Page 19 | FFS why don't you drive ??

nextdoorconundrum · 2024-08-15T18:43:50+00:00

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does .. Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ? Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license.. There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

Namechangeno · 15/08/2024 22:01

My Mum taught my Dad to drive…she would be 95 now if still alive.
I wasn’t interested in learning until about 26 and my son and daughter were in their mid 20s before passing.
Youngest son got his licence aged 18 …we are all different 🤦‍♀️

Calliopespa · 15/08/2024 22:01

CassandraWebb · 15/08/2024 21:59

I didn't learn until my 30s because I suffered a devastating loss when my first boyfriend died in a car accident. I could barely look at a car for years never mind face learning to drive one.

I defy you to suggest I am weak in any way. I went through far more than any young adult should ever have to and still managed a first class degree, success in a sport and to volunteer regularly and have a career.

And I didn't tell very many people why. So yes I am sure some of them thought I was weak or pathetic. That's on them

These are the sorts of stories that make this such a daft and insensitive thread.

School holidays I guess…

Sometimesright · 15/08/2024 22:02

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 15/08/2024 21:10

In some ways, I agree OP. But, even worse, are the people who learn to drive, then they restrict themselves into only driving locally etc and become avoidant of motorways and unfamiliar journeys. If they have a genuine reason and fear of getting lost etc, I do truly empathetise and understand; I've been there.

I was told I wasn't a natural driver by my driving instructor. I took my test 5 times before passing, and I still get lost even after driving for 20 plus years. And I truly can't park that well and don't have the best spatial awareness, so kind of restrict myself to medium sized SUVs like the Mini Countryman that I drive... but I think I was forced into being a better, more confident driver by an ex-boss, who made me drive to Wales from Bucks for a business trip 🤣😱😖😂

I know some people struggle for all sorts of reasons with confidence driving etc, but when people who can drive like my aunt then decide not to drive any long distances, and put all the driving (unfairly) on their DH... I do think they are making a bit of a rod for their backs.

Each to their own though.

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I come into that first category. I wish I had the confidence. I know it would definitely make my life better but I panic and can’t breathe. I do think leaving it so long to learn didn’t help! That said it’s only me that suffers and luckily my husband loves me enough to not make me feel bad about it .

Beezknees · 15/08/2024 22:02

localnotail · 15/08/2024 21:58

I think (unless you can't drive for medial reasons or so poor your cant afford a car) its just laziness and learned helplessness. I know someone who never got her license because "her legs shook so much" - her husband and family have to drive her everywhere now, she is 50 but has to ask for lifts like a child.

I hated learning to drive, was really stressed and struggled to learn, and only passed my test on the 4th time after taking betablockers )) however, after the initial nerves I was a confident driver and commuted for many years, and travelled for work around the country. But I never particularly liked driving, and was happy to mostly give it up once I moved to London. The reason I persevered? I wanted freedom and independence, as well as better work prospects.

I can't drive and don't ask for lifts anywhere. I've left an abusive relationship, lived alone and raised a child all by myself from age 18, work and pay my bills as a single person. Never had any help from anyone for anything.

Wouldn't call myself "helpless" personally.

CassandraWebb · 15/08/2024 22:02

Calliopespa · 15/08/2024 21:42

Yes I thought “wow” too! So much venom.

My grandmother never drove as she didn’t feel In control. She was very good with fine motor skills but didn’t feel comfortable manoeuvring a car. It’s really immature to suggest people who don’t feel comfortable in control of a car should do it anyway just to pacify irritable busybodies. I don’t believe in people being pressured into things

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Quite. Everyone seems to forget they are machines capable of killing at the end of the day.

Calliopespa · 15/08/2024 22:02

confusedthirtysomething2 · 15/08/2024 21:53

This hit a nerve.

I have a driving license but since having a nervous breakdown three years ago, resulting in an adhd diagnosis, followed by a minor accident, I lost all confidence in myself.

I feel like utter crap when I see friends doing the school run and driving their kids to the beach in summer… I get so so angry with myself for not just getting over it and getting back behind the wheel. Baffles DH too.

And another story…

Why the bitch fest on non-drivers? I feel like op has someone specific in mind .

TransformerZ · 15/08/2024 22:02

NowImNotDoingIt · 15/08/2024 21:57

@TransformerZ you don't come across any better than your neighbour.

You're sympathetic toward a racist.

kerstina · 15/08/2024 22:03

Well I live close to excellent train and bus links in a city so I guess that lets me off your hook.
I wish I could drive I really do but my reasons are mainly anxiety driving ,lack of confidence and struggling with reverse parking , reversing despite having at least 30 lessons over a few years. If that makes me weedy so be it at least I am not judgmental. I think the roads are safer without me on it .
i walked everywhere for years so am doing my bit for the environment and it probably helped me stay slim. Can’t get my head around people driving to get to a gym rather than just walking. Each to their own!

Octoberdreaming · 15/08/2024 22:03

What a bizarre post.
Who are you to pass judgement about other people’s lifestyle choices?
I drive because I have to drive for my own reasons. I don’t think anything less of those who choose not to drive as it is non of my business, and nor is it yours.

Edingril · 15/08/2024 22:04

localnotail · 15/08/2024 21:58

I think (unless you can't drive for medial reasons or so poor your cant afford a car) its just laziness and learned helplessness. I know someone who never got her license because "her legs shook so much" - her husband and family have to drive her everywhere now, she is 50 but has to ask for lifts like a child.

I hated learning to drive, was really stressed and struggled to learn, and only passed my test on the 4th time after taking betablockers )) however, after the initial nerves I was a confident driver and commuted for many years, and travelled for work around the country. But I never particularly liked driving, and was happy to mostly give it up once I moved to London. The reason I persevered? I wanted freedom and independence, as well as better work prospects.

I live in a city I don't drive because I can't be bothered and hate traffic it is a choice I made freely I have no need to drive and have to service a car, pay for petrol, pay for new tyres

I feel free walking and taking public transport as I don't need to fight for parking I can sit and be on the internet or play games or talk to people and better for the environment and the money we save on not having a car we have more holidays

A lot of men I know don't drive

NowImNotDoingIt · 15/08/2024 22:04

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ZiriForGood · 15/08/2024 22:04

nextdoorconundrum · 15/08/2024 21:19

This sums up my point exactly.

Live in a well connected city ?
Then no issue. You don't need it.

Don't have a car in your household ?
Then almost certainly, not financially viable .. no issue . Completely understandable.

Live in a rural area and/or village/town with crap transport AND your DP/DH has a car .. then why not ?

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So the situation you are interested in is living ruraly and DP/DH has a car. It's not my case, but it sounds obvious - DP/DH uses the car in his daily routine , so the only opportunity to use the "family" car is when he is home and available, so he can just drive it as well.
There is little incentive to start/restart driving if you don't expect to have a reasonable access to a car.

As a side note, I do know some men with driving anxiety, some who declared themselves unsafe to drive.. when I see how you judge women who don't drive, I'm not sure any men would be overly happy to discuss his non

Namechangeno · 15/08/2024 22:04

TransformerZ · 15/08/2024 21:55

I don't like racists, no.
This is just another thing to add to her uselessness.

Every person I've personally met that can't drive has been severely lacking in other areas of life.

If my immigrant grandma could learn to drive and all her immigrant friends then no excuse unless medical.

I know a woman who can't drive and didn't pass her GCSE's - how is that possible? - you sit in silence in class, no matter how boring it is, you've got nothing else to focus on, how can you not pass your GCSE's in an environment that isn't disruptive?!

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Well you might think you are not racist 🫤But you are very judgmental!!

Calliopespa · 15/08/2024 22:04

Papyrophile · 15/08/2024 21:56

If you can count and see, then you can understand traffic light instructions. They work from top to bottom and are designed to be clear/safe for the colour blind. You sound deliberately, willfully determined to evade any effort to be a competent adult.

That isn’t everything involved in driving by a long shot. Can you actually drive?

Beezknees · 15/08/2024 22:05

TransformerZ · 15/08/2024 21:55

I don't like racists, no.
This is just another thing to add to her uselessness.

Every person I've personally met that can't drive has been severely lacking in other areas of life.

If my immigrant grandma could learn to drive and all her immigrant friends then no excuse unless medical.

I know a woman who can't drive and didn't pass her GCSE's - how is that possible? - you sit in silence in class, no matter how boring it is, you've got nothing else to focus on, how can you not pass your GCSE's in an environment that isn't disruptive?!

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I'd far rather be friends with a non driver than you to be honest, you don't sound like a nice person to be around!

CassandraWebb · 15/08/2024 22:06

CassandraWebb · 15/08/2024 21:59

I didn't learn until my 30s because I suffered a devastating loss when my first boyfriend died in a car accident. I could barely look at a car for years never mind face learning to drive one.

I defy you to suggest I am weak in any way. I went through far more than any young adult should ever have to and still managed a first class degree, success in a sport and to volunteer regularly and have a career.

And I didn't tell very many people why. So yes I am sure some of them thought I was weak or pathetic. That's on them

And, for the avoidance of doubt, as a result I have had various people open up to me in confidence about why they don't drive.

Too often the story is similar. And again, not a trauma you want to relive by telling it over and over again.

And it's all very well pushing children through the lessons as fast as possible but don't let them forget its a killing machine at the end of the day. In addition to my own devastating loss, my cousin lost four of his friends in a car accident- one of them was given a car the day he passed his test .. the next day he took his friends out for the day and none of them came home. And these were sensible, studious boys, not boy racers.

Cleanupspillydrink · 15/08/2024 22:06

I reluctantly learnt to drive a few years ago but the people I know who don’t drive for a load of vague reasons are excellent company and bring a huge amount of joy to the people around them. If you’re generally annoyed by people not driving you have to wonder how enjoyable you are
to be around. It’s great to be able to jump in the car and drive yourself to lunch/supermarket/podiatrist and “take control” but if no one really gives a fuck becuase you’re so insufferable what’s the point of any of it.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/08/2024 22:06

localnotail · 15/08/2024 21:58

I think (unless you can't drive for medial reasons or so poor your cant afford a car) its just laziness and learned helplessness. I know someone who never got her license because "her legs shook so much" - her husband and family have to drive her everywhere now, she is 50 but has to ask for lifts like a child.

I hated learning to drive, was really stressed and struggled to learn, and only passed my test on the 4th time after taking betablockers )) however, after the initial nerves I was a confident driver and commuted for many years, and travelled for work around the country. But I never particularly liked driving, and was happy to mostly give it up once I moved to London. The reason I persevered? I wanted freedom and independence, as well as better work prospects.

Yeah, I used to get so nervous with my lessons I'd have run to the toilet the hour before most of my lessons. Some people find learning fun but i hated it. I sweated so much with nerves, my instructor had to get one of those beaded seat covers to try and get some air flow round my arse otherwise I'd leave the seat hot and a bit damp 😄

Of course, I could have given up any time,finding it so terrifying. but I pushed through it, and I think this is why some of us find it a bit "weedy", to just choose not to, or say "I don't like driving". No, it's NOT pleasant, driving, when you're a novice driver. Even when you've passed, it's still horrible for the first year or so. But the only possible way to get better at it is to keep at it and practise! To just give in because of nerves is a bit wet. And I do say this as a generally anxious kind of person. After over 30 years of driving experience I still don't like driving round busy cities I'm unfamiliar with, but sat nav/google maps helps enormously.

Same with motorways. They're hard work, you realy need to concentrate, and I do say a little prayer every time I get home safely 😆but I am determined that I will take my sons to and from uni when needed and not "wimp out".

Original poster

nextdoorconundrum · 15/08/2024 22:07

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/08/2024 22:00

Who cares?

Its not affecting you so why so angry about it?

Not angry in the slightest. Just frustrated by MN posts that start .. I don't drive .. DH/dp does ... and then a massive whine about how tricky it is to move kids and self from a-b..

That is why I made this post about households that have a car but often one partner (most frequently the woman) appears so passive about driving ..

It is not about driving if you live in a well connected city

Or about not being able to afford it because you don't have a car ..

It's about those who live in areas that require a car AND have one in their household BUT only one partner is able to utilise it .

OP posts:

Edingril · 15/08/2024 22:09

nextdoorconundrum · 15/08/2024 22:07

Not angry in the slightest. Just frustrated by MN posts that start .. I don't drive .. DH/dp does ... and then a massive whine about how tricky it is to move kids and self from a-b..

That is why I made this post about households that have a car but often one partner (most frequently the woman) appears so passive about driving ..

It is not about driving if you live in a well connected city

Or about not being able to afford it because you don't have a car ..

It's about those who live in areas that require a car AND have one in their household BUT only one partner is able to utilise it .

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So? Being anally retentieve about it is not going to change it

NowImNotDoingIt · 15/08/2024 22:09

@nextdoorconundrum considering 29% of women don't have a license, then applying all this

My question was specifically to people who have a car in the household where one partner drives and the other does not ..

If you live in a well connected city ,
Do not own a car in your home .
Have severe medical issues that preclude you from driving..

Then this post is NOT aimed at you.*

How many women does that actually leave? Enough to start a threat about? Enough to have a massive rant over and open the floodgates of pathetic ,lazy, sad and half an adult?

How many women are actually in that particular situation to warrant all this?

BunnyLake · 15/08/2024 22:09

CassandraWebb · 15/08/2024 21:59

I didn't learn until my 30s because I suffered a devastating loss when my first boyfriend died in a car accident. I could barely look at a car for years never mind face learning to drive one.

I defy you to suggest I am weak in any way. I went through far more than any young adult should ever have to and still managed a first class degree, success in a sport and to volunteer regularly and have a career.

And I didn't tell very many people why. So yes I am sure some of them thought I was weak or pathetic. That's on them

According to the smug on here you’re not a proper adult. Never mind that I brought up two law abiding, well rounded children to adulthood alone, cared full time for my dementia mother until she died, own my house with no mortgage, have friends of many years standing, travelled around the world, survived cancer, I too am not a proper adult. 🤷‍♀️

TransformerZ · 15/08/2024 22:09

Calliopespa · 15/08/2024 22:00

This thread has to be outing some of the most outrageous attitudes I’ve seen.

Why “ even” immigrants? Why are immigrants such a low bar? They might have been naturally fantastic drivers.

The logic …
I’m wondering which GCSEs you sat

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I didn't say even!

My point is if my immigrant grandma could learn to drive in the 70's with her broken English with all the adversity she faced as a brown woman, broken English, accent then I don't sympathise with the likes of my neighbour who can't drive and the woman I knew at school who didn't have those adverse conditions.

ElvesAreReal · 15/08/2024 22:09

nextdoorconundrum · 15/08/2024 22:00

Then you are not the person I am asking questions of !!

What is wrong with people's reading comprehension ?

My question was specifically to people who have a car in the household where one partner drives and the other does not ..

If you live in a well connected city ,
Do not own a car in your home .
Have severe medical issues that preclude you from driving..

Then this post is NOT aimed at you.

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Unfortunately the post comes across as ableist, which I think is what some of us are so frustrated by.

"Severe medical issues" - who is judging the issues for severity?

Are people assuming everyone with disabilities would be able to have adaptations made to their car too?

ManchesterLu · 15/08/2024 22:09

If people don't want to learn to drive, it's their choice. However I'll be damned if I'm then going out of my way and using my petrol to take them to work/hobby groups. Some people are so entitled it's unreal.

I occasionally pick a lady up for a hobby group who doesn't drive (someone else usually picks them up, I do when they're away as it impacts the group if people are missing) and I asked out of curiosity why she doesn't drive. She said she's never needed to. No, because there are absolute mugs willing to be her sodding taxi drivers!!!!