FFS why don't you drive ??

[nextdoorconundrum]

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

I've been driving over 20 years because my parents were generous enough, and had the means, to support me in taking many lessons and more than one test! If that hadn't been the case then I would have been much older when I started and I'm sure that would have made it harder, I am naturally much more cautious now and my reaction times are slower, so I wonder whether that factors into reluctance for some people. (Though I have a friend who lives in the countryside with her family and has never learned, her husband had to take her everywhere and his mum ferries their boys around a huge amount which would make me feel so bad if I hadn't even tried to learn so I sort of get what OP is saying. Not my business though!)

My husband and I both passed as teenagers. However, he is the default driver for long distances on motorways because I hate it. I hate the speed. I am happy driving round the congested streets of London and could get a medal for parallel parking. But high speeds scare me. So he will do most of the fast driving. I don’t drink so I will drive us back from events. It works out fine.

Also we paid for our children to pass their tests before they left for university. Cost an absolute fortune. Financial reasons alone, I can see why people don’t learn to drive.

It was only from the Internet that I realised that people look down on those who can’t drive. It was a surprise to me. It has never crossed my mind to judge somebody for not being able to drive. Surely we need to give them credit for not contributing to the destruction of our planet? Unless they take the piss of course.

The only correct way to drive, is the way that works for you and your family surely.

I know what you mean, OP, but the other way round; I have 3 male relatives who don't drive and rely on their wives. I think it's weedy, too.
And lazy. One of them has the money, has a provisional licence but has decided he doesn't need to take a test as his wife can drive him everywhere. He has even suggested he doesn't need to pass a test as he can drive 'as long as she is in the car with me'.
Completely ignoring the fact that he can never pick her up from anywhere, or drop her off.
Incomprehensible.

I am definitely ‘weedy’ about motorways, though I can drive round London etc at night, no problem. Not the driving so much but the slip roads. The one near us is terrifying to join! I am pretty tough in many ways and am successful and do a job that many couldn’t. But motorway speeds, no thanks! You wouldn’t want a nervous motorway driver like me driving in front of you. It would be downright dangerous. Weedy and proud ;-)

That's not weedy, it's just unbelievably selfish and self absorbed. And incredibly unattractive. I'd have dropped him for that attitude long before it got that point.

Well there's aevere autism and severe autism
My severely autistic son is cognitively around 2/3 years ,is non ,verbal, extremely challenging behaviour etc etc ,I don't think it's wise to let him loose in a car .

Blimey! Who pissed in your cornflakes? Not everyone can afford lessons, or the extra expense that comes with owning a car.

And why do people say they 'don't' drive rather than 'can't '? I can't work that one out

Don't = chosen not to

Can't = medical condition that prevents me driving

yes, and people make their decisions about where they live and whether they drive based on things like the availability of public transport and taxis.

No but it always seems to be the women who live rurally who are either single parents or have useless "D"partners who can't.

The issue is the pressure it puts on the other person or on family/friends. I have a friend who doesn’t drive, but she cycles everywhere, I have never needed to give her a lift, although I have done on the odd occasion but always at my suggestion. My BIL on the other hand… he refuses to learn (too stressful?!) and my SIL has to do all the school runs/shopping/holiday driving. They live in a city, so he can get around on his own, but they have a small child and family miles away so they do need to use the car, it just falls to her. He was very keen for the car to be bought and said he would learn to drive at the time,
but now happily sits back and lets her do it, even when pregnant! It’s not just women however.

Except that they often don't. There are a lot of threads on MN where people live rurally and can't (or won't or don't) drive. I realise not everyone has the luxury of choice but it does seem to be disproportionately rural dwellers who can't drive.

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos - yes! Completely agree, nearly put 'unattractive' in my post but didn't want to enrage anybody.

He was very keen for the car to be bought and said he would learn to drive at the time, but now happily sits back and lets her do it, even when pregnant

I wasn't aware that pregnancy affected your ability to drive. I drove to and from work throughout my pregnancy.

However, if you have kids you need to be able to run them round to places so I suggest she tells him to prioritise learning, pronto.

We’re currently almost a year in paying for DS’s (17) driving lessons. We’ve been fortunate enough to have been able to afford this. Test is booked but there are delays, so currently trying to find earlier tests via different cancellation apps.

Not everyone is as fortunate, a block booking of 10 currently costs £370 (which is a reduced rate). individual lessons are £45, so makes sense to block book.

I don’t want to even think about the eye watering insurance costs when he does eventually pass 🙈

FFS - I don't drive firstly due to severe short sightedness, which I'm lazy to get sorted out since nowadays there are good specs and contact lenses.
And, after driving briefly when younger, decided there was nothing in it for me!
😁

Eye watering insurance only affects the very young. Usually on MN we are talking about women in their 30s who don't pay a huge amount for insurance. I passed my test when I was 18 but didn't run a car myself until I was in my mid to late 20s so the insurance wasn't that bad, even without a no claims bonus to start off with.

I could drive when pregnant but I was also exhausted while pregnant.

And then towards the end I couldn't fit behind the wheel in our car.

Also, would you have driven yourself to hospital while in active labour? I certainly couldn't have driven with the contractions I had.

Yes but we can then reciprocate. What if one of your family broke an ankle?
I understand that driving is not something everyone can or wants to do but to pretend it doesn’t restrict you is disingenuous

I agree OP. It's a basic life skill. Although if people can manage it themselves and don't expect others to drive them, then I can't see an issue

How do you know you can't get a taxi at 3am? Unless of course you've tried but why would you do that when you have a car and can drive?

I wouldn't care if a member of my family could return the "favour" of driving me to the hospital, I'd just take them. If I needed to get to hospital, I would get there anyway.

Family / life isn't transactional.

No taxis here after about midnight, I have a friend who doesn't drive who has called me at 4am to drive her child to the hospital. I did it, but it's also a bit pathetic really- having children rurally you should have a car unless there's a medical reason. She can drive and could afford a car but she just doesn't like it and says she'll catch public transport, not always possible here.

You do know some men also don't drive.

My brother, late 30s, being one

“Can.Not.Com.Pute.
Poster’s Life Does Not Resemble My Own.
Mind. Blown. 🤯”