Holidaying with young kids is a nightmare

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Mine are 2 and 4. I don't want to sound ungrateful as I'm aware I'm privileged to even be on a holiday.

But wow, it's exhausting.

The tantrums, the mess they make- how complicated stuff becomes with them.

Being at the beach with them is a horror show. They're constantly walking off, kicking their sandals off and then needing them put on a million times. ( they can put their sandals on by themselves but it takes a while ).

The constant tantrums my two year old has, for incredible reasons. Yesterday I went to get some food from a little shop with my 4 year old, while my H and two year old waited outside. They could see us and he saw they had lollies at the till. I hate lollies. They freak me out and I never buy them, as I feel like they're a choking risk. My kids only ever have them when someone else has given them a lolly. I feel anxious while they eat them.

In any case, long story short, my DD got one and my DS saw from outside of the shop and just would not calm down. Even though I actually took it off my DD as soon as she got it from the guy at the till. I didn't realise this was why he was having such a bad tantrum at all. Until a good 10 - 15 minutes went by when he finally said he wants a lollipop.

We took them to the funfair yesterday and my 4 year old had a tantrum because she didn't want to leave. Then when we went to the beach today, she had a tantrum because she didn't want to get out of the sea ( twice ). Throwing herself into the sand and just going nuts. If it wasn't one of them kicking off, it was the other really.

Anyway we are exhausted. Yes I've done all the, 5 minutes and we are leaving. It doesn't make any difference. Today it was my 4 year old having tantrums when leaving. Tomorrow it will be my 2 year old.

Let's not even talk about how absolutely insanely angry my 2 year old gets when he needs a shower or god forbid - a hair wash ! I can't remember the last time I was able to rinse shampoo out properly. He goes berserk. The anger that comes up in him when he needs a shower is incredible. He takes a long time to calm down after. But I have to wash him after the beach, what can I do.

In restaurants the little one is ok sometimes, but other times- he's absolutely not ok. Yesterday it was so bad, he was screaming so much and nothing calmed him down- so I had to go outside, to spare the other people eating. Today he was really good for a very very long meal.

Tonight we walked for a few minutes just to get some food to take away and he was not having any of it. He just wanted to walk around and not be in his buggy. But when he's just walking around, it gets stressful sometimes as he sometimes doesn't want to hold hands.

We are staying in a flat, which is also not ideal if you ask me- it's on the second floor and we have a car parked downstairs in the underground car park, no lift. It's just another hurdle really. Huge gates to lock and unlock. The kids just don't stay still.

We've only ever done a house or flat type holiday with the kids- where we drive to the beach. But where we are, unless you leave really early- you don't get a parking spot at the beach. The other day we drove around for over an hour until we found a spot. Then it's always quite a walk in the blazing sun to the actual beach.

Is staying at a hotel better with young kids ?

We are just so exhausted at this point and my patience is really wearing thin.

I’ve never stayed in a hotel with young children, mainly because I don’t like hotels / lots of other people.

When DDs were similar ages (and now, at 7&4) we stayed in villas with a pool if abroad. Felt relaxed and private. Plenty of bbqs by the pool for dinner, or could head out to the local town if we wanted. After the kids went to bed, we could sit by the pool with drinks and the monitor.

if in the UK, we would always book a cottage or similar. Again so we can come & go as we please. Always somewhere with a secure garden area too so the kids can get outside & run around when they want.

Beach isn’t particularly easy with a 2 year old! So much to sort / manage / keep an eye on. We are away (UK) at the moment, and this year has been a doddle when thinking back to DD 2 years ago! It certainly gets much easier.

Oh god, I've got more then? 🤣 Just back from holiday with an 8 and 11 year old. The bickering, the back talking, the pestering for stuff. FML

At pre school age, we took advantage of going in term time to ai hotels. Divided the day in half and picked between pool, water park on site or beach for each section. There was also a small soft play and kids entertainment/disco. We went with TUI as their family hotels often have a sliding room divider so the kids can go to bed and you don't have to sit in the dark. Meals were buffet style. Not amazing, but no hanging around and you can just get what they want. Not massively relaxing, but not bad.

I never took mine until they were 4 and 7. Weekend here or there. Sounds awful.

Holidays are a total nightmare at that age. Give it another year or 2 and it will be a LOT better.

For us, booking an all inclusive holiday was an absolute game changer.

I was borderline dreading our holiday to Portugal last year (kids were 3 & 5. We went all inclusive, and wow. It was THE best time of my life. In and out of the pool, alcohol on tap, amazing food ready for you to eat, cleaners coming in every day and changing the beds flat out. It was one of the best times of my life. On the flight home, I realised how relaxed I'd felt and it dawned on me that I hadn't felt that way since my first was born.

Went home and everyone was saying how you need a second holiday after one with the kids, and for the first time, they were wrong.

Look in to a really good all inclusive with 5 star rating next year!!

Agree. Can’t bear having to go to bed when an overtired toddler needs to, and having no downtime myself.

Our DDs were 2 and 4 last summer and it was a hard six weeks (I’m a teacher, so off the whole time). This year at 3 and 5 was SO much easier. We did a week at a Eurocamp which was really set up for children; everything on site, air con, decking, garden etc. Made such a massive difference. We’ve decided that we’ll do the same next year and then see if they’re old enough to do an AI the following year, but we want them both to be independently swimming by then to give us a bit of downtime by a pool.

There’s every chance that, for you, next summer will be easier. Fingers crossed!

Also in an all inclusive family type holiday, no one cares if the kids are having a small tantrum. None of the kids are sitting still perfectly.

There were a lot of people with iPads to make sure the younger ones sat fairly still for a little bit at dinner times. Appreciate it's frowned upon, and I've only ever done it a handful of times but needs must at that age

Too tired, too hot, too much walking
structure around shorter activities with plenty of resting too (sitting with food or a well time car nap or a water colour mat) even digging a huge castle if they’re sitting in shade
drop kids, stuff and one adult while the other finds a parking space. Book a stay with a ground floor or a lift

@Tiddlywinkly I hear you !

I did long-haul flights with a six-year-old and eighteen-month-old at the start of the year. The elder one was fine as he relished unlimited screentime. The younger one was appalling. Too big to put in a sling and sleep, but not old enough to entertain himself with a screen or listen to something on headphones. I just kept telling myself over and over that it will never be this bad again. If we did that same journey even now - despite the horrendous tantrums he can throw over the ‘wrong’ spoon - I’m pretty sure it would be a vast improvement. As others have said, it gets better.

There's no point talking about how you should have booked a hotel. I've never stayed in a hotel, all our holidays have been self catering. I have a 17 month age gap.
It does sound like you are sweating the small stuff too much. Just let them do what you want. You are right in the thick of it at the moment. No holiday will ever be this stressful again (probably) and you'll look back and feel nostalgic about the time when they loved the sea, rather than their screens.

I’m sorry you’re not enjoying your holiday. It’s true holidays seem to bring out the worst in toddlers. They’re a bit hot, change of routine, overstimulated, overtired, overexcited and then the tantrums go up a notch. I have a 2yo so only one, but we went last year when she was 1.5 and this year again. After last year I had to accept holidays were for the fun memories, splashing, laughing (in between screaming tantrums). And not for the enjoyment of eating or relaxing anymore 😂😂 we went to a hotel with an apartment style with kids entertainment! It was al a carte & next to the beach. So was still luxury but we had all the benefits (convenience) of a package holiday. I would definitely recommend that whilst they’re little.

Maybe divide and conquer? I had two kids within 17 months and when they were little we would often split them up for a bit during the day and then they were usually fine in the evening. For example, I would take DS to the market and go out for lunch just the two of us and H would take DD to the pool and have lunch there with her and then they would come together for some downtime in the afternoon and watch a movie together or something. It could just be all too much for them. Too much time together all 4 of you, too many activities, too hot, too many new places, too high expectations re having fun together etc. Just try and live a little bit like you do at home if that works better, but you get to do it in a different place.

When mine were little we found self catering much easier. If you're stuck in a hotel with preschoolers you've got to keep them up late = tired tantrums, or sit in the dark quietly after they've gone to bed. In SC you can put them to bed and sit on the patio or sofa with a glass of wine.

Also they won't like any of the hotel food because it's not the same as at home. Go to the supermarket on the first day, buy loads of easier and familiar stuff they can help themselves to in the morning and have a laptop with their favourite shows = you go back to bed.

Otherwise we always chose holidays specifically where there was loads of fun stuff easily accessible for the kids (without driving miles) because if the kids are happy you can relax more. Of course there are always tantrums and faff but just try to let go of some normal rules and just go with the flow.

In some ways that age are easier to please than older kids. Find a playground, keep them busy.

Adjust your expectations and do holidays you want to do, we mostly road tripped at that age as we lived in the USA. Drive in the morning, stop somewhere for food, walk about, park then drive some more, chose mostly those motels you can park outside the door or ones with a trolley for luggage (you could use yourself) as loved riding on it, swim in the pool then off for dinner (later due to inevitable napping in the car). Best holiday ever with them was at 2&4 backpacking around Alaska... with a double buggy, really doable but the lunchtime play park was sacrosanct

I think you need to choose very carefully and not expect it to be how you would expect. For kids your age I would have gone with a cottage somewhere which had a garden and a fenced off shared pool ideally. Shopping do e by one of you while the other stays at home with children. Short trips out in the morning to sightsee or to the beach then back to house to chill and play in pool.

Yep! We have to stay overnight at the airport hotel next week (with a three year old and a baby) and I'm not looking forward to it one bit 😂 Planning on keeping them up til nine until we can all reasonably go to bed together. There's a garden apartment with a pool waiting for us in Austria though! 😬

It’s always hard to a degree but go for an all inclusive with a beach. No parking, no cooking, often kids groups for a couple of hours so you can sip a drink or go for a swim without a toddler. They aren’t the kind of holiday I went on pre kids but they are the only genuinely relaxing holiday at this stage of life.

Room wise in an AI, we always book one which has 2 sleeping spaces. Often give the kids the bedroom and we sleep in the living area. But also if there is an or two time difference we just stay on English time zone with the kids going to bed later and waking later.

We've done lots of things centred around the kids having fun - it's all about the kids having fun.

That's what it's about at this age. The kids. It won't be relaxing. Is it relaxing at home?

Wait til you're going on holiday with sulky, ungrateful teenages, you'll be wish they were 2 + 4 again............

We've just done a week at a Haven with our 4/3/1 yo. It was fab honestly as we still had everything we needed. That's the only holiday I'd do with those ages! Second the PP who mentioned constantly "one more slide and then we are going" (read around 5 more but then he thinks he's won) 🤣

Kids that small are always going to be unsettled by the change in place/routine.

I found all inclusive family hotels the best at that age. Pool and beach on site, buffet restaurant with no long waits, plenty of drinks and ice cream available, no car journeys and easy to take them in to a cool dark room if they got a bit hot or overstimulated. Kids clubs and entertainment. And no worries about remembering spare clothes, sun cream, a favourite toy when you go out because you can just pop back to the room and get it. Worth every penny.

Definitely all Inclusive pool holidays. We just got back and our hotel had a splash pool which entertained my 4yo dd whilst her older brothers played in the bigger pool. It was not deep at all so DP and I actually got some time to chill on sunbeds right next to her little pool. No cooking or having to go to the shops etc. don’t get me wrong she still had her fair share of huffs but a lot of the other stresses are taken away by hotel holidays. However, the expense is shocking and getting worse every year!

Here's what worked for us:
Stay somewhere with a separate bedroom for the kids and where you can prepare basic food
Pool on site
Beach and shops walking distance
Don't use a car
Walk to beach in the morning. Spend 2 hours. Walk back to apartment or caravan for lunch. Kids watch TV for an hour or 2. Or do colouring or play with a new toy
Hotel or campsite pool in the afternoon from.about 3.
Eat in or restaurant, possibly evening beach play
Lateish bedtime when they are exhausted (it gets earlier throughout the week!)

Not very exciting but low key and easy. Kids love it.

I would also back off a bit on some things. Don't bother with baths or showers if it causes tantrums. If they go in the sea or pool that counts as a wash. Don't use a pram - let them walk. Let them run off as long as they're in sight and it's safe. The novelty will soon wear off.

Put them in long sleeves to avoid suncream battles. Make them wear armbands they can't get off. One parent can watch 2 kids to give the other an hour off. Keep them both in front of you if near water. A 4 year old in arm bands doesn't need someone right next to them - as long as you have eyes on that is ok.

To be honest it's my ex that caused more problems than the children... He gets very tetchy in the heat, if there isn't food and cold drinks constantly available, if sleep isn't perfect. Or if he can't get internet on his phone.

I think the rule of holidays is that someone should enjoy it. Driving around for hours, walking in the heat, burning feet as sand too hot, none of that sounds enjoyable to an adult either - is this part of the problem?

OP SC with kids is all the domestic drudge without your stuff around you.

Yes it's a lot easier in a hotel at this age. Especially ones specifically designed for families.

Shaded shallow pools etc is what you need.

It's a problematic age though definitely.