Sitting in the garden whilst dc in bed

[Wherearethestarsthen]

Do you do it?

Dd has just turned 6 and is going through some anxieties so one of us will lie with her until she falls asleep in our bed, then either fall asleep/go on phone etc or come downstairs to watch tv.
We both sat in the back garden this evening and kept the patio open, front patio locked, she is upstairs in main bedroom

Would you do this? Is it ok?

She's 6. The friend who mentioned committing is an idiot, unless they are still supervising their 6 year old 24/7- which would also make them an idiot. You're in your property, the door is open. I don't see any issue or why anyone would make one

You need to knock the sleeping with her before she falls asleep as well. That's a huge rod you are making for yourself . A six year old doesn't have anxieties (unless something horrendous has happened) they are just normal childhood worries and children need to learn how to deal with them, you are going to make things worse. As a society we really need to stop pathologising things.

Good point.

I'm so glad you specified it would have been your own vomit though.

4 year.olds generally don't need naps so this doesn't surprise me.

OP what your doing is fine. Along as your front door is securely locked, your fire alarms etc are working well and you can hear your 6 year old i don't see an issue.lol unless there is a massive back story and you have a mansion.

You are not far off the age where overnights start with eg brownies. So I’d be looking to make sure she can settle herself and waken alone without panic. If she is able bodied she is able to shout or get out of bed to come and find you.

😂

Surely one of you should be going with them to university?

Does that mean for the past 6 years you haven't left your child at all? That's exhausting. It's no wonder relationships fall apart more these days. Once baby is asleep it should be adult time. No way would I be even popping upstairs to check on a 6 yr old, I'd always stick my head in on the way to bed to make sure all is OK but if there is a problem otherwise they can come get me or call for help.

You need to work on bedtime too. At that age it's up to bed, get yourself ready and Mum comes up for a kiss or story or whatever. Dd is old enough to understand this and to be told its nonsense to expect you to stay with her. I know that's much easier said than done and she will say she can't do it etc but i think this is a time when a bit of tough love is needed.

So because someone says something it must be true?

Could you be contributing to your child's anxiety?

Ah I hate the bearer of bad news but one of you is going to have to stay up all night monitoring that ☹️

Are the 4 out of 5 Mums that do this all members of the same Anxiety Club?!

My mum friends are all very chilled (this friend of a friend, I don’t know and I did think it sounded crazy) but we generally all have issues with hem at bedtimes. To note, we’re in a different country and co sleeping is v normal

Well something isn’t working about the system you are all using then.

It is not necessary to fuss around 6 year olds like this at bedtime. Take advice from this thread and train her to get used to being on her own. It’s not good for anyone not to be able to get themselves to sleep.

But you're not co-sleeping? You're fussing over her until she's asleep and she's 6. Are you going to do this until she's 16? What age do you tackle this?

I co-sleep with my almost 2yo - he does just settle after milk. Sometimes he'll wake up and be upset I'm not there, if it's past my usual bedtime around 11pm. But then he just needs a pat on the head and a dummy and will go off again. I do think what your describing is unusual.

Of course it's fine, she's 6 not 6 months (and even then with a baby monitor it's fine)

OP you sound a very anxious parent - are you sure that your kid is not picking up on some of your anxieties as anxiety can be learned as normal behaviour when you are a kid

This is what happened to me

But they could vomit or choke at 3 in the morning when, presumably, you would be asleep and unaware.

Your daughter is anxious at the moment, I sympathise as I had a very anxious DS. But what you need to be doing, as well as all the stuff you are doing to settle her etc., is modelling what a "normal, non-anxious" existence looks like. I put that in inverted commas because I do appreciate there is no such thing as normal, but I am sure you get what I mean.

Flapping around in your own state of anxiety in case something bad happens is not going to be helpful. Her coming down stairs to see a happy mum and dad enjoying the garden will be fine.

Completely fine

Exactly. Which is why DH and I take it in turns to sleep. Our youngest goes to university soon and I'm looking forward to being able to sleep all night!

This is insanity!

Aah, you jest. Sorry. But one can never be too sure on here

for goodness sake.. no wonder your child has anxiety if you are like this about sitting in your own garden when they are asleep?

i do wonder what this world is coming too that people are actually worried about not being withing 10 foot of their offsprint just in case something bad happens?

if you really are that worroed, buy a baby monitor and make sure the front door is locekd! it really is simple.

and maybe see someone about your anxiety

Well unless you are going to sit and watch over your child 24/7 any.of those things can happen when you are downstairs ,in the next room,having a bath etc etc.

You're not helping your child's development by treating her like this, it's not normal at 6. At 6 she should be able to go to sleep in her own bed, in her own room and not need someone with her until she falls asleep. The fact that your group of 4-5 friends all have problems with their children sleeping indicates you must all be following each others bad advice. Take the advice given here and train your child to go to sleep on her own.

Also, your child will pick up on your anxiety, even if you think you're hiding it, and this will cause her to feel anxious about various things so address your own anxiety in order to help her.

You watch your 18 year old all night while they sleep???!