FFS why don't you drive ??

[nextdoorconundrum]

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

Several of my mum’s friends didn’t drive until their dhs no longer could or died 😱 It did seem very odd/man superior thing. Saying that, my DH didn’t drive until a couple of years after we moved in together, he commuted by train into London and walked to work prior to that. I would be surprised if I met someone without issues who didn’t drive. Two colleagues don’t and it’s a complete pain for them.

Unless you live in a city like London, then I think it’s important to learn to drive and drive regularly (especially for women).

I have lost count of how many women on here struggle to leave a relationship because they cannot drive.
(They cannot get to a shelter, to a family members home etc).

If you are a women fleeing a DV situation with 3 kids, then it’s very difficult to do so by using public transport.
Trains are hundreds of pounds and you can’t easily take your belongings on it.
You also need to get to the train station etc.

Whereas if you can drive, there is much more chance of shoving your kids in the car and grabbing as much stuff as you can and making a quick getaway.

There is very little excuse not to drive if there is a car in the household.
And women need to be doing what they can to learn in the car that they have access to.

I’m not naive enough to think that it is always simple, I only learnt to drive in my late 20s because I couldn’t afford the lessons and had no childcare as a single parent.
But I think it’s a skill that everyone should learn.

According to stats 81% of men drive, compared to 71% of women. The gap is not as wide as you're trying to make it OP. Nor do I know anyone telling women driving is not important.

@AgentJohnson

I always find it a little perplexing when some people rather aggressively insist on giving me a lift. I can walk or take the bus I choose to live in a major city because of the excellent public transport.

Me too. Some people find the idea of public transport embarrassing and consider it somehow lower class or beneath them I think.

I have had people more or less force me into their cars when I am ten minutes from home and it’s broad daylight. So weird.

I agree with you OP. I know some of my female friends who don't drive and their husbands do; they just assume that he will do all the driving and seem to take it for granted. I admit that this really irritates me. From my perspective, I am very independent (influenced by circumstances) and have

I do think it the vast majority of the country it is a basic life skill. Saying that, lived in London until my early 20s and so did not learn until after that as having a car would have been a pain in the neck so why bother learning.

Yes @nextdoorconundrum yes yes! Two very close friends of mine are like this. One of them, her mother also does not drive. Said mother has a full licence (I think when they were given out upon application and not test) and will drive on the very odd/rare occasion but take very specific routes. With lots of eye rolling from her kids in the background!

Her daughter though, it was a massive pain in the arse in our friendship as I generally had to collect her for things - yes she'd get the bus, but because this often involved multiple buses sometimes the option became unviable, and then the event was simply ruled out - unless of course I offered to drive. Holidays abroad too - always me having to brace myself and do the driving with that friend.

The helplessness was just awful. To all those saying "but it doesn't affect you" it absolutely does affect the friends - it's very naive to think otherwise!

I am always glad when someone asks. I am foreign and always lived in the capital of my country. It was fashionable to live that way. Then migrated here and lived in London. And now we are almost in London. I don't see the reason to drive.

I need a job, within a week find a little part time job right where I live. Why should I complicate my life with having a car right now?

I grew up in a very rural village and didn't learn to drive. I eventually passed my test in my late 20s after moving to City but hated it. I don't feel safe driving so I don't do it. My DH drives us everywhere and drives me to and from work daily. Tbf it suits us and I can't understand why it would bother anyone else!

I know just as many households where its her who drives, not him, as vice versa.

I don't really see why it matters.

I assume it’s because they could learn but haven’t. I’d only say somebody can’t drive if there’s a medical reason preventing them.

(I can and do drive)

always been. so just got on with it.
Apologies for fragmented post

I agree OP and a lot of those threads are even more frustrating as the poster will inevitably 'live rurally' about a gazillion miles away from everything and have to get 5 buses and 8 trains with their multiple children just to get to a shop when it's 10 minutes by car. So frustrating.

@nextdoorconundrum Please explain the circumstances you experienced when you learned to drive. Age, location, who paid for your lessons, parental help, any disabling circumstances. Thanks.

How does me not driving have any effect on you OP?

We have a car in the household and I don’t drive. My husband learned long before he met me and I didn’t have the finances when I was younger to learn.

This Although tbh I don't think I have any non drivers in my family ( apart from those under 17 obviously)

I cant drive im not safe to do it.

Me not driving doesn't affect my friends at all, actually most of them can't drive either. One of us can and has a car but she doesn't drive the rest of us around, we get there ourselves!

I can drive and do drive, but I dislike it and much prefer being a passenger. That’s the reason why my DH does all the driving when we’re together.

You could have worded ot better but I know what you mean. I've noticed that when you see couples driving together it's nearly always the man driving. I drive a lot but I don't particularly enjoy it so my husband will drive if we're out together.

Because it annoys people who get annoyed by nothing to do with them?

I don't drive when we go out as usually I'm in the back with the baby, ds is up front with dh and they talk cars and discuss the trip. I couldn't care less about that, I drive to get somewhere, ds finds me a boring driver 🤷‍♀️

Yes, try harder. People with serious anxiety, severe dyspraxia people who can't afford ridiculous cost of lessons, cars, and insurance, just stop being lazy! Get driving! Visual impairment? Motability can fit a prescription windscreen! Try harder and you'd be able to see and be able to drive! Stop being a burden by checks notes using public transport! Disgusting!

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

As a skint single parent who got no child support I simply did not have the money for lessons given that I had a mortgage, child care, all the household bills, to cover from my single salary. Even if I had been able to afford lessons, there was no way I could have afforded to buy and run a car. Hope that answers your question. The city I live in has very good reliable public transport and much of what I need is in walking distance.