FFS why don't you drive ??

[nextdoorconundrum]

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

But that's only true for your experience in your location.

Other people live different places, have different experiences, and therefore you cannot speak for everyone.

I’m not suggesting I speak for everyone - can you point out where I said that?

Driving is a life skill and to try and suggest it’s akin to flying a plane or sailing a ferry is laughable.

if you don’t drive it clearly restricts your life and what you can and can’t do, to suggest otherwise is just being disingenuous.

I’m both Autistic and Adhd, and I’ve tried learning to drive multiple times.

I don’t multitask well.
I’m very anxious.
I don’t have good reflexes.
I’m extremely easily distracted.

I would very likely cause an accident if I was on the roads.

Is it ‘weedy’ to recognise that actually I’m not a good fit for this particular skill? I don’t think so.

Yes, I'm sure you are right. Poor woman. I live in a village and I rent so there's never security of tenure. In some ways I have more flexibility but finding somewhere affordable to rent is another story.
Due to medical issues, I lost my license for about 10 months a few years ago. The buses here are pitiful but I used those. We have a subsidised taxi service and a village bus but the hardest thing was a simple journey in the evening to about a mile away. I can't walk far and can't cycle (medical again) so it was the little journeys that were problematic.

There are obvious medical issues for some people.

This may blow your mind but neither I nor my husband drives! AND we live normal lives like normal people! Dun dun dunnnn.

So you must live in a city with decent public transport then.

So you never set foot in a car at all?

Yes I know two men who have never learned, and their partners do drive. I also know some women who have never learned (including one who now can’t because of epilepsy).

I can drive but don’t own a car. My OH the same. OP is that even more annoying for you?! 😂

when I was growing up, if you lived anywhere without good public transport you learnt to drive. I’m now in a city and I think fewer teenagers (boys and girls) are learning.

Exactly!

Of course, but the OP mentions ‘severe medical reasons’ for not being able to drive and then goes on to state that ‘even her DSS who is autistic’ can manage it.

I didn't drive for a while after moving in with my DH. He did. I didn't learn when younger as went to uni and didn't need a car, then moved to cities were parking spaces with houses were non existent so it was just easier not to have a car.
I did however learn when I needed to - we decided moving out of the city was what we wanted in future. I also didn't want DH to take me to pick me wedding dress up!!!
I saved for a year to afford an intensive course. Passed my test a month after the course. I then did all the driving to gain confidence. If I hadn't have 'needed' to for our future plans' I probably wouldn't have.

I have a friend who is approaching 40 and can not drive. She cant afford to take lessons let alone a car (although she no longer as a DH who can drive so no car in her house) and it has been that was for the last 20 years. She lives in cornwall in a small town. But has everything she needs on her doorstep. She doesn't 'need' to drive so hasn't learnt.

You must live in a city with good public transport. I live in the rural countryside with just a few houses.in the village. I couldn't even get a loaf of bread without a car (no village shop). Couldn't get to work, get to family, go and get any food etc. Buses are a couple a day into the city so don't really help. Everyone here starts learning the day they turn 17.

Passed test when 17 but never really got into driving as not needed at uni and then I moved to London. Still live in London - it's not practical to drive here and my corner has great public transport. I don't need to drive. So I don't. I also don't want the expense and hassle.

HTH.

How goady. I drive but have never berated the people I know who don't. Since it seems to be 'your business' ....
My mum: doesn't drive because of the fear or the horrific accident on her first lesson which left her car on its roof (other driver was at fault).
My sister: doesn't drive because she broke down suddenly whilst overtaking in the outside lane and lost confidence.
My friend: doesn't drive because she had a blackout. All ok now but again lost confidence.
Other people I know: live in areas of excellent public transport / can't justify the cost/ for environmental reasons.

People have told you they don't need to have a car or drive and you've said "you can't get a taxi at 3am".

Most people can. Some can't. But you're using your own experience to tell people what they can't do.

I couldn't care less whether other people drive or not as long as they are reasonable in their expectations of drivers giving them lifts, offering petrol money etc.

@SJM1988

She lives in cornwall in a small town. But has everything she needs on her doorstep. She doesn't 'need' to drive so hasn't learnt.

She may not need to drive now. But what about when all the things on her doorstep close down? What about when the local bus service is removed? She may be too old to learn by the time she needs to drive. Sadly, this is reality. Shops and local amenities have been closing down for decades and that trend isn't turning any time soon.

I'd like to know OP where you would like me to drive to exactly? I am able bodied and can easily walk to the station to catch a train to work. I have no dependent children or older relatives to chauffeur about. My DP loves driving and would in no way choose to be a passenger while I drove. My friends live locally and I walk to see them or a bus sometimes. Do you seriously think I should compromise my fitness and start driving everywhere instead? Fight my partner for a turn behind the wheel, making the journey less pleasant for us both? Or perhaps just tax and insure a car to sit unused on my drive in case someone requires me to take them to hospital? As for the stretch to frame non driving women as somehow anti feminist, I don't cook either if that makes you feel better, because my partner also likes to do that and I don't.

Listen here, Miss Snooty-Pants nextdoorconundrum

I don't drive because:

A: I'm physically disabled and my reflexes wouldn't be good enough and also lack of grip and strength.

B: My conditions make it awkward in the way I'm constantly tired and exhausted and I might actually nod off at the wheel.

C: I choose not to drive.

D: The price of the lessons that could go on for years, the price of the car - new or used - + all the other expenses such as license, maintenance etc. is not something I can ever afford.

E: As a front seat passenger I get absolutely scared shiftless by the idiots on the road who have no idea what an indicator is, how to change lanes properly, those nattering on mobiles or twisting their heads around to talk to someone in the back instead of keeping their eyes on the road ... the list is endless. Do any of those yourself, do you?

F: I live in a small town where the bus service is crap but I still don't need or want a car.

So I'll continue to refuse to take lessons and become a driver because YOU think I should.

Oh, and by the way, I'm not the slightest bit ''weedy''.

I really do think you should come off your ego peddle stool and let a life.

It's very interesting isn't it?

I have a friend who gets really worked up about people not wanting to drive.

Er what? So are you seriously suggesting you don’t think there are any areas of the country where it would be difficult / impossible to get a taxi in the middle of the night?

Online delivery.

There's another thread going on at the moment about the reason the high streets are failing. That same technology that's causing issues on the high street will actually help people who can't drive when those little shops shut.

Your post isn't about women drivers, it's about how you think everyone should be on the road if they want to be or not. Why exactly are you so angry about non-drivers?

No, I'm aware there is. But I'm not the one telling people who have already said that they can manage something that they can't.

Sounds the same as our village. It's not as if it's a tiny hamlet on a hillside. According to the parish council, the village is home to over 6,000 people, so it's more of a small town. Still very limiting as to what you can do within walking distance of your home though.

Yes, we still have a GP surgery, but barely any appointments are available there - even for a routine blood test you have to go to their main surgery in the next town - still, it's useful for dropping off prescription forms at the reception desk - oh wait! they've stopped allowing that now too and you have to order online.

The newsagents, post office, Spar shop, etc all closed down a few years ago. We have a garage that sells basic groceries, but you have to cross a busy main road to get to it and it's still outside the village centre.

The bus route through the village centre was closed back in 2005. For buses, you have to walk to the by pass down some narrow roads, not ideal for disabled and OAPs, but they manage! Bit hard in winter though when it's dark as some of the roads aren't lit, and no buses at all after 7pm and none at all on Sundays!

But yes, basically all 17 year olds learn to drive as soon as they can.