How do you deal with flying monkeys : people you don't know well but know they speak the words of their controller

[Flyingmmonkeys]

. ?? I've got a several days wedding with flying monkeys from my sister.
An ex flying monkey told me my sister (much older) is obsessed with me and overwhelming jealous. People I know less than aqantences have been vile to me , people I don't know have been vile and other family members I don't see much have been vile and they all feel sorry for her? They use the same phrases about me she uses
What do you say? How do you combat it she's extremely good at what she does ie turning family members away.

"oh you're repeating what X has said. Don't you have a mind or your own?" And then walk off

I think you need to get a whole new set of friends and stop giving a shit about everyone you’ve just mentioned.
People exist in this world who can behave like adults without any of this drama. Find them.

Just ignore them. It's OK to do that, you don't have to get involved with every piece of drama that comes your way. Im sure there are other people on the trip you can hang around with. When they don't get a response, they will give up goading you.

YABU for going to her wedding and subjecting yourself to this. Just don't turn up

If they’re ’less than acquaintances’ or people you don’t know at all, surely you can just avoid them at the wedding? And their notions of you, whether or not they’re courtesy of your sister, can just be stopped with a ‘Thanks for your opinion, total stranger. I’m going to go and sit somewhere else/get a drink/talk to someone less weird and negative.’?

I don't understand this post at all! Is it a game?
What are flying monkeys?
Am I that old I have completely fallen out of step with the world?

Ive been on the receiving end of it too.
All you can do is ignore it. If you say anything it will be twisted as proof that you have done what she has said.
IME if you say anything they will say ‘she said you would say that’.
You can’t win with narcs and their flying monkeys.

It's hard to describe. There are some relatives I know are captured and have been extremely hostile before.
But others I don't know that well but are good friends with the nicer people have been glaring at me. Then asked directly do you talk to x and when I said no shook their heads in disgust.
Yes I can walk away but I'd also like to defend myself.

Ok, just googled this before someone tells me to.
Is there nothing people won't put a label on?

@FinalInstructionstotheAudience

It's what you call people who are literally like a robotic mouth piece for someone toxic.

So my sister hates me she's turned slagging me off into a life's Misson and people are so disgusted with me, they attack me on her behalf. Even though she lives thousands of miles away and I've not seen her for years.

It doesn’t matter what they say or think.

While you care, then you are playing your sister’s game- which means she is winning.

If you need to be there, then keep it light and superficial. Don’t get drawn in or engage. Don’t ‘hear’ any criticism or accusations. Just be calm and factual.

For example if she’s spread around that you drink heavily, don’t feel obliged to explain at greta length how little you drink. Just look surprised and move along.

When you are caught up in a toxic situation, having a label that describes people’s behaviour and tactics is helpful.

Most of us don’t need to know about flying monkeys. Some of us do.

Don’t go to this wedding and cut all of these people out (unless you enjoy the drama).

Thank you for explaining. I didn't realise that this was such a thing that it gets it's own behaviour label!
I am amazed people have the energy to direct the monkeys, particularly if you are no contact and in different countries; it must be all-consuming to find ways of being horrid via others!
I think it's sad that people who know you are swayed by this behaviour; they are not nice, and not worth wasting your breath trying to explain your sister's role in their opinion-forming
You literally need to 'get a new life, reinvent yourself'. Of course, easy for me to say...

Glad it’s not just me!

Even though she lives thousands of miles away and I've not seen her for years.

So don't go then 🙄

I didn't go to my sisters wedding for similar reasons.

I would just laugh in their faces and tell them to grow up and stop this harassment before you call the police.

If you have someone else at this wedding who can be by your side as a support, do that.

Practice a look somewhere between disbelief and sympathy for people who are so sad they have to be someone's flying monkey and walk away laughing.

It's so hard, I've been there but acting strong and walking away makes them feel small and stupid.

I think it’s bizarre how everything has to have a silly label. You watch too many pseudo psychology wannabes on tiktok.

however I would literally just ignore them. If it’s true (which I doubt) then they’re not worth your time. If you just give off a stand offish vibe you might find it’s mainly in your head once you actually get talking to them. How likely is it really that they all hate you because of stuff your sister is saying about you when she lives on the other side of the world. Realistically how much contact can they have with her that they find time to talk about you to that extent?

You don't have to go to the wedding. A 'several days wedding' sounds like altogether too much of a good thing anyway.

Why do you need to defend yourself? It's none of their business why you and your sister don't speak. I would just tell them that.

Is it really that likely that your sister, who lives thousands of miles away and whom you haven’t seen for years, is conducting a campaign of long-distance harassment via acquaintances, total strangers and relatives at a wedding, and whom she’s coached enough for them to be using her turns of phrase about you?

You mean you’ve never seen The Wizard of Oz? After all, that’s where the term comes from. Are you that old? Have you never read threads on MN that speak of flying monkeys before today?

Well they do say, everyday is a school day! So you’ve learned something new today and that can’t be a bad thing.

I have enough of a backbone to not go to events where I don’t like the people and the people clearly don’t like me either. A lot easier than coming up with coping strategies.

If someone asks you if you & your sister speak, you could reply “well no we don’t because she doesn’t have anything interesting to talk about” and then leave.
Or you could ignore their question and reply with a question of your own asking them something completely unrelated and different from what they asked you.

What does “people you barely know being vile to you” look like?

I can’t imagine what she’s told them to make them behave this way?

This all happened years ago- You haven’t seen your sister for years so perhaps she’s matured and no longer spreads rumours.. I’m surprised she’s invited you if she hates you to this extent.

You don’t have to go. You both hate each other.