FFS why don't you drive ??

[nextdoorconundrum]

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

But then her need will change and she will figure it out. She 100% can not afford to learn to drive or have a car. The isn't because she is female that is just her situation with work/where she lives etc.

She's been in the same small town for at least 10 years now. She can walk to work, she can walk her child to school and walk to the supermarket or gets a delivery. When one thing closes down another opens as there is a need for a supermarket/shop etc and her work just changes to what is locally available (not that she has changed job in 10 years). Not everyone needs to drive at all in their life. If she was to get a DH who had a car, I suspect should we learnt to drive and the additional income would support that.

Because I don’t want to. Because every lesson resulted in feeling panicky for days. Because a car isn’t worth the feeling of sickness and dread when I say behind a steering wheel.

So DH drives the family. If I want to go somewhere myself I take my motorcycle or I use public transport.

DS feels like me, had many MANY fruitless driving lessons and just uses public transport. DD loves to drive and has her own car.

Funnily enough, when wearing my bike leathers no one has told me I’m weedy.

Are you seriously suggesting that people don't know if they live in such an area or not, and when they are telling you they could, they are mistaken? It's fairly obvious that some people could and some couldn't get a taxi at 3am. Why not let people factor in which of those applies to their own lives, and decide accordingly?

Being able to drive, is the least interesting thing about me!

I can understand being irritated if somebody’s constantly asking for lifts. But otherwise why care? The outrage that some drivers seem to feel is amusing.

I assume you are either live somewhere where you dont need to drive, or use taxis? You would have been helpless if you lived in a village with no corner shop and did not drive.

I passed the driving test after 14 lessons, the first time with no other practice at 18. i then had several car crashes (no fault on my part) over a few years in my late 20s and early 30s, one write off and two very damaged where i used an insurance courtesy car for a few weeks whilst repairs happened.

i got terrified of driving and could walk everywhere with the kids in the town centre and to clubs for a while. I got food shopping delivered.

however, i can drive 30 miles on a very simple round trip to my workplace as i know junctions with my eyes closed.

I can still drive the kids to clubs on the other side of town (30 mins there and back), i can drive to the supermarket and places locally etc.

husband drives on long drives to visit family 250 miles away or into the nearest city centre with 3 lane, large roundabouts.

Basically, if I can't walk there, I dont go because public transport adds hours versus driving (walking to the train station, getting two trains and then walking to the venue). It is limiting but it's the way it is and i don't expect friends to meet closer to me without returning the favour. I do see friends less often and some friendships have petered out which is sad.

I have a severe anxiety disorder anyway (not the correct criteria to get PIP or benefits) and driving is not worth the risk/panic attack.

Sorry if that disappoints you and makes you angry. You are entitled to your opinion but you don't live with the difficulties/battles i face daily.

I actually did say I dont drive since I moved to London. Prior to that, I lived in a middle of nowhere and if I did not learn to drive I would not be able to get a decent job/ go to the shops/ visit friends who lived in another village.

Seems like we can all agree that the really restrictive lifestyle is one where you can't even pick up a loaf without a car😉

I failed my driving test 4 times. I've since discovered I have dyspraxia and poor hand to eye coordination so I'm probably safer not driving.

I think those outraged ARE the ones who constantly have to give lifts.

Personally, I don't give a toss as long as I don't have to give lifts to people.

But, as I've said, there've been times when I've been put upon, first my by first non driving boyfriend who wanted a taxi driver rather than a girlfriend, and then by a job where I was forced to give lifts (including long detours) to work purposes, and now both OH and myself are forced to ferry my MIL around. In between these times, I've not been remotely bothered about people who chose not to drive because it didn't affect me. At these three times of my life, it HAS affected me, and I feel entitled to be bitter about having to ferry people around who could have learned to drive but chose not to and be reliant on others instead! (None were disabled etc)

See the difference?

I def think less of grown adults who have no reason not to drive, yet still get on buses! It's just a bit pathetic and shows a lack of responsibility

That's exactly what I mean! I never enjoyed driving - but never "hated" it, either. I dont miss it now I dont need to drive. But while I lived in a rural area, I had no choice - I wanted to be free, I wanted to have a good job - and I did not want to depend on my husband or friends for lifts - to me, this was more important than my "nerves".

Huh?

Of course I see the difference. Which is why I said: I can understand being irritated if somebody’s constantly asking for lifts Like you were put upon.

Was my short post not clear?

A lack of responsibility how?

They are still getting themselves around without impacting you. They are saving money by having no car costs. They are saving the planet by running one less vehicle.

I know very responsible people who don't own a car and many who do but are very irresponsible adults.

Whilst I mostly agree, I do think it's location dependant and I would feel less aggrieved for people living in cities with excellent public transport options who genuinely don't see a need for driving and probably won't ever have a need for driving whilst they continue living there.

But for people living in smaller towns, villages, etc., who are reliant on local shops, local amenities, local bus services, I think they do need to wake up and smell the coffee and look at the changes over the past few decades, in particular, places where buses have been withdrawn, shops have closed, libraries, schools and GP surgeries have closed. I think it's inevitable that will continue for the next decade or two. There's no sign at all of a reversal in the near future. Just because they have a village shop and library today doesn't mean they'll have it this time next year! Just because todays there's a 30 minute bus from their housing estate to the town centre doesn't mean it wont' change to hourly or be scrapped completely next year.

It's a bit like all the luddites who want to use cash in shops and won't use apps to order prescriptions, pay for parking, do online banking etc. They likewise need to look at the direction of travel and realise they'll be outlanders in another few years time and if they don't move with the times technologically, they'll be left behind and as they get older, they'll struggle more to get used to using smart phones for everything, and likewise, will end up reliant on other people.

I remember you from another post now. Anyone who prefers a simpler way of life with less technology etc is a luddite.

The only adults over 30 I know who can't drive are male.

Huh, is that so?

funnily enough I think less of grown adults who can’t conceive of getting around in any way but a car and will likely continue to drive way past the point they’re safe to as they age. Never mind all the lunatics of all ages that blatantly should never be in control of a vehicle.

I also think less of grown adults who go around making sweeping judgements about other people just getting on with their own thing. Generally those types are just idiots tbh.

It could be looked at in an alternative way. Such as, what would be the point in spending a fortune to learn to drive when someone in the household already does? The money couldn't be spent elsewhere.

I don’t really agree. Post covid I now mostly shop online - from books to clothes to stationery to Ocado for groceries. I browse in shops if I’m near them but seldom make a trip anywhere specifically for shopping. Am very much over the concept of lugging bags of groceries to a car. It’s surprising as I was a reluctant convert to online shopping, but, having been forced to do it, I now find a trip to the supermarket an utter waste of time .

It’s a bit of a bold statement to stereotype every non driver as female but that’s another thing.

YABU but not completely.

If you are a non driver then fine, that’s up to you and there are 100 reasons why some don’t want to drive each are none of your concern.

However - It does annoy me when some non drivers constantly rely on others.

I had a friend once who got mad at me for not driving 30 mins out of my way to drop her home one evening, it was already late and I needed to get home and she moaned at me for it. If you are a non driver it’s okay but can be really annoying if you are the type that relies on others to ferry you around when you’re capable of driving yourself but don’t want to. My friend is constantly complaining that her boyfriend won’t put any effort into driving and she has to drive him everywhere, and he has now asked her to pick him up from work every day. His reasons are because it’s expensive (it is, but he has the money) and cba.

Only because such people are going to really struggle in future years when technology is more advanced and widespread and such people are older and less able to cope with change.

Far better to just keep up with smaller changes as they happen, much easier to cope with and less likely to be left behind and have to be reliant on other people or miss out.

Basically, people need to chill and go with the flow rather than shoot themselves in the foot by fighting against the inevitable.

Oh come on, where does she say that?! At least read the post they are replying to before getting angry at her 😂

@Dreamcatchergirl

My friend is constantly complaining that her boyfriend won’t put any effort into driving and she has to drive him everywhere, and he has now asked her to pick him up from work every day. His reasons are because it’s expensive (it is, but he has the money) and cba.

As I mentioned many posts ago, that's exactly why I ditched my first boyfriend. He had no reason at all not to drive, but simply couldn't be arsed. More than happy to let me drive everywhere, always wanting lifts, happy to drink at the pub whilst I was on soft drinks, happy for me to pay for petrol, etc. No disabilities, no nerves - he was happy to play "macho man" when it suited him. I got fed up with it and ditched him - good riddance!

One day you're going to be older and struggling with the changes happening at pace around you. I really hope someone calls you a luddite for it so you can see how nasty you are.

I've seen different generations of my family be totally with everything and then suddenly not able to understand the next change. My grandparents and now my parents.

Both DH and I are pretty tech savvy, and I work in change so I am pretty open to it. But people get slower as they get older and the world gets faster. It's not always easy to just "keep up".