Page 21 | FFS why don't you drive ??

CassandraWebb · 15/08/2024 22:23

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/08/2024 22:11

That's fair enough. isn't it, it's totally understandable. You could easily say "I don't drive, I have severe anxiety around it for very good reasons but it's not something I want to talk about."

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Even just saying that would have sent me into a mental spiral for days for a long time.

Why should I have to give any reason? I cycled , walked or got the train everywhere. It was noones business but my own.

(I do drive now because my son was ill and needed regular hospital trips. But it took heaps of therapy and hours of driving lessons where I would just pull over and sob for big chunks of them)

gamerchick · 15/08/2024 22:23

I drive, I refuse to have husband as a passenger though, lest he finds himself tipped out onto the pavement and made to walk. So he does the driving when we're together. For harmonies sake.

Isthisit22 · 15/08/2024 22:24

People who don’t drive always come on here claiming never to get lifts, but honestly other people ARE accommodating you.
I only have one friend who doesn’t drive and several of us drive over to her side of town, or we choose a place we don’t necessarily want to go, or we drive her places. She’s lovely and very grateful, but it does grate a bit. She also relies on her husband to drive her everywhere and her kids miss out on parties, clubs etc at times.
Another woman I know has to rely on her husband to drive her to work and back as he works close by. Sometimes I think she doesn’t go in if he’s off ill (very little public transport).
I feel sad for all of these women missing out on the freedom that driving brings. I’m not even talking about older women. These are women in their 30s!

StarShineHello · 15/08/2024 22:24

nextdoorconundrum · 15/08/2024 19:43

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

Because I have extreme anxiety and wouldn't feel safe on the roads. I feel my inability to be calm even in normal situations refrains me from driving safely and I wouldn't want to put anyone in danger, Inc my own children.

So DH drives. I don't.

Beezknees · 15/08/2024 22:26

Isthisit22 · 15/08/2024 22:24

People who don’t drive always come on here claiming never to get lifts, but honestly other people ARE accommodating you.
I only have one friend who doesn’t drive and several of us drive over to her side of town, or we choose a place we don’t necessarily want to go, or we drive her places. She’s lovely and very grateful, but it does grate a bit. She also relies on her husband to drive her everywhere and her kids miss out on parties, clubs etc at times.
Another woman I know has to rely on her husband to drive her to work and back as he works close by. Sometimes I think she doesn’t go in if he’s off ill (very little public transport).
I feel sad for all of these women missing out on the freedom that driving brings. I’m not even talking about older women. These are women in their 30s!

Nobody is accommodating me. Most of my friends can't drive either so we're in the same boat. I don't have a partner so nobody drives me anywhere.

Wigtopia · 15/08/2024 22:26

Movinghouseatlast · 15/08/2024 19:47

And why do people say they 'don't' drive rather than 'can't '? I can't work that one out.

Anyway, I only know men who can't drive and I know 3 of them. None of them have medical reasons not to learn. Their wives drive them everywhere.

I didn't drive this year because I had a frozen shoulder which meant I physically couldn't

Edited

I don’t drive! I can drive, but haven’t had a car for over 12 years after moving from somewhere rural to a city with great transport links!

Arrivapercy · 15/08/2024 22:27

Taking a more factual stance

81% of men have license but only 70% of women do

I can understand why this could be a concerning statistic. It could indicate:

woman being denied access to the money required to learn
women not having access to the greater career opportunities available if you are able to drive
women being denied permission to learn for reasons of control/limiting their movements
women having been socialised to perceive driving as "hard" or something men are "better at" and thus not learning

Thepossibility · 15/08/2024 22:27

I only got my licence when I had my first child. I come from a broken, dysfunctional home where there wasn't money for food let alone driving lessons. Definitely no reliable car to practise in. Or sober parent to take me. DH got his as soon as he was able because he had all these things. If I had his parents and he mine it would have been the other way around, nothing to do with his penis.

Lourdes12 · 15/08/2024 22:27

Some people just never ever pass their driving test! I know two people like this

Calliopespa · 15/08/2024 22:28

TransformerZ · 15/08/2024 22:09

I didn't say even!

My point is if my immigrant grandma could learn to drive in the 70's with her broken English with all the adversity she faced as a brown woman, broken English, accent then I don't sympathise with the likes of my neighbour who can't drive and the woman I knew at school who didn't have those adverse conditions.

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But it’s not about language barriers is it. What gems do you think they were potentially missing: “the aim is to keep the car on the road and not hit anything?” They probably grasped that regardless. Road signs are designed to transcend language. The difficulties are generally spatial or psychological. You sound desperately unsympathetic.

Namechangeno · 15/08/2024 22:28

StarShineHello · 15/08/2024 22:24

Because I have extreme anxiety and wouldn't feel safe on the roads. I feel my inability to be calm even in normal situations refrains me from driving safely and I wouldn't want to put anyone in danger, Inc my own children.

So DH drives. I don't.

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I have a few female friends who don’t drive,mainly financial reasons,anxiety! I also have male friends who also don’t drive for the same reasons…this thread is so misogynistic!

Tahlbias · 15/08/2024 22:28

nextdoorconundrum · 15/08/2024 19:47

I'm angry because I think women are persuaded that driving isn't important.. which is true if you live in London.. or Manchester/ etc but not true anywhere else unless you happen to live in the utopian city/town of excellent public transport.

What makes you think women are persuaded that driving isn't important?

Arrivapercy · 15/08/2024 22:29

So even factoring in:

people living in cities with great public transport
people with disabilities that hinder driving
people not being able to afford to learn, or own/run a vehicle
people who simply don't want to

None of these explain or justify why
11% more men have a license than women.

notworthanything · 15/08/2024 22:29

I HAVE A CAR IN THE HOUSEHOLD, but I don't drive. DH does. I was learning, but then had a baby at 19. DH passed his test a month after we had the baby (as you know, he hadn't just given birth). Meant to go back to lessons but money was tight, eventually went back and was pretty shit at it. Too hesitant, as my instructor said. Had another baby, money was tighter.

DH needs the car every day for work, I don't. Can't afford lessons, and definitely not a second car, with all the costs that are involved with that. It doesn't affect my life that much.

It's not "weedy" to not have a certain skill, but it is weird to be so angry frustrated over some posts online from people you don't even know.

Also, I know you've said you don't mean people with disabilities, but have you considered that not everyone you meet is telling you their life story?

sunburnandsangria · 15/08/2024 22:30

I couldn't afford to learn age 17-25. I was then too busy with work and didn't need to due to great public transport where I live.
I now really need to drive for kids hobby/social activities but it's sooo expensive to learn, pass, get insurance, get and maintain a car, I'm actually better off just using Ubers when needed.

supersop60 · 15/08/2024 22:30

I was desperate to learn to drive at 17, and I can't understand anyone (who is able) not wanting to.
My DM had a colleague who didn't drive - "I don't need to, I can get a lift anywhere"
CF

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 15/08/2024 22:30

I agree with you OP.

I'm the driver and my husband isn't in our family, so I'm the one that does the carting of the children about and all that jazz.

But DH has never ever been unable to get himself about - although granted we do live in a city with good transport links - but he gets up for a 6am bus every week, he gets himself home, when his son was little he'd go and collect him on the bus and has basically always taken responsibility.

It's not those that don't drive that get me - it's those that don't drive but also move to the countryside, isolating themselves from friends and family, and then also seem to have bunches of children in such quick succession that it makes it impossible to go anywhere without a car.

Maybe I'm being judgey. But there's a lot of women who come on here who could easily sort most of the difficulties in their lives by learning to drive.

CuloGrande · 15/08/2024 22:31

it took me until my late 20s to pass because I needed 18 months of 2 lessons a week at £35 a lesson, plus buying and taxing and insurance. I’ve never had help from family since 16 - it took me a long time but I was always set on learning and despised not being able to.

i really don’t understand people with no desire to learn. There is a woman at work who doesn’t drive, but she moved to the arse end of nowhere off a bus route. She’s always complaining she doesn’t see her friends as they don’t always want to go to hers. Her DP drives but works 14 hour shifts so on his work days she gets a taxi into town with the kids and hangs around until after school with the baby. It sounds so miserable.

Snarpy · 15/08/2024 22:31

I can't drive, not for any 'acceptable' reason. I hate being in a car, it's extremely boring. When I do end up in a car on any motorway it makes me want to tear my eyeballs out with frustration.

But I live in the city, so I'm exempt from OP's fiery eye.

Grew up rurally, and unlike others who've posted, not everyone learnt to drive at 17. Not just because of money, but often because they were waiting it out until university and didnt see the point of learning to drive then not doing it for long stretches of time.

The only people I can think of who live genuinely rurally (not in a town) and don't drive are there because of social housing allocation. In most of the tales on MN, the man is at least emotionally abusive and has coerced the situation towards dependency.

Moier · 15/08/2024 22:31

I don't drive.. because l got thrown under a moving bus and left for dead. Is that good enough for you?
Who made you judge and jury.
Get over your anger and yourself.

Beezknees · 15/08/2024 22:31

supersop60 · 15/08/2024 22:30

I was desperate to learn to drive at 17, and I can't understand anyone (who is able) not wanting to.
My DM had a colleague who didn't drive - "I don't need to, I can get a lift anywhere"
CF

So you're unable to understand simple things like people have different wants than you.

Isthisit22 · 15/08/2024 22:31

Beezknees · 15/08/2024 22:26

Nobody is accommodating me. Most of my friends can't drive either so we're in the same boat. I don't have a partner so nobody drives me anywhere.

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So you’ve never had a lift anywhere, ever?

Edingril · 15/08/2024 22:31

Isthisit22 · 15/08/2024 22:24

People who don’t drive always come on here claiming never to get lifts, but honestly other people ARE accommodating you.
I only have one friend who doesn’t drive and several of us drive over to her side of town, or we choose a place we don’t necessarily want to go, or we drive her places. She’s lovely and very grateful, but it does grate a bit. She also relies on her husband to drive her everywhere and her kids miss out on parties, clubs etc at times.
Another woman I know has to rely on her husband to drive her to work and back as he works close by. Sometimes I think she doesn’t go in if he’s off ill (very little public transport).
I feel sad for all of these women missing out on the freedom that driving brings. I’m not even talking about older women. These are women in their 30s!

To me it's not freedom as I said before it's traffic, parking, petrol or charging, servicing, MOT, tyres, cleaning, repairs buying and selling a car

And no we don't get lifts we don't need too and we walk a lot

TransformerZ · 15/08/2024 22:32

Calliopespa · 15/08/2024 22:28

But it’s not about language barriers is it. What gems do you think they were potentially missing: “the aim is to keep the car on the road and not hit anything?” They probably grasped that regardless. Road signs are designed to transcend language. The difficulties are generally spatial or psychological. You sound desperately unsympathetic.

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You're right.
I am unsympathetic to people who can't do basics that don't have a condition that prevents them.

NowImNotDoingIt · 15/08/2024 22:33

Arrivapercy · 15/08/2024 22:27

Taking a more factual stance

81% of men have license but only 70% of women do

I can understand why this could be a concerning statistic. It could indicate:

woman being denied access to the money required to learn
women not having access to the greater career opportunities available if you are able to drive
women being denied permission to learn for reasons of control/limiting their movements
women having been socialised to perceive driving as "hard" or something men are "better at" and thus not learning

Or , men are more reckless and feckless and insist on driving when they shouldn't (either to begin with or because of age).

There are hundreds of posts on here about FIL/Dad/elderly neighbour that continue driving despite being impaired. Men driving drunk or on drugs or in an impaired mental state.Speeding. Reckless , angry and dangerous driving. Road rage. Plenty other issues.