apartment again - it must have been so bad for your MH

At that age, definitely go all inclusive. Most family hotels have a seperate living area and bedroom so you have our own space in the evenings. We're away now with 1, 3 and 5 year old and yes we've had the odd overtired tantrum but generally it's been pretty easy. Buffet restaurant means no waiting around for food, can get up and leave whenever we've had enough. Swimming pool with little slides keeping older two amused for hours while youngest paddles about or naps in pushchair with a fan blowing on them. Haven't bothered with the beach as I can't be doing with the faff of sand everywhere and no shade. Kids club with craft activities, mini disco in evening, big shady play area, unlimited ice creams and milkshakes throughout the day. Haven't felt this relaxed in ages!

You need all inclusive.
No cooking, kids can try everything and eat what they like
Pools and kids club, other kids to play with.
Baby pool to splash about in.

Yeah holidays aren't fun at that age. And people can suggest letting them nap in the afternoons and then going out in the evenings etc but you can't force a child to nap, mine never did even if they were knackered so it would just result in an overtired grumpy kid by about 5pm. All kids are different but it is always disappointing when you expect to have a lovely time and it just feels more stressful than being at home!

Yes. Just to offer a slightly different perspective on tantrums (fun fair & beach): They are having such great fun and don't want it to stop, leave the fun fair, get out of the sea, so the more fun they are having, the bigger the tantrum! Try seeing it as a compliment? 😉
It will get better.

We did a short break to Devon with 2.5yr old. We stayes in a hotel which worked out fine. As once DS is knocked out we can talk and socalise without disturbing him.
Our room was massive so had ample space. We did our homework and didn't want a tiny room. It cost a lot but the convenience and ease outweighed the cost.
Breakfast included, drinks, snacks refilled daily, house keeping daily, indoor and outdoor pool, private entrance and section of the beach. Literally 2mins walk. 2 in hotel food options PLUS w beach side grill next door. We loved our stay and hownit worked out.

We tried this when DS was 10mths and then 1.5yrs old and his sleep was awful at that age so a hotel sucked. An Air B'nB woukd have been much better for smaller babies.

You could've given him an ice lolly instead, I don't blame him for having a tantrum if his big sister got a lolly and he didn't.

Next time pick a better location. Honestly, a package holiday is great with kids this age. No need to fuck about with car hire. Hotel with kids pool and directly on the beach. AI so there's plenty of choice and meal times can be speedy.

If they are struggling with transitions and leaving things they are enjoying firstly, give them a bit more time if they are really loving it. Secondly, bribery and trickery...give them something else to look forward to. Eg. Come on, we need to get back for dinner before they stop serving ice cream or something.

Do they actually want to go to the beach all the time OP? My kids only ever wanted 1 or 2 beach days in a holiday. Beaches are pretty stressful all round when you’ve got young kids. I also avoided hot holidays abroad till mine were older, because the heat would have just made them grumpy.

We found French campsites fabulous at that age and really loved our holidays.
It’s all about finding the right place for your family. We hated hotels as we couldn’t self cater at all. We liked the options of being able to eat in and out at that stage.

Well done to you for salvaging the holiday. I hope you have a great time.

Giggling away to myself at posters with one perfect child who think they have parenting sorted.

Your kids sound very relatable to me! They are likely just hot and out of sync. I hope you have a great holiday now.

As others have also said, maybe stop trying to be so strict on holidays. Get them off the beach by promising a lolly, get them to eat their dinner by promising an ice cream /toy/a go at the trampoline park. Holidays are for spoiling anyway so indulge them

All inclusive, kids club (pref run by Brits) and crocs on the beach. I have done SC, villas and All Inc and with littlies the hotel wins every time.

we used to do the First Choice all inclusives in Majorca or Greece when ours were small. They’re now called TUI and I think they’re still holiday villages but they were perfect and we never had a poor experience.

The hotel should help a lot.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Absolutely go for all inclusive with a garden room. No car journeys and everything is just a short walk away.

Mine are nearly 2 + nearly 4; we holiday a lot with them and it’s fantastic.

The pool is much better than the beach, ideally a shallow one with beach entry at those ages.

Break the day up into short bursts:
-breakfast 1hr
-relax in room + get ready for the day (swim wear, sun cream, arm bands etc) 1hr30
-pool 1-2hrs
-lunch 1hr
-nap 2-3hrs
-different pool/beach 1-2hrs
-bath/get dressed 1hr
-dinner 1hr
-mini disco 1hr
-bed
Repeat

Each to their own, and it’s great that this works for you. But my kids would have died of boredom by day 3, begging not to go in the pool/sea again! At those ages we did steam railways and model villages in Devon. I happily chose the odd rainy museum day over a daily suncream/sand/heat battle!

It's really tough. I hear you. For future holidays I heartily recommend a good all inclusive with a toddler pool. A pool they can stand up in with a few little slides and fountains is a total game changer.

Also if you book one with good reviews for its food which is aimed at families it will be lower stress at mealtimes. Fellow diners and staff will be well used to kids and it is properly set up for them.

No need to load anyone into a car, and everything in walking distance. Heaven.

The garden apartment in Austria sounds lovely! Enjoy!

This is the reason for all inclusive hotels with “kids clubs”. You don’t cook, ice cream on tap and other people are paid to entertain your DC for a couple of hours a day at least.

I really turned my nose up at the type of thing pre-DC and saw myself as being a “real” traveller into culture and back street cafes and all that nonsense.

By the time I had 3 DC close in age though (and realised that DC really fuck things up in terms of previous activities) I realised the joy in dropping at a kids club and collapsing on a lounger for a nap for 2 hours.. and of sitting with a glass of wine while they bopped around at the evening “entertainment”. It meant that we all got a bit of a holiday, and we did have some great times, just a complete change in expectations.

We are coming out of the other end now with teens and have started to go on self-catering trips and city breaks and it’s great. During the toddler years though, you just need to make things as easy as possible and the “child friendly” resort hotels are there to do just that.

I suggest Mark Warner or Neilson holidays- all the childcare you want, giving you plenty of time to relax or do activities you enjoy while the kids have a ball

Put it down to experience, OP. You didn't do your homework. Neither did I on our first holiday abroad with DS when he was 1 and the entire time was hellish. I Googled flights home every night and, if it wasn't for the fact that my parents were with us (which actually made things even harder with the constant judgement!), I'd have cut my losses and left.

The one memory I have of that holiday was wandering around the resort like a madwoman with DS screaming in the pram whilst looking at all of the other families enjoying a nice cocktail with sleeping infants wondering why I was being punished in this way. The truth was, he was too hot, pissed off and feeding off my anxiety about everything. We'd booked an aparthotel that I thought would be a nice halfway-measure between our pre-kid holidays and family friendly ones.

The following year, we returned to the same resort, but this time to a family-oriented hotel with kids' club, entertainment and buffet-style restaurant. Absolute game changer.

DS is now nearly 6 and our holidays are slowly returning to something that resembles enjoyment. Hang on in there.

Hope you find the hotel more chilled OP. We did a fair bit of all inclusive, kid club heavy hols when kids were small. It’s not my preference but it’s easier and more relaxing than an apartment. Only stayed self catering on some city breaks and then we stayed somewhere with a play park over the road and spent time there as well as going to a softplay and outdoor pool then had some days at zoo and took turns to do the kids bit in museums/take them to a cafe vs having a look at the stuff we wanted to see. I think it’s much easier with ours now they are bigger. We’ve had some lovely self catering breaks in Denmark & Scotland past couple of years.