To feel judged when I tell people I’m a stay at home mum?

[Staraa]

To the point where I have actually started lying about it to avoid raised eyebrows! The last few times I have been asked what I do and I’ve said I’m a stay at home mum I’ve been met with hostility. I get it’s not the norm anymore and I’m very grateful I’m in a position that allows me to do this and aware circumstances could change that at any time, but I didn’t realise it was so frowned upon! I’ve had jokes made about not paying tax, I’ve had jokes made about claiming benefits which I don’t apart from DLA which is for my son, not me (my son is severwly Autistic). I found working very difficult, even part time because my son doesn’t sleep very well so I’m always shattered as he requires care at night and also doesn’t cope well in school so I often get phone calls to come pick him up and what job can you constantly leave in the middle of a shift because your son is having a meltdown? I cba getting into it with people now so when they ask do I work I just say I still am in the school I worked in when I’m not. Does any other SAHMs experience this?

What? You’re at home. You can go out and do whatever you want. It’s a joy, I love my job but I’m glad to get home to my kids at the end of the day.

My time as a stay at home mum was great until the last one went to school. Then my whole day was one constant coffee break!

Fair point but I think this depends on the place of work. There’s not much representation of women who work regular jobs on here (or anywhere, really).

I missed out on a few years of minimum wage but someone with a career invested in by paying for university has a lot more to lose in potential earnings and progression.

You don't need to lie!
I am a sahm and a single one at that
i once had a woman at a dinner party tell me I was letting my kids down and setting a bad example for them by not showing them women can work.
i assumed to attack me in public she must have felt really bad at not spending more time with her children (I didn't tell her that. I was just bemused)

That’s not because of a broken society, that’s so women have a way out of a toxic marriage. Being a sahm is all fine and dandy until things go wrong. Husband walking out, unexpected illness death, other reasons putting life into turmoil. Almost daily there are threads of women they’re financially tied to areeholes. A broken society is one keeping women shackled financially to toxic men.

I think you need to learn to stop caring about the judgments of others. I get negative comments for being a spinster and have learned to shrug them off. My life is my business.

If you are happy with your choice what does it matter what other people think

Whenever men say this I always respond “well the father can always stay home” and then they start to stutter.

I am so envious of people who don’t need to work for an income (I presume because you are single you have a lot of passive income streams).

lucky!

This is an absolutely ridiculous thing to say.

Society is not “broken” because women choose to work outside the home.

Do you really presume that or are you just trying to find out if PP is claiming benefits to fund being a single SAHM?

Exactly.

Do we really want to go back to the days where women had little choices? That is a broken society.

Given how low benefits are generally why would I be envious of people who live off them?

I presumed that commentator was work optional from passive income which is why I wrote what I did.

Come back and say that when your partner pisses off with another woman.

You're not going to get those years of pension contributions back either...

People are horrible. They really are.

I'm not saying having children isn't hard because it's damn well the hardest job you will ever do, but parenting a child with a disability/disabilities is extremely challenging. I take my hat off to you and all other parents.
My friend has a child with autism and I have seen her over the years and just how bloody hard she works to care for her son. She does not sleep and finds it difficult to build up friendships with people because they don't understand and shun her. The education/social work system is not very supportive, so she finds herself alone. Cooks, cleans, supports her son, who has very complex needs and medication. I respect her immensely.
It is easy for people to look down on you because they fail to understand. They can not grasp anything outside of their own small mind.
I know that it is easy for me to say ignore them, but I know this is difficult.

Just know that you are doing an amazing job and working hard every day.

I have 4 children, was a stay at home mum for the first 2, and then worked full time with my other 2 for years. But this year, I decided that I am missing my children too much to be spending a long period of time away from home (I work in an end of life hospital and it humbled me real quick). I cut my hours down to part-time, and life is short.
My budget is tight, but we get by just fine with the basics.

Cutting down to part-time work....I have had very rude comments from people, and I have had pretty nasty comments directed to me and my children.

You do you and don't let them grind you down.

It very different being the parent of a child with disabilities though. The OP described her situation and it certainly didn't sound like one long coffee break.
Also, in this type of situation it's often much more difficult to 'go out and do whatever you want' even if you are at home.

Can you not read? OP is a carer for a severely autistic child? So am I. I have not been out in years. You have zero freedom and care 24/7. Who do you think takes over when the parents wants to go out? Esp whenever they want. Really wish people would at least bother reading the OP before replying with such tripe!

I don’t think pp was responding to OP.

No, not directly, but PP was responding to someone who was supporting OP by saying

Staying at home with your kids is not an easy option. You don't work defined hours, have holidays or even coffee breaks.....
Be proud of what you are doing. Don't let people make you feel a lesser person.

PP then came back with

What? You’re at home. You can go out and do whatever you want...my whole day was one constant coffee break! ( once last child started school).

I don't think that's appropriate in this case. PP should re-read the OP.
I'm also the mother of a disabled child. I had to give up my career. I don't know what PP thinks carers are doing all day but she's got this wrong.

I agree that it isn’t in OP’s case.

Though I’m not a fan of the whole SAHM’s don’t get holidays, sick days etc generally.