Random stranger sat on my table at a dinner and tribute act show

[Prontehpronto]

Hi, I went to a dinner and ABBA tribute act tonight on my own (family out of town and no one else to go with). I was having a lovely time, a stranger asked if he could take the extra chair,I said yes cos I thought he was going to pick it up and take it, he proceeded to sit down! He asked why I was on my own,I said hubby was away and I thought I'd enjoy a show, he started telling me about his divorce etc, he was older, 62, seemed not weird and just overly friendly father like figure, but when the shoe carried on he didn't move!!! I said aren't your friends going to miss you, he was like its fine!! I ignored him and turned away, I'm pissed cos he didn't go away and plus I had paid extra for VIP tickets at a table at the front. His friend cane to give him a drink, I thought bloody hell no way,told him not to put the drink down on my table and can you go back with your friends. Bloody ruined my night abit, why did he do that, and how should I have handled it. He prob was harmless but he shouldn't have approached a lone female I don't think and then not gone away!!!

Unfortunately men like this think women are desperate god their company and that women are there to entertain them.

Unfortunately there appear to be plenty of women who think women are desperate for the company of men like this and that women should be grateful to them.

Definitely agree with this. Pushy and weird.

So the op is unreasonable about not wanting a strange man sitting at her table.
You know the one she bought.
But he's not unreasonable for plonking his hole down beside her.
Ok.

It's a shame people think it's odd to go out on your own- why do you think it's strange?
I go out on my own all the time because none of my friends share my interests and I dont really care nor do I want to chat to random strangers.

This was a booked event, not a night at the local 'spoons. OP paid extra for her VIP table. The man, I assume, didn't share costs for OP's VIP table. The man was with his friends until he cornered OP and plonked his unwanted arse at her table.

He did not approach the lone male at another table, nor did he implore the lone man to get up and dance like he did OP.

I think most of us are clear as to the agenda here.

its quite an odd thing to go to on your own though, so probably thought you'd been stood up and felt sorry for you

I can't believe people still think this way in 2024.

OTOH, that's what I want to say about @Screamingabdabz' massively ageist generalisation of what men of one generation do. How would that sound if you put it terms of what men of one race did?

I agree. What this comes down to mostly is a story of how someone came and misread the signals, but went away when asked. It's not really that big a deal. OP, you should just have asked him to leave sooner, or even stopped him sitting at your table.

What "signals" was the OP sending out for him to assume his presence might be welcome?

Is this the automatic signal that a woman on her own must always be in need of (and be grateful for) male company?

Exactly 😂

@shuggles And even if it that were true it still doesn’t take away from the fact a man in his 60s hitting on a much younger woman is generally going to be unwelcome.

As I said he should’ve read the room better and not hit on a woman young enough to be his daughter who has booked a VIP table for herself and was quite content sitting on her own.

It’s rare this would happen the other way around.

This is true and I can’t speak for this man in particular that Op encountered but the wider issue is a lot of men that age will ignore women their own age and only try and date women under 45! I’ve heard many women this man’s age complain of being invisible to men their age.

The reason being many men their age seem to be deluded that all younger women are just waiting for a much older man, and they wrongly think they look better and younger than women their age when often that’s not the case.

Are you sure he didn't ask if the chair was taken?

I suppose the only thing to do is not engage at all & tell people to go away straight from the off?

Creepy as hell. Good you reported him.

Not that you should have to, because people should just fuck off, when he asked why you were alone you could say that it’s because you enjoy being by yourself and want to enjoy dinner/show without having to make conversation to give a hint before then having to say fuck off. Hearing your husband was away has maybe made him thought he’ll rescue you from your loneliness.

He probably just saw a spot at the front and took a chance. You handled it pretty good, whatever his intentions were.

Because you’re a silly little woman who can’t go to a restaurant/cinema/theatre/etc without an escort, preferably a male one.

Being stood up by a blind date isn't that upsetting - but performative pitying of lone women is. You're part of the problem for calling the OP odd.

Bloody men always seem to think that a woman on her own is fair game.
Happened to me at the opening night of Cabaret. I was having what I thought was a friendly conversation with the Canadian gentleman beside me, I may even have mentioned my DH, I certainly wasn't giving off any vibes that I was open to any intimate connection and the creepy idiot hit on me. Bearing in mind I'm in my 50s and he was possibly early 60s my radar is switched off to that sort of thing.As we were sitting beside each other, it made the rest of the performance pretty awkward.

Yes he absolutely does. People out on their own (especially women) don't want strange men pushing themselves on them for "company". He was doing it for himself not her, if he was truly doing it for her he would have actually asked her if she would like company, not just foisted himself on her and then insisted she fcking dance. Bloody hell.

He's a stupid prick and I hope he doesnt do it again. So sick of men doing this crap

Yup!!

Ahh the entitled older gentleman, always on the lookout for an available earhole to spout their endless, pointless drivel at and boost their ego. Trouble is as soon as you resist it is part of 'a game' as they try and get you to do what they want. And then you have take things up a notch.

I had this just waiting for a train once. Man sits next to me (loads of other seats),asks if I wanted a chat. I said no and he proceeds to just talk at me anyway.

As Catherine Tate's gran would say 'what a * liberty'.

I had to smile at your age gap comment. Since turning 40 I have had no end of 60+ year old men thinking I'm fair game.
Unfortunately "hubby is away" can be read as a come on by these chancers as well.
I was thrilled to read you told him to go back to his table.

Worst one was at a hotel bar I was staying for business

was having one drink when a guy came over, said hi & imediately sat down

I asked if I could help him

he said it was odd I was sitting myself & that I could use some company

told him I’m here on business and I’m fine thank you & I gestured for him to move

he then told me I was rude so I told him to get to fuck raising my voice

a barman came over & asked if everything was ok

thus guy then said “ah so you are here to shag her then?”

security was waved over & the guy got up & left muttering

hate how some are wankers who go from zero to one hundred

I think it’s great you going on your own OP.

How is it odd? Absolutely loads of women do things alone. Holidays, cruises are a big one, shows, cinema, gym, swimming shopping (do you thin shopping alone is odd person who replied to OP?)

It’s actually the thing for young women, 17/18 years olds to go to the cinema alone at the moment, almost like a trend. (I teach people to drive and my young female drivers love doing things alone, the male not so much).

I had to smile at your age gap comment. Since turning 40 I have had no end of 60+ year old men thinking I'm fair game

Urgh, same here. I've had no end of men in their 60s trying to approach me at inappropriate places like the gym when I am clearly trying to work out and have huge headphones on. Trying to get me to take my headphones off to chat to them, asking me if I am single, telling me personal stuff about themselves that I dont want to hear or know. There were absolutely no "signals" there and yet they still do it and try and push themselves on you.

It's so unbelievably rude and inappropriate and people are wrong to talk about signals because they do it even when they are none and its plain as day you dont want to be bothered and they still dont take the hint. Its gross.