How do you deal with flying monkeys : people you don't know well but know they speak the words of their controller

[Flyingmmonkeys]

. ?? I've got a several days wedding with flying monkeys from my sister.
An ex flying monkey told me my sister (much older) is obsessed with me and overwhelming jealous. People I know less than aqantences have been vile to me , people I don't know have been vile and other family members I don't see much have been vile and they all feel sorry for her? They use the same phrases about me she uses
What do you say? How do you combat it she's extremely good at what she does ie turning family members away.

Same here. Didn’t understand a word of what she was saying. 😂 Am I on a different planet!?

Remove yourself from the drama by not going to the wedding. Problem solved.

How fucking condescending @LookItsMeAgain

It has been explained ad nauseam since I asked - and despite people trying to tell me this has been around as a phrase since 1939 (bollox), I think it is a ridiculous label to stick on a bit of human behaviour!
But I will be flamed for saying that too!

Spot on.

@FinalInstructionstotheAudience because you have taken against a term which is fine but this site is supposed to offer support so I'm aksing you, in the spirit of this site what support you are now offering me?
I don't think taking against this term and repeating it is effective support.

@CubistViolin again it's not something you understand unless you've experienced it.

You need to step back and stop engaging in people you don’t care about anyway. If your sister lives nowhere near you and you never see her, why do you even care or let yourself be engaged in the unnecessary drama. Just shrug your shoulders and live your own life. It does seem like you like the drama yourself tbh.

Oh, I am sooo sorry.
I didn't realise we were only able to offer support in AIBU!
Were the rules changed while I was asleep, because AIBU has mostly been lots of conflicting thoughts/support/rudeness/laughter/highs and lows, before
Plenty have supported you by suggesting you get a grip or that your interpretation of FM behaviour is somewhat skewed. They've also suggested you don't go to the wedding...
Me, well I just think the term FM is fucking stupid, so sorry if that's not supportive

@FinalInstructionstotheAudience apologies I missed your more helpful response earlier on

Yes it is consuming for her, I don't necessarily think she's a narrassite I don't know.
But she's definitely done the flying monkey thing.
She's definitely got some sort of personality disorder and she thrives on keeping me cut off from my wider family.

I've explained an example of her behavior when I worked for her once.

The ex flying monkey ran into issues with her and the scales just fell. Then she did to her what she did to me, contacted thru Facebook many of her relatives from her husband and friends and start to befriend them then start the poison.

This whole thing sounds weird. Your sister lives thousands of miles away and has done for some time (years?). She carries a burning hatred and jealousy in her heart for you. She’s getting married and invited you to the wedding - you’ve agreed to go!

Meanwhile assorted relatives, friends and acquaintances have heard enough rumour and nasty stories from her to justify them treating you badly.

So, why did she invite you?
Why are you going?
What has she told these people that’s bad enough for them to be vile in her behalf?

I find it hard to believe so many people will blindly accept some unverifiable story as grounds to be “vile”. Generally, the offence would have to be dire and actually confirmed as real before they would do this en masse.

So, what’s the back story OP?

Re not going to the wedding, unfortunately due to the situation it means my sister has managed to cut me out of so many wider family gatherings because the main perp has hosted and didn't invite me.
This time it's a wedding that we can go to and my children can meet the other young relatives.

@redalex261 yes that would be weird except that it's not my sisters wedding and she's not here.

OP you are coming across in this thread as someone who thinks everything is about them.

Its also very familiar
The 20 years older abusive sister

Did someone put acid in my morning coffee?

OP just go to the wedding, be friendly and gracious and if anyone’s a knob just quietly tell them to fuck off and walk away. No need to perpetuate all this drama.

@Flyingmmonkeys The problem is you feel you need to defend yourself. But that only benefits the narcissist as it keeps you engaged with her game.

What you actually need to do is detach from them and not care what they get up to. Just go and enjoy the wedding. Have a non committal reply ready for anyone who tries to goad you into getting involved in drama.

@HowIrresponsible I've never posted about this before and if I had is that an issue?

Yes I can walk away but I'd also like to defend myself.

Sorry but you can't win, if they believe her lies you can't really counter that by rational argument and discussion.

Time will tell, as people soon get suspicious of someone who bad mouths someone else all the time.

Either they will realise the truth eventually, if not well you haven't missed out on a valuable friend.

@Thelnebriati yes I do feel that need. It's deeply upsetting to have people I would like to get to know better, I always have a mountain to climb first like the people at the pub

Yes true ton ton.

If it's beyond you to understand, you can just scroll on, you know.

It's a horrible situation to be in, I sympathise. You shouldn't let it affect you - one of those things that is simple but not easy, I'm afraid.

I have a SIL like this.

If someone brings something up 'I politely say, well if that's what you choose to believe. I'm sure you know that you've got your facts correct. I don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone' and walk away. It soon piques their curiosity- but I don't feed it. If they're stupid enough to lap it up then I don't want anything to do with flying monkeys who have been made fools of. I have had apologies and all sorts from ex flying monkeys but have remained very cool with them. If you're going to say anything, say something kind. ' something like well I really do hope things work out for her, this wedding will be a fresh start for her' 'I'm glad to see her so happy' etc. This will contradict the narrative that she's spreading about you and make them question what she has been telling them.

I would concentrate on reflecting on your own reaction to it and making the best of the situation. Are there people there that you are looking forward to spending time with? Stuff you can arrange before or after with them? Can you minimise contact? Can you ask your DH to make sure you're not on your own as far as possible. Leave it to the last possible minute that you can to arrive and first to leave?

Just concentrate on yourself and getting through this without any drama. If there is any I guarantee it will be perceived as your fault.