FFS why don't you drive ??

[nextdoorconundrum]

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

This hit a nerve.

I have a driving license but since having a nervous breakdown three years ago, resulting in an adhd diagnosis, followed by a minor accident, I lost all confidence in myself.

I feel like utter crap when I see friends doing the school run and driving their kids to the beach in summer… I get so so angry with myself for not just getting over it and getting back behind the wheel. Baffles DH too.

I can’t afford food and sanitary products.
So sorry OP that I can’t afford to learn to drive, take a test, buy a car and pay insurance.

The ironic thing is, the richer a person gets the less likely they are to drive and will have a chauffeur doing all the work. They become too ‘busy and important’ to drive themselves.

Why do you care? Does it affect you in any way?

If any of these suburban women who don’t drive ask you to ferry them about after they are widowed you can always refuse…

I don't like racists, no.
This is just another thing to add to her uselessness.

Every person I've personally met that can't drive has been severely lacking in other areas of life.

If my immigrant grandma could learn to drive and all her immigrant friends then no excuse unless medical.

I know a woman who can't drive and didn't pass her GCSE's - how is that possible? - you sit in silence in class, no matter how boring it is, you've got nothing else to focus on, how can you not pass your GCSE's in an environment that isn't disruptive?!

We both gave up driving years ago. It’s part environmental, part we just didn’t enjoy it

Because I simply do not want to. I have always lived near good public transport (though not a big city). I do not request transport from neighbours, though my DH does drive us as required. Why on earth are you so angry about it?

Well that’s her story.

If you can count and see, then you can understand traffic light instructions. They work from top to bottom and are designed to be clear/safe for the colour blind. You sound deliberately, willfully determined to evade any effort to be a competent adult.

I never really cracked driving. I passed my test and wasn’t awful but it just didn’t click. Many years later I found out I’m autistic - sorry op but we’re all affected by it in different ways so one person’s experience has no bearing on another. My oh on the other hand was born to drive - family of professional drivers. But there’s stuff he’s not great at that I do for him, just assumed that was normal in a couple.
Anyway we shouldn’t be presenting driving as sustainable because it’s not. Sooner or later we’re going to have to address the poor state of public transport because the planet can’t take billions of individual cars.

@TransformerZ you don't come across any better than your neighbour.

You made me smile 😊 I always said if I won the lottery I would employ a driver. I hate driving. I’ve had my car 15 years and it’s done almost 19,000 miles on the clock

OP is referring to a 'passenger princess' that's what the young ones call them anyway.
They have the physical, mental and financial abilities to learn and drive themselves. They choose not to, simply because their partner (usually male) already does. Meaning when needing to get anywhere when partner not available, there's a lot of complaining, money pulled out for a taxi or asking a friend to take them followed by complaints about the lack of a lift or the availability of public transport.

I know this because there's a few in my family. Sitting at home with no milk or bread because God forbid they walk 20 minutes to a shop when hubby can take them after work.
I find it annoying.
Which is why I've started learning in my mid 30s. I couldn't afford to before now. My ex doesn't drive and I never rely on anyone for a lift.

Having said that, I also know a lot of people that don't drive for a variety of reasons. I don't read a thread on here where the OP will say they don't drive and DH does and assume they are anything like my DM. I think a lot of the time there are genuine reasons, as shown by a lot of replies on here.

Driving lessons are NOT cheap. Not everyone can afford.

I think (unless you can't drive for medial reasons or so poor your cant afford a car) its just laziness and learned helplessness. I know someone who never got her license because "her legs shook so much" - her husband and family have to drive her everywhere now, she is 50 but has to ask for lifts like a child.

I hated learning to drive, was really stressed and struggled to learn, and only passed my test on the 4th time after taking betablockers )) however, after the initial nerves I was a confident driver and commuted for many years, and travelled for work around the country. But I never particularly liked driving, and was happy to mostly give it up once I moved to London. The reason I persevered? I wanted freedom and independence, as well as better work prospects.

I don't drive because I don't want to - and it has NOTHING to do with you!! For what it's worth, off the top of my head I can think of at least three men who don't drive, and I'm sure there are more. I also live in a small rural town, with no public transport in the town. I don't have a car as I live alone, but if I lived with a man I still wouldn't be driving.

How exactly does someone not driving affect you? I'm sure plenty of people can do things you can't. I have far more admiration for pleasant non-drivers than for judgemental idiots like yourself.

I completely understand that it is not a financial priority if you have excellent public transport BUT if you don't AND one of you already drives .. then why is this not a priority ?

Oh, this bit might help explain it for you.

A double lesson costs about £120.. the learner insurance aprox £40 per month tops on your family car . Plus theory test

And on top of that £650 a month + test fee, the licence cost. And test fee. And car rental for test.

And you'd need a spouse willing to allow you to drive his car. And if he did, for it not to be 7 minutes of being yelled at to GO and much stamping of the invisible brake and sucking through teeth before you pulled over, got out, handed him his keys and walked to the bus stop.

You might not know anyone in NZ who can't drive but I can assure you they exist.

I am racking my brain and I can’t think of any eligible adult I know that doesn’t drive apart from my friend’s 19 year old son who has failed his test 3x and is having more lessons.

We used to have a neighbour and an aged aunt who didn’t drive but they are both dead now. They came from an age where it was not as unusual to not learn to drive.

Our children, like every one of their peers, was given lessons as a 17th birthday gift, and had passed before they were 18. Some kids might not want to/be able to, but they must be the exception.

I do regard it as a life skill and it gets harder the older you are. I remember my brother in law did not learn until he was 30 and it was much harder for him without the confidence of youth.

I didn't learn until my 30s because I suffered a devastating loss when my first boyfriend died in a car accident. I could barely look at a car for years never mind face learning to drive one.

I defy you to suggest I am weak in any way. I went through far more than any young adult should ever have to and still managed a first class degree, success in a sport and to volunteer regularly and have a career.

And I didn't tell very many people why. So yes I am sure some of them thought I was weak or pathetic. That's on them

Happened to me twice! And driving instructors are in on it. I’ve had two try to pass on to me the contact details of their mate who is “selling” tests for £200.

This thread has to be outing some of the most outrageous attitudes I’ve seen.

Why “ even” immigrants? Why are immigrants such a low bar? They might have been naturally fantastic drivers.

The logic …
I’m wondering which GCSEs you sat

How are people so passive in their own life

This is what irritates me and I didn’t realise it until this thread.

It’s people who are passive and have no desire to be in control of some aspects of their life.
I can’t fathom why anyone would want to be like that.

It’s like when men ‘don’t know how to use a washing machine’.
Why don’t you.
Why have you never thought about learning for yourself.
I can almost guarantee that there has been a washing machine in every home you’ve lived in but you’ve chosen to not learn how to use it and instead rely on someone else doing it for you.

I cannot understand that mind set.

I am more than happy for someone else to drive, cook, clean etc for me but as a competent adult, I need to learn those things for myself.

Who cares?

Its not affecting you so why so angry about it?

Then you are not the person I am asking questions of !!

What is wrong with people's reading comprehension ?

My question was specifically to people who have a car in the household where one partner drives and the other does not ..

If you live in a well connected city ,
Do not own a car in your home .
Have severe medical issues that preclude you from driving..

Then this post is NOT aimed at you.