Random stranger sat on my table at a dinner and tribute act show

[Prontehpronto]

Hi, I went to a dinner and ABBA tribute act tonight on my own (family out of town and no one else to go with). I was having a lovely time, a stranger asked if he could take the extra chair,I said yes cos I thought he was going to pick it up and take it, he proceeded to sit down! He asked why I was on my own,I said hubby was away and I thought I'd enjoy a show, he started telling me about his divorce etc, he was older, 62, seemed not weird and just overly friendly father like figure, but when the shoe carried on he didn't move!!! I said aren't your friends going to miss you, he was like its fine!! I ignored him and turned away, I'm pissed cos he didn't go away and plus I had paid extra for VIP tickets at a table at the front. His friend cane to give him a drink, I thought bloody hell no way,told him not to put the drink down on my table and can you go back with your friends. Bloody ruined my night abit, why did he do that, and how should I have handled it. He prob was harmless but he shouldn't have approached a lone female I don't think and then not gone away!!!

What if I had no one in the world, no family and friends, so as not to appear 'odd' I can't go out and enjoy myself. What type of outing would be appropriate and not 'odd'?? Your comment has made me feel really sad, I'm 'odd' for wanting to enjoy a show by myself?

I was out today for a meal with an all female (middle-aged) group of friends. An man (probably late 70s) got up from his table of couples and started quizzing us about why we were there and what had we done with our husbands. Clearly thought we'd be delighted to have him take a flirtatious interest in us and was baffled that we weren't hanging on his every word. It was really cringy and his party were studiously ignoring his behaviour.

There is no way he would have done the same to a table of blokes or a table of couples.

@Seriestwo Who ever said that women shouldn't be alone in public spaces (outside of some very conservative religious sects)? Did this man say women shouldn't be alone in public spaces?

I think the point of the comment @Seriestwo was trying to make is, the man who sat next to me must think at some level a lone woman shouldn't be on her own and needs to be 'saved' which is why he decided to get into my space

@Prontehpronto Is it not more likely that he thought you were attractive and was "shooting his shot" as the kids say these days?

Gosh I don't know which is worse, I'm defo young enough to be his daughter so doubt he was trying his luck with me...

I can't believe he did that, how embarrassing for him! You handled it really well though, well done for sticking to your guns 👏

Aslo well done for sticking to uour plans & going out to something you knew you'd enjoy, it sounds like a great night AND dinner too, yes please!

Unfortunately the fact of him being old enough to be your father doesn’t stop some men :/

Well done on eventually telling him to go away though.

I think you're being a tiny bit unreasonable. If you were single and he was your type this could have been a very sweet "how we met" story. He just didn't know you weren't and he wasn't.

He didn't read your signals and overstayed his welcome. But if I'd been in your shoes I'd have just said something along the lines of "Well, nice chatting to you. I'm actually here to enjoy the show by myself tonight, so it's time for you to go. Feel free to take the chair with you." And not given him another thought.

But trying to get you up to dance was cringey and annoying. So YANBU about that.

Was he drunk ? If you’re a confident woman out on your own, you will get attention - wanted or not. You must radiate positivity ! Unfortunately he didn’t get the hint. Next time if they don’t get the hint politely tell them to sod off !!

The fact he’s about 20-25 years older than OP should’ve told him he’s probably not her type.

Few women of OPs age would plonk themselves next to a solo 20 year old man
at an event. It’s the same age gap.

Men need to read the room better and not make women so uncomfortable. Not everyone would’ve felt confident enough to tell him to leave her table and I think sometimes men bank on that “politeness”. They can see the discomfort but keep going until they are told very explicitly to leave.

It was the point I as trying to make.

i perhaps overestimated how many people would have seen Shirley Valentine. It’s quite old now.

so I bet your irritating bloke would get the reference, ha ha ha ha.

What will you go and see alone next?

@Constantcookies Few women of OPs age would plonk themselves next to a solo 20 year old man at an event.

I don't think too many single men would be complaining about that.

That's a real shame.

For many things I prefer going on my own. It means I can give the concert/ show/ opera etc, etc, my undivided attention without having to consider if the other person is enjoying it.

Incidentally who are the 27% whk think you were unreasonable?

I once went to Nando’s on my own for tea when my DH was away. It was on the way home from work so I bobbed in. I sat at a table on my own near the door and ordered.

Just before my food came a man came in and when the member of staff asked where he wanted to sit he said “oh I will sit with this charming women and keep her company”
I said “no you bloody won’t”. He looked stunned and went and sat at another table.

All though my meal he just started at me looking really angry. It ruined it and I was so pissed off he was making me feel like this.

When I got up to leave I could see him also start to pack up his stuff and he was still staring at me so I basically ran out the door, I crossed the road quickly and thank goodness managed to get straight on a bus that would take me home. I then watched as he basically run out of Nando’s before the bus left and he was looking up and down the street obviously trying to find me. I don’t know what he was going to do as it was quite busy with people all around but it really freaked me out. I have never been back

Then there was the bus driver when I got off the bus (not the same day) asked to see my disability pass. He then said he was going to confiscate my pass as I looked too fit to be disabled. He then wrote his number on a piece of paper and pushed it inside my pass holder. The bus literally drops right outside my door so I ended up walking the opposite way to where the bus was going and I didn’t it turn round till the bus was out of sight. I then had to run to my door and let myself in as the bus goes so far up the road and then turns round and come back past.

I did report him

It's a tough one because if I was sat on my own I think I'd be quite glad of the company (assuming he's nice enough) I feel like this idea that no women ever want to be bothered whilst out isn't true for all of us. Obviously he didn't take the hint but that's men for you-have to be direct there. I don't think it's gender specific either. My brother went out alone and befriended an old guy in the pub and even ended up going round his a couple times. Just people being gasp friendly! This is so a UK thing where people just never talk to strangers if they can help it.

It's not tough at all. You might not enjoy going to a show/concert/ film etc on your own. Not everyone is like you.

I am very comfortable in my own company; in many cases I prefer going on my own. I certainly don't want the company of some random man.

The situation you describe with your brother in a pub is completely different to a random man imposing his presence on the OP.

Given his age as well it's probably just that he's from a generation that actually talked to people, greeted people in the street etc. instead of having ear phones in 24/7 gazing at their phone so as never to make eye contact with anyone. I can only assume you met your husband through mutual friends since that's the only way you allow a man to talk to you 😆

How does one manage to talk to a stranger without getting close enough to "impose their presence on someone" 😆Not everyone is like OP or you either, some would be glad of the company is all I'm saying. If you don't like it tell them to leave you alone and they'll soon get the message and avoid you like the plague.

No it is't , how very ageist of you!

I am guessing he was asking if anyone was joining you as he wanted to take advantage of your vip seating - spare chair at a concert - he’s wanting to rest.

But if he was just being friendly, he should have asked if he could join her. It's the assumption that pisses me off. He didn't give her an option but to endure his company. A simple Mind if I join you, or do you prefer your own company? Would have sufficed

@Firefly1987 just because one person wants a chat/company, doesn't mean another person owes it to them. The wishes of the more sociable person do not automatically trump those of the person who wants time alone.

OP, may I suggest cultivating your resting bitch face for solo outings? My friend has a good one (she calls it her "fuck off and die" face) and nobody ever bothers her when she's out. Sad that we have to go to such lengths, of course, but as we know it's still a man's world.

That sounds horrendous! How old do you think he was? Were you a similar age?

The fact he was looking for you after suggests he wanted to have it out with you or punish you for ‘humiliating’ him. Probably spent his whole meal planning what he was going to say to bring you down a peg or 2. Psycho.