FFS why don't you drive ??

[nextdoorconundrum]

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

I can agree with it not being a well worded starting post

That pretty much sums it up.

I don’t drive simply for 3 reasons,

1. I can’t afford too, 2, I don’t want too

3, too many dicks on the road. I get road rage as a passenger, I think driving will put me over the edge 😂. also DP drives, it’s about the only thing he does do so I’m happy for him to drive me places 🤭

This is me. Don't understand why OP is riled up by this.

I live in Sunderland and I don't drive. I'm mid 40's. I work 7 days a week - pay my rent, my taxes, my food, all the rest of it. With what is left, I do not want to spend on a) driving lessons b) a driving test c) buying a car d) fuel for said car e) tax, insurance, MOT etc for said car. I ask absolutely no one for a lift anywhere, ever.

Instead of paying out huge sums of money for vehicle that I do not need, I'm saving up to buy an apartment instead. Is that alright with you, OP?

Some people can drive, some people can punctuate. 🤷

You cannot possibly know this.

My daughter was diagnosed with dyslexia the other day and the specialist we saw said he has even diagnosed adults who have made it to retirement age before they realised.

None of your business really, is it?

Men are less risk averse. It's not rocket science. Cars are dangerous. Even if you're a good driver it doesn't mean that other people on the road are.

I live on the outskirts of a city and virtually nobody I know drives. It's too congested and parking is expensive and problematic.

DH does majority of our family driving as I can drive but choose not to due to chronic migraines.
Don’t want to put myself, my passengers, and other road users at risk!

I hardly know anyone in real life who can’t drive, but there seem to be loads on MN. And they never say ‘can’t drive’, they say ‘don’t drive’. Weird.

What annoys me is when they’re like, “Here’s my problem” and then loads of posters offer solutions and the OP is like, "Ah, I can't do that because I don’t drive.”

Wtf? So it affects people’s lives and stops them from doing things and yet they just accept it? Baffling.

I know learning is expensive. I worked as a waitress when I was 17 so I could afford my lessons. We were poor. But I prioritised it because, you know, freedom.

I passed in my 30s and it is useful to drive, I like it. I have several friends who fit your criteria. The answers IMHO are:

• The DVLA are awful, if you didn't pass as a teenager, learning on your 30s/40s is grim. Teachers are mostly patronising. It IS harder to learn any new thing than as a teenager. Examiners will fail you again and again when they'd have let a 17yo boy pass "he needs it for his job... Her husband can drive her so she might as well take it again to get her confidence up" is the mentality. The DVLA are c*nuts.

• if it's the man's car, he can be really precious about it, and "letting" wife/GF learn/practice is more emotional stress than it's worth for some women

• if your DH is lazy around the house, if only he drives, you can send him to the supermarket. it's a blunt instrument for fixing inequality of domestic labour elsewhere

• where do you find the time? Even if you want to learn to drive, OP, have a quick Google of the absolute shitshow that it is getting a test slot. It's unreal. The theory test is valid for (IIRC) 2 years now, instead of 10 years, or forever, like it used to be. So you try fitting that in around childcare/work. Good luck!

• If public transport/bike is good enough to go to work and back, and your DH/partner can drive, the family outings are sorted so... Why bother? It's not like the car is some magical cheat code to total freedom? Just have one less stressful thing in your life!

• if you dont have children and earn decent money, honestly why bother, Uber is cheap and almost everywhere. Taking taxis for holiday/nights out/B&Q run still cheaper than owning a car. And you can BOTH have a drink on a night out.

Having climbed the uphill mountain of learning to drive in my 30s I am always encouraging my friends to crack on and do it, too. But these are the reasons they've told me/I've inferred and they're all perfectly valid. So unless all your mates are asking you for lifts... Chill out 😉

Spot on. Why on earth would you be encouraging people who are anxious about doing something like driving to get on the road? Do you want MORE accidents? This is an odd thread.

Look at how nearly everyone feels they have to drive in America ( outside of NYC and a few other cities) and how they also have a far higher rate of car accidents. We should be glad not driving is a feasible option in many parts of the country here. So those unsuitable for it can rule themselves out and make the roads safer.

Our children, like every one of their peers, was given lessons as a 17th birthday gift, and had passed before they were 18. Some kids might not want to/be able to, but they must be the exception.

The person who said this is so massively out of touch it’s almost laughable. I grew up in a working class area and most kids didn’t get driving lessons on their 17th, 18th or any subsequent birthday! The ones who didn’t were the norm not the exception, and it wasn’t because the kids didn’t want to it was because their parents couldn’t afford it.

Although in the predominantly middle clsss school I went to in another area, yes at least half the kids had driving lessons from age 17 paid for by their parents . It really depends but thankfully it’s not the norm everywhere.

And also teens /young adults have a far higher rate of car accidents so again it’s not really advisable for all of them to be on the road.

Because I’m a genuinely shit driver and would be dangerous on the road.

i can’t tell left from right, and during driving lessons went the wrong way round a roundabout and down a dual carriageway.

Golly. How angry you are. I have a license (auto only, couldn't compute gears). I got it late in life and under duress. I absolutely loathe driving. It makes me anxious to the point of nausea.

But that's a me problem. It doesn't impact on others. So leave me alone.

Hey, at least you tried .. or some other patronising bollocks like that.

I often find myself thinking’FFS why don’t you walk’ to people (disabled or fime-poor aside) who drive! So unhealthy and unnecessary. We’ve become far too reliant on cars. I choose to live in locations where walking cycling and/pr public transport are the preferred forms of getting around and find them much healthier and happier overall.

I never passed my test. In fact, the driving instructor said that he couldn’t imagine I’d be ready to sit it any time soon (this was after 2 years of lessons)

I know a very practical, intelligent woman who has spent over GBP6000 on lessons. She has failed twice. She has paid so much just to not forget how to drive because it took her 11 months to be able to re take the test where she lives - London. She was offered an earlier test in Scotland though.
I think there is a plot to reduce drivers' numbers by making getting and passing a test very difficult.

I don't drive. I had driving lessons forced on me as a seventeenth birthday present despite my not wanting them, failed the test and refused to take it again. I have no need of a driving license and no interest in travelling by car - I don't take taxis either.

But I can drive in that I could operate a car and manage on the road if there was some kind of emergency that required it, although it's been a few years.

I've never been able to afford to learn and even if I could have we definitely couldn't afford to run two cars and DH needs the one we have for work. I don't expect anyone (except DH!) to give me lifts and am bemused that my inability to drive angers you OP, how is it hurting/bothering you?

Idk. I learned to drive aged 17, as did my brothers, but one couldn’t pass til he was in his 30s though.

Some people can’t afford to learn. Some live in eg London/ Manchester so don’t feel the need to. Some people have dyspraxia and just can’t get it. Some probably think it’s bad for the environment (which it is) and don’t want to add to that.

Yes there are women who decide they don’t have to because of their sex, or whose partners perhaps don’t want them to. But you can’t assume that without knowing a person.

Man here, 44, never driven in my life, never plan to....
...don't miss what I've never done.

@WhatdoIdoooooo
"I’d hate to feel so reliant on other people "
Actually, you are conflating two separate issues; those that can't or won't drive, and those without a car.
I know some people who CAN drive, and have a valid driving license, but cannot afford a car at the moment, so in some instances is reliant on other people.
Now this I agree with you, that if I did not drive, then living in an area with loads of public transport, I would pesonally make sure I was not reliant on other people.

I think there is a plot to reduce drivers' numbers by making getting and passing a test very difficult.

The thought has crossed my mind too @Maurepas they’re making it so difficult and so expensive to get a test it almost seems deliberate. They’re also putting it on instructors records if their learners fail which makes some instructors overly cautious to put learners forward for driving tests.

I was meant to sit my test in July then my instructor a week before basically said he was having cold feet about it, which totally dented my confidence so I rescheduled the test to late November as I couldn’t find any earlier tests.

I know someone’s whose daughters test was cancelled a week before and the next One they offered her was 2 months later.