FFS why don't you drive ??

[nextdoorconundrum]

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

My relationships with family and friends aren't based on "reciprocating". I do things for my family because I love them and vice versa. I could have got a taxi to the hospital but my mum wanted to drive me to help me out. A one off emergency scenario that doesn't happen often!

If your adult child broke their ankle and you could drive them to the hospital would you be thinking about how they can reciprocate? Pretty weird way of thinking to me.

Or do you think the people living up the road from bus routes and tube stations and taxi tanks just have less cause to mention it? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Quite.

The problem is that people who choose not to drive always say that they don’t expect others to drive them, but them being non drivers can make the lives of others more difficult
My mother in law never learned to drive. If there were family events/ appointments dh would have to pick her up which was often a pain as she lived forty miles away from us at the time.
Mother in law would have said that she didn’t expect anyone to drive her around, but there is no way that my dh would have allowed his mother to take public transport.
Mother in law didn’t have any health issues, she just said that she couldn’t see the point in learning how to drive

I can drive but i hate it. I have my own car and DH has his car, i drive to work and the supermarket etc but I hate driving. So whenever we go anywhere together he drives. If we go somewhere far then I would obviously share the driving but when i can avoid driving i absolutely do! So these women you are referring to ,ight just not want to drive or just not enjoy driving. Its really that simple

Can't afford it

One of my friends would take me.

Even if I could drive we couldn't afford to run two cars and my partner needs one to get to work

Yeah you're right. I've had this too because of you're a decent person and you like them, you'll offer a lift. One thing I do think is selfish is not to learn to drive of you have children (unless you live in a city where you wouldn't be driving anyway).

A car doesn't make financial sense where we live. I hire a car maybe once every 2 years but that means I'm (realistically) a shit driver. That means I'm not going to even attempt to do a 14h drive (normal where I live) because it wouldn't be safe.

I always have a backup plan though and don't expect anyone else to drive me or change their plans just because I don't drive. Some understanding in reverse would be nice though. Don't get pissy if I don't attend work events or group holidays that require a car.

This!
Seriously, why so bothered?
Chill out 😁
Having a penis or not has nothing to do with it, that bit just makes you sound weird 🙄 😁
If we're going to go on a rant, drivers are the worst.
Once you pass your test, do they remove your ability to walk and the use of your legs?
As people end up driving to the shops at the end of the road or a mile down the road for the school run.

You're making a big assumption that his "nights out" are booze ridden! Which they're not.

He goes to the cinema with friends, or plays 5 a side football, or goes to watch his local football club evening matches, or just "hangs out" with friends playing computer games etc.

It's very limiting when there are no buses running after the end of the football match, or by the time the evening film finishes in the cinema, etc.

It'd be easy for him to get a taxi if he was out on a booze ridden pub crawl in the city centre. Unfortunately the cinema, football stadium and sports centre aren't in the city centre so it would cost a fortune to get a taxi as they charge to come out of the city if private hire, but it's actually hard to get them to do that anyway as they're all in and around the city for the "easy" pickup jobs. No taxi ranks outside out of town cinemas, sports centres and football stadia!

He wouldn't "let" her get public transport? 🙄
You say she's got no health issues so why not?
She's a grown adult who says she doesn't expect people to ferry her around.
Sorry but think it's worse those who martyr themselves offering you a lift but then whinge that they're "always giving you a lift" if you never expected one in the first place or it's them. controlling by "not letting" you get public transport!

If you don’t have a parent to support you learning when younger it can be very expensive.
I was ripped off by an instructor in my 20s who was just messing me about forever with no intention of putting me in for a test. I actually broke my leg so just stopped.
In the end DH bought me a small car so I could learn in outside of lessons, I passed very quickly.

I have a friend whose husband won’t learn and has no intention to. They have 4 children and all the sports clubs/ uni visits/kids social stuff has all fallen onto her. She even offered to teach him and he wouldn’t. She’s making her children learn.

And I knew a ridiculous non driving parent when DD was in primary. Who thought it was my hearts desire to drive her around all day. She only lived a few streets away and would want picking up/dropping off rather than walking the handful of minutes. I didn’t do it.

It’s very emotive and very interesting that it is.

I can understand why the non drivers might get emotional: being told they are “feeble”, lacking “vital” life skills, possibly feeling targeted because of a disability ( and even things like poor spatial awareness that isn’t diagnosed can be disabling to a degree), or, most understandably of all, they are forced to justify themselves by reviving memories of a traumatic road incident. An emotional response is fully understandable

But what’s up with the drivers? Why are they giving such a big fat toss? I can only really settle on one conclusion: this is flexing about the fact they can/ choose to do something some don’t. But are people really so lacking in more substantive positive attributes and achievements they are needing to find a sense of worth or superiority in that? 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s very emotive and very interesting that it is.

I can understand why the non drivers might get emotional: being told they are “feeble”, lacking “vital” life skills, possibly feeling targeted because of a disability ( and even things like poor spatial awareness that isn’t diagnosed can be disabling to a degree), or, most understandably of all, they are forced to justify themselves by reviving memories of a traumatic road incident. An emotional response is fully understandable

But what’s up with the drivers? Why are they giving such a big fat toss? I can only really settle on one conclusion: this is flexing about the fact they can/ choose to do something some don’t. But are people really so lacking in more substantive positive attributes and achievements they are needing to find a sense of worth or superiority in that? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Trouble is, these days, just glibly saying "I'd move" is no longer a viable option for lots of people due to the housing shortage and population increase.

Houses on bus routes and close to amenities are highly sought after by younger people, students and families. Worse in tourist places and Uni towns. Then you have to add in the investors who want houses on bus routes for buy to lets and houses near amenities for holiday lets.

Not everyone wants to move into expensive retirement complexes!

It took one of our neighbours a whopping three years to move from our road to the centre of the village. She wanted to be able to walk to the shops, chemist and GP surgery. Her husband had died unexpectedly early and she couldn't drive. Three years! It wasn't lack of money as her house was highly valued. It was simply lack of supply. The few houses that came up in the village were immediately snapped up by investors either wanting to rent them out or use as holiday lets. That was three years of having to call in favours to get anywhere or use taxis. Now she's finally moved, she can get around on buses more, so less need for taxis. She bitterly regrets never learning to drive - she just says she never thought the need as her husband always had a car, even since they first started dating, and she never imagined that he'd die first (even though statistics prove that it's usually the man in a marriage that dies first!).

I think its because a lot of people don't like driving. The chore, the responsibility, the expense, but are unwilling or unable to deal with any inconvenience arising from not. They look at people who somehow manage not to and feel resentful. They tend to hone in on the 'DH drives me' angle while ignoring the walk everywhere and stand waiting for a bus in the rain people, and have an image of non driving women sitting back being chauffeured everywhere by men, taking advantage of their friends, and going into a fluttery tail spin when these mythical emergencies arise that mean its absolutely essential to drive.

I have a full licence. I also had severe hip arthritis and can’t move my right leg safely to do an emergency stop.

i don’t have a lot of money. Bulk of it goes on the kids.

i don’t qualify for high rate pip mobility to get a motorbility car.

Would love to drive. Cost me loads though. Insurance would be high as well because of my disability.

I live in a small town in south wales, I can assure you that you can’t get a taxi at that time unless pre-booked.

@Calliopespa

But what’s up with the drivers? Why are they giving such a big fat toss?

It's because they feel put upon to constantly give lifts to non drivers, whether in workplace settings or family or neighbours etc., often due to pressure from bosses or emotional blackmail from friends and family.

Fair enough if you don't have to go out of your way. I've never had a problem dropping of a neighbour on my way to town etc.

But like I had to do with work many years ago, I was virtually the only driver in the small firm, so not only did I get allocated the "out of the office" jobs, I also ended up having to pick up and drop off other staff, either from the office or from their homes, which could add 30-60 minutes to the journey time as some staff lived quite a distance from the office. Like I did. If I was going somewhere on my own, I could just go straight from home, but if I had to pick someone up, I'd end up either having to drive for 10-20-30 miles in the opposite direction to their home, or have to drive into the congested town centre if they wanted picking up from the office. A right royal pain in the arse. It was one of the main reasons I gave up that job. Both the employer and other staff taking the piss and just expecting me to drive miles out of my way to pick them up.

If people can cope without cars, why couldn't my co-workers get themselves to clients' premises?

Same with my mother in law. Never bothered to learn to drive. Nothing to do with money, her family had money, she had a good job when she left school. She married young and her husband had a good job. But then again, she never learned to swim, never learned to ride a bike, etc. Basically never put herself out. Relied on her husband for everything really. Had children young (22 and 24) and never went back to work either. Never bothered with buses, so always lived somewhere near shops, so she'd walk to the shops etc. Anything further away, her husband had to drive. He died young. She still never bothered to learn to drive, never used buses, etc. Just spent the years bemoaning that all the local small shops were closing, the nearby library closed, she had to go to GP surgeries further away etc. Just constantly relying on my OH and his sister to ferry her around, never offering to pay petrol money, never even saying thanks, just a massive sense of entitlement playing the "woe is me, I'm a widow" card.

I have no problem at all with non drivers who make their own way in life, make sensible decisions as to where to live, happy to take buses/taxis, etc., and be self sufficient as far as possible. I do have a problem with the sanctimonious non drivers who bleat on about saving the planet etc., but then expect friends and family to drop everything and ferry them about!

Having lessons is hugely expensive - we have a driving instructor in the family & a 2 hour lesson is over £70. That’s one of the cheaper prices in our area. The test is £62 I believe.

Guys I don't think OP is ever coming back, she's probably at a bus stop shouting at those poor oppressed women 🙈

"Car brain" is real and a lot of you need to accept that some people just choose different lives to you! I love driving, but I also love my cargo bike, trains and boats 😉