Random stranger sat on my table at a dinner and tribute act show

[Prontehpronto]

Hi, I went to a dinner and ABBA tribute act tonight on my own (family out of town and no one else to go with). I was having a lovely time, a stranger asked if he could take the extra chair,I said yes cos I thought he was going to pick it up and take it, he proceeded to sit down! He asked why I was on my own,I said hubby was away and I thought I'd enjoy a show, he started telling me about his divorce etc, he was older, 62, seemed not weird and just overly friendly father like figure, but when the shoe carried on he didn't move!!! I said aren't your friends going to miss you, he was like its fine!! I ignored him and turned away, I'm pissed cos he didn't go away and plus I had paid extra for VIP tickets at a table at the front. His friend cane to give him a drink, I thought bloody hell no way,told him not to put the drink down on my table and can you go back with your friends. Bloody ruined my night abit, why did he do that, and how should I have handled it. He prob was harmless but he shouldn't have approached a lone female I don't think and then not gone away!!!

Those harping on above hate aimed at the poor blokey ...

Many, many of us posting here have had a lifetime of fucking micro misogyny (and probably lots of much bigger events) from men like this.

Enough.

I am also sick of having to "accept" this shit dressed up as chivalry/being nice/it's a compliment. I'm angry my wonderful DD may have years of this to navigate but you can be sure I will not be encouraging her to have to suck it up.

So it's unfortunate some posters have a problem with the language we use when faced with this. And to be fair the language men use to our faces when we attempt to shut this shit down is often way more viscous

Or maybe he could just not make such a massive assumption

Why do people assume a woman on their own anywhere has been stood up?! Fucking infuriating.
A bloke on his own in the pub is considered normal. A woman, poor thing, has probably been stood up.
Or having dinner... etc.

@Prontehpronto I run and perform in an ABBA tribute band.

This sounds like the same boring bloke who always starts talking to me while we’re packing down, asks where we’re travelling to and is then shocked by how far the poor likkle woman has to drive, so late at night. If I wasn’t a professional, I’d happily tell him that his drunken wittering is delaying my packdown and will now make my night even later.

Not kidding, this happens on almost EVERY gig!

What an appropriate user name. Very embarrassed for you, dear.

Surely if you are in the habit of befriending strangers it's on you to be able to read signals very quickly?

If so you will establish if your advances are welcome pretty quickly and it's all good

I don't blame you for being put off by this man. I often go to gigs on my own, and it's usually fine and no one bothers me. But there was one occasion when I was sitting waiting, minding my own business when a random man came over to me and said there was a spare seat next to him, a few rows further forward, would I like to sit next to him. I politely declined his offer and he seemed pretty annoyed about it.

Sorry you had your night spoiled a bit, but I wouldn't let this put you off. Just next time be prepared to give someone the brush off more quickly and firmly. Either say something like "Hold on! You can take the chair, but not sit there!" or "Please leave me alone and go back to your table" or just ask the venue to deal with it.

I went to a bar on my own recently because I wanted to experience it (on a work trip so in a different city) - posh, amazing decor, great drinks etc... had the same experience as you as some guy thought he would come and talk to me. I don't mind a few words but I didn't want to chat with him! When he said "So what are you doing here all by yourself?" I said "Enjoying being alone!" with a pointed look. He was a bit taken a back but left.

Unfortunately clearly many women, judging by some of the responses on here, think it's fine for him to make that assumption.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I don't think anyone is suggesting that being imposed on by a boring bloke your dad's age is a drama. It happens with far too tedious a regularity to warrant that. OP is saying it was irritating and we're having a chat about it. Perfectly calmly. It's you who seems to be getting a little over excited if all your exclamation marks are any guide.

There have been more than enough threads on MN with men in that age group chatting up women in their 20s.

I'm no longer surprised when friends' fathers (80s and 90s) are dating women in their 50s to be fair. I know men in their seventies who date swipe right for anyone over 42 or thereabouts.

But, that wasn't your scenario.

Being on your own at a night out like a show doesn't mean you're automatically up for being chatted up/at by blokes though, so what's being straight got to do with anything?
I'd get it if you were at a singles night or speed dating night out or something, but just at a show?!.
It's a good point he didn't go chatting to the lone bloke.

its quite an odd thing to go to on your own though, so probably thought you'd been stood up and felt sorry for you
Just stop! It's not odd.
Who cares if he felt sorry for her? He needs to mind his own business. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't feel sorry for a bloke by himself.

Jesus, could you be anymore misogynistic

The drama was caused by the man, hth

Your friends fathers in their 80s and 90s are dating women in their 50s? Are you sure? Chatting them up, I'll give you that. But multiple 50 something women with men 40 years older? Surely only in those mens dreams.

Well done for telling him! My partner and I get this allllll the time (same sex). It’s like they think two women or one woman cannot possibly be having a good time without a man present. We used to be quite polite and now we just tell them to go away too.

I agree with this! I'm single and often do stuff like this alone. I'm trying to date but hating online dating and would love to just randomly bump into someone like this.
He saw you there alone and took a chance, he was polite, you knocked him back and he left you. It's silly for you to have let it ruin your night. It's just a simple human to human interaction!

Men try it on with women young enough to be their granddaughters, you being 40 and him in his 60s will have been seen as the perfect age gap 🤮

I'm sure. Several of them are in long-term relationships with them.

And, these are professional women mostly who are impressive for all sorts of reasons.

@Prontehpronto I reckon in future, move spare chair away, or put a jacket on it.

@HoHoHoliday you're missing the bit when OP politely asked him to leave "won't your friends be missing you ?". Or is that her fault as well for being too subtle ?

I do get what you're saying, but in this environment and era, people - especially men - should be aware that their advances may not be welcome and be ready to back off if their initial chat is rebuffed.

"When the show carried on he didn't move"

"Aren't your friends going to miss you"
(Hint one)
No it's fine (erm, no it's clearly not)

I ignored him and turned away
Hint two
Still stayed (erm...)

He didn't "leave her" - only when she basically had to say piss off and leave me alone 😁

but when the shoe carried on he didn't move!!! I said aren't your friends going to miss you, he was like its fine!! I ignored him and turned away, I'm pissed cos he didn't go away and plus I had paid extra for VIP tickets at a table at the front. His friend cane to give him a drink, I thought bloody hell no way,told him not to put the drink down on my table and can you go back with your friends. Bloody ruined my night abit, why did he do that

If you're up for chatting and meeting people like you, that's all good, but if you're in the habit of going to chat people up you should take cues as to notice when someone isn't interested in small talk and being chatted up.

Cross posted with @rookiemere , type too slowly 🙄😁

I go to things by myself, I wouldn't mind if someone chatted to me. The chances of me wanting to chat for more than 5 minutes are pretty slim though, and I'd expect them to realise when it wasn't going anywhere.

Any old random company is not better than no company.

Has not happened to me though, or no more than a passing comment.

I like your style OP. Chose to go alone, enjoyed yourself, drew a line at his behaviour. He was obnoxious for staying so long when you were clearly not interested, and trying to take advantage of your good table.