How do you deal with flying monkeys : people you don't know well but know they speak the words of their controller

[Flyingmmonkeys]

. ?? I've got a several days wedding with flying monkeys from my sister.
An ex flying monkey told me my sister (much older) is obsessed with me and overwhelming jealous. People I know less than aqantences have been vile to me , people I don't know have been vile and other family members I don't see much have been vile and they all feel sorry for her? They use the same phrases about me she uses
What do you say? How do you combat it she's extremely good at what she does ie turning family members away.

Wow! Someone certainly pissed on your cornflakes this morning, didn't they?

Sorry the thread didn't load, I thought it was your sister's wedding.

Just concentrate on the bride and grooms happy day. Make it clear you don't want any drama, and you are here to celebrate the happy couple.

I would say something like “Yes, my sister has a lot of issues, it’s a tricky subject. Sorry if she’s got you involved.”

But saying that I’ve been in some rooms where the people are just nasty and awful and thrive on drama. In that case you physically leave and vow not to go anywhere near them again.

It's really not, if you use an iota of sense.

The flying monkeys were in the wizard of oz and that's 1939, well the film was so not a new thing. Someone who does someone's bidding without thinking for themselves.

It's not a label it's words, they are helpful.

I don't know where people got the idea it is the NC sister's wedding, but one person says it and others just jump on the "let's bash the op with something" bandwagon 🙄 OP has said It's not!

@Flyingmmonkeys I hope you can't find some good advice in between the pettiness.

Clearly the bride and groom (cousins or similar?) don’t have an issue with you and want you to attend.

Your sister won’t be there.

You can attend, be pleasant and friendly and quell anyone’s preconceived ideas of you. Actions often speak louder than words.

I don’t think it’s helpful to view other guests as “flying monkeys” controlled by your sister (the wicked witch of the west)
The reality is likely to be far less dramatic.

If you do see yourself as Dorothy then although you don’t have some magic red shoes to click together to get you home, you do have the option of leaving the celebrations via an Uber or similar 😂

Any drama initiated by your (estranged) sister on social media is best avoided. Don’t engage.

Try reading the OP's posts, and not jumping on the band wagon because one person tried to derail the thread.

I think it’s bizarre how everything has to have a silly label. You watch too many pseudo psychology wannabes on tiktok.

The term 'flying monkeys', or FM for short, has been used for decades by people who have to deal with narcissists. It's not a recent introduction.

It's just bitchy, isn't it? Some posters seem determined to upset the op, and then to DEMAND an answer to their post.

Good advice.

OP ignore the posters who are unable to imagine anything beyond their own experience. Their posts are pretty pointless and they are wasting their time posting.

Walk away. Life's too short. And as for "defending" yourself, the best bit of advice I ever got was "Don't talk to stupid."

@OriginalUsername2 that sounds good thanks.
I don't think the others bar one do thrive on drama they are just so utterly disgusted by what she tells them! They look at me with horror.

Goodness me, why do some people have so much drama in their lives.

OP, it seems like you're fuelling it all.

If you want to go, go.
Don't get drawn into drama.
Watch the service.
Eat the food, toast the couple, have a dance, go home.
The end.

@BrigadierEtienneGerard another good one.

My dm was very much a family central force it's a large family and she was the main one who spoke to everyone. I was connected to people thru her.
Unfortunately she died and my dsis stepped into that vacuum and cut me off and now my dc.

I agree with PPs who say there's no need to defend yourself. What's the saying about wrestling pigs.... something about don't get into a wrestling match with pigs, you'll get dirty and the pig enjoys it.

As you've been invited by people you like, who like you, hopefully there'll be more people at the wedding than FM and you can ignore them.

If they do accost you, perhaps a standard phrase of... Oh you know Susan* .... and say nothing else. Then walk away.

*apologies to any Susans, not her real name obvs.

Another good one and I like that because it's pre supposing that there is a known thing.

I think you have to be open about it. She’s clearly got something wrong with her. Hold your head high.

Block. Block them all. They're all cut from the same cloth.

'do you speak to x?'

'Sadly, I don't think she wants the kind of relationship I'd hoped we'd have. It's a shame really. Doesn't the bride look absolutely lovely, and the flowergirls were absolutely adorable, weren't they?'.

@goingdownfighting thanks, love the user name.
Thankfully it's definitely not her wedding but many there are people I know she's got her hooks into.

It's my own reaction that I'm worried about 🤣.

Never drop another good line, thank you.

Say;

Look Shiela, I’d really appreciate if you’d make your own mind up about me, rather than listen to idle gossip from Xxxx. When she talks about you, I always take it with a massive pinch of salt, so I’d appreciate it if you extended me the same courtesy.

As my great aunt used to say: Really? Gosh! Fancy that! I know it sounds old fashioned but it is a polite way of saying 'Go do one'!

"Oh x has been spreading outlandish lies about me again has she?"

You could even drop in there something nasty she's said about you if you know what it actually is.