Holidaying with young kids is a nightmare

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Mine are 2 and 4. I don't want to sound ungrateful as I'm aware I'm privileged to even be on a holiday.

But wow, it's exhausting.

The tantrums, the mess they make- how complicated stuff becomes with them.

Being at the beach with them is a horror show. They're constantly walking off, kicking their sandals off and then needing them put on a million times. ( they can put their sandals on by themselves but it takes a while ).

The constant tantrums my two year old has, for incredible reasons. Yesterday I went to get some food from a little shop with my 4 year old, while my H and two year old waited outside. They could see us and he saw they had lollies at the till. I hate lollies. They freak me out and I never buy them, as I feel like they're a choking risk. My kids only ever have them when someone else has given them a lolly. I feel anxious while they eat them.

In any case, long story short, my DD got one and my DS saw from outside of the shop and just would not calm down. Even though I actually took it off my DD as soon as she got it from the guy at the till. I didn't realise this was why he was having such a bad tantrum at all. Until a good 10 - 15 minutes went by when he finally said he wants a lollipop.

We took them to the funfair yesterday and my 4 year old had a tantrum because she didn't want to leave. Then when we went to the beach today, she had a tantrum because she didn't want to get out of the sea ( twice ). Throwing herself into the sand and just going nuts. If it wasn't one of them kicking off, it was the other really.

Anyway we are exhausted. Yes I've done all the, 5 minutes and we are leaving. It doesn't make any difference. Today it was my 4 year old having tantrums when leaving. Tomorrow it will be my 2 year old.

Let's not even talk about how absolutely insanely angry my 2 year old gets when he needs a shower or god forbid - a hair wash ! I can't remember the last time I was able to rinse shampoo out properly. He goes berserk. The anger that comes up in him when he needs a shower is incredible. He takes a long time to calm down after. But I have to wash him after the beach, what can I do.

In restaurants the little one is ok sometimes, but other times- he's absolutely not ok. Yesterday it was so bad, he was screaming so much and nothing calmed him down- so I had to go outside, to spare the other people eating. Today he was really good for a very very long meal.

Tonight we walked for a few minutes just to get some food to take away and he was not having any of it. He just wanted to walk around and not be in his buggy. But when he's just walking around, it gets stressful sometimes as he sometimes doesn't want to hold hands.

We are staying in a flat, which is also not ideal if you ask me- it's on the second floor and we have a car parked downstairs in the underground car park, no lift. It's just another hurdle really. Huge gates to lock and unlock. The kids just don't stay still.

We've only ever done a house or flat type holiday with the kids- where we drive to the beach. But where we are, unless you leave really early- you don't get a parking spot at the beach. The other day we drove around for over an hour until we found a spot. Then it's always quite a walk in the blazing sun to the actual beach.

Is staying at a hotel better with young kids ?

We are just so exhausted at this point and my patience is really wearing thin.

I've not had this so far with my kids even though they can be quite challenging day to day. But I think that may be because ao far we have chosen very kid orientated holidays and activities with the plan to do abroad and more activities we like when they're a bit older.

Holidays with smalls are hard work. I think a bit of a change of scenery is good for the adults, but relaxing it is not

beach is just stressful for us. Is there a pool option? Less sand = less stress usually

however it definitely gets better. Mine are 11 and 9 now and holidays are a lot more chilled and have been progressively getting so over the years. I remember a bit of a lightbulb moment when they were 5 and 3ish and one day by accident the routine went out the window and they ate at 8pm (shocker!) and then went to a kids disco and went to bed at 11pm and everyone has a nice time and survived . I think relaxing one’s boundaries a bit on holiday helps

My kids are 2 and 4 and we’ve just got back from holiday.
it was fine. I’m exhausted, but it was fine, we had a good time and the kids had a ball.
we stayed in a hotel half board.
My 2yo is like yours and every meal time is an adventure! Will they sit still? Will they eat? Will they tantrum??? The half board option was so casual, lots of other families, it wasn’t really an issue either way.
I’m absolutely not one for sunbathing and like to go out and about, but we stayed in the hotel the whole holiday because it was so hot, and the kids just wanted to go in the pool all day. So that’s what we did 🤷‍♀️
The kids disco was a massive highlight and they danced themselves silly every night, we just made sure we had decent seats close to the front so we could keep an eye on them!
we had an apartment style hotel room and just took drinks up of a night when they were asleep.
Like I say, the holiday was fine. Was it my ideal holiday? No, not at all, and I am exhausted but the kids had a whale of a time and we made some great memories. I’d do a family friendly hotel next time.

The kids are overwhelmed and tired and they are out of their comfort zone.

Re the parking spot at the beach, id have dropped dh off at the beach with the kids and gone to find a parking spot (or vice versa) i know my kids would find it hard to be sitting in the car for an hour when they thought they were going to the beach - let the adults sort out parking the car, get the kids on the beach.

In terms of leaving the sea - do you give them a countdown? I tell mine 10 minutes left, 5, 2, 1 minutes left then out we go. Make a game of it and race your dd back to your spot on the beach.

Also at the risk of appearing to diagnose someone else's kid - mine have adhd and at those ages you're describing my life perfectly.

It gets easier as they get older.

A family member’s child couldn’t stand sand on bare feet as a toddler, had many many sensory related tantrums, would angrily and reflexively refuse to follow any instructions from a young age, constantly ran ahead of any other family member when on an outing, etc. In short, was hard work esp when on beach type holidays.

Years later as a young adult has been diagnosed ASD and PDA. Now those early years make sense. Nothing in the family history either side? Knowing makes a difference in how to manage the behaviour.

Thanks for everyone's comments.

I know full well that this is not a holiday for us to relax on. I've taken them on holiday last year and the year before. It's just that generally things have become a bit easier at home, so I thought it might be a little easier on holiday too. It definitely is easier than last year, I must say. But it's still pretty hard at times.

We are heading to a hotel today, I'll let you know if it's any easier.

I would say bare feet - fine
Staying in the sea - kids could stay in forever, perhaps one was hungry, needed to loo, nap time. At those ages you need one adult per child in the sea. But if they went some where with a small children’s pool one adult to two children would be fine.
I with the OP on no lollies (assuming she means the sweet type as these are choking hazards) for those ages but I would have bought an ice lolly instead.

OP you need a different type of holiday. There is a reason why the type of holidays offered by TUI blue family (other travel agents have the same thing) are so popular, they meet the needs of kids. Happy kids, happy adults.

I used to find a hotel worse to be honest.
I liked being able to make our own food as and when.
But- either way- holidays with little ones are slightly chaotic however you do them.
A change is a good as a rest eh?!

Yup I do the countdown.

The particular day I had to look for the spot, I was alone with my DD so I had no choice.

However again, I wouldn't really feel comfortable going to the beach with them by myself. They run off in all sorts of directions. I get stressed out and overwhelmed. It's not good and I feel exposed and vulnerable.

They're actually really good about being in the car. They're cool and comfortable in their seats and don't really complain much about it at all. They're in the car a lot at home. But yeah in general I avoid having to walk alone with them anywhere as it's very stressful for me.

You need some reins.

Good luck! For next year, we've just come back from a p and o cruise and the kids clubs were excellent. And there was kids tea in the buffet at 5 with a magician and lots of activities for all ages. I hope the hotel is fabulous!

@Recoverymoreprotein I've tried them walking on the beach with no shoes and they both scream their heads off because the sand is too hot for them! Thanks for agreeing about the lollies, it's not just me. I just hate them.

We did buy them ice creams not long after the lolly incident, but it took time for us to get to the ice cream place etc etc and it was tantrums all the way. We aren't unreasonable but I can't just magic stuff up right there and then.

I would suggest rethinking what your holiday looks like. Lots of pp prefer hotels, we always went with self-catering apartments close to the beach, in resorts that had pools, pool bars and evening entertainment. So we had our own space and kitchenette but didn't have to go far for activities.
Break the day into two. After breakfast in the apartment (you can always find cornflakes, yoghurt, fruit, bread, juice) go to the pool for the morning. Swimming time broken up by some rests in the shade, with games/story/icecream as necessary. Lunch at the pool bar or in the apartment - one of the adults pops along to the shop during a quiet time if you need more food, and then after lunch is siesta time for everyone. We used to have good 2 hours of rest time inside. Then later you can head to the beach for the rest of the day. Come back, shower and head out to nearby restaurant for quick dinner.
Then reverse for variety, beach in morning, pool in afternoon. Always a siesta in the middle of the day.
You don't have to go far and you might not see much but kids don't get too hot/hungry/overwhelmed (too often!)

Maybe they do ! I think I have it myself. I'm not diagnosed, but I've been referred.

They're lovely kids. But we do feel like we struggle using all the usual methods that are recommended. It's probably just bad parenting, but I really do try. I read a lot about what the best strategies are and I try hard to implement boundaries etc etc .

But my kids are always the ones making a fuss in public. My 4 year old has definitely improved but still struggles when it's time to end a fun activity. Although that's also got a lot better, but it's just resurfaced on this holiday.

It's interesting about the hotel comments. We always preferred self catered accommodation at those ages. It meant we could rent something with at least two bedrooms, a living room and outdoor space. Staying in one hotel room would have felt claustrophobic.
Also I quite liked cooking what suits us best rather than kids having tantrums because they only want chips and cake from the buffet, or rather than having to wait for food to be served, and keep kids occupied and quiet.

This is exactly what hols were like with my DD's were little and they look back with real fondness.
No car, central in a resort with easy reach to pool and sea and restaurants.
Yes definitely siestas. Then they could stay up late to see the very unmumsnetty tribute band in a nearby bar!

I went away when my child was just 1 and just started walking. Was HORRENDOUS. Didn't take her away again until she was about 5 and it as so much better.

For me personally, the key to enjoying (or just enduring) holidays with small children was to completely reset my expectations of what a holiday meant. I accepted that it was not necessarily going to be relaxing, and that you don't necessarily come back feeling like you've had a 'break', I had to tell myself it was about getting a change of scenery and the DC experiencing some activities they don't have at home. Anything else was a bonus.

I don't think I really enjoyed a holiday until the youngest was 3.5/4 ish. Then it all seemed to get much easier. They were more independent, more able to cope with changes in routine and tiredness. My two both have SEN so they have their challenges but I can honestly say holidays are a joy now.

We've found that we have to spend a long time researching and planning to make sure the accommodation and location is right for them. We're willing to pay more for convenience, such as being able to walk to the beach, shops and restaurants in 5 minutes or less, or a hotel with a family suite so we can all have our own space. What works for us is going out in the morning, coming home after lunch for a couple of hours rest before going for dinner. We do let them stay up later but not every night as they get overwhelmed, and we generally keep to a routine with mealtimes.

We took our girls at 2 and 4 to an AI resort and had none of this hassle or drama.
The kids happily played in the pool with one or both of us in with them or sitting on the side. We had beach days, chill out time in our room, made sure to eat out of the sun at the hottest time of day.

What are you doing to deal with the tantrums and meltdowns?

or the wrong kind of children...
(joking!)

The best type of hotels are all inclusive, family friendly resorts with tons of kids entertainment. It's purely about giving you a rest and not about sightseeing, local food or any of the typical things you associate with holidays. It's absolutely worth paying more for a hotel with direct beach access. We stayed at one where you can walk from your room straight to the beach, then back up to your room to shower, clean off etc. Having to drive and find parking each time sounds like a nightmare.

I think you have to be very, very careful about where you book and stay when you have young children. I’ve personally found an all inclusive family friendly apartment hotel to be the easiest, no cooking, no cleaning, kids entertainment, everything there for you on site.
Being able to walk straight into a buffet restaurant and pick up food for them with no wait is a huge help. If you can get one with a really good shallow kids pools, with all the slides etc most kids love these kind of things. They normally have a mini disco in the evening too.
You can find ones which are apartments so you have two rooms and a bit more space. Kids can go in the main bedroom and you can sleep in the living area and sit out on the balcony if they do need to sleep earlier.
But yes it’s still hard, no this isn’t something I would have chosen before becoming a parent and yes my kids will also be the ones having tantrums, so you’re not alone!

This is what all inclusive hotels are for, preferably ones right on the beach. We never ever did AI or even catered hotels before DC , now it's a dream. Food whenever they fancy it, pools, beach, often some kind of entertainment, good air conditioning. We always still get a hire car so we can go off and explore but only if DS is in the right frame of mind no rigid plans. So get up in the morning, there's an old palace we want to go and explore, then on the way back there a really cool beach with pink sand, tell him a bit of history 9/10 he'll be excited and say yes, if he says I just want to go swimming that's what we'll do. Holidays are for relaxing, not self catering with young children!

You're my family holiday twin! Definitely need a separate bedroom for dc