FFS why don't you drive ??

[nextdoorconundrum]

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

I’m sure you know there are as many reasons as non drivers. I don’t drive now due to brain tumours, brain surgery, stroke and seizures. I had to surrender my licence, I’ll never get it back.

I just looked it up online and it doesn’t say that anywhere in the gov.uk info. Is it possible driving instructors have done an awesome job at marketing themselves and people think they’re compulsory?! 🤣

Me and my husband were learning at the same time. My husband passed his test first time, I took 3 and narrowly failed them all.

The cost of then buying snd running a car meant I stopped learning as we now had a household car and we go to many places together, apart from work as I get the train. I plan to pick up learning again at some point, but for now I’m “weedy”. Happy?

In some ways, I agree OP. But, even worse, are the people who learn to drive, then they restrict themselves into only driving locally etc and become avoidant of motorways and unfamiliar journeys. If they have a genuine reason and fear of getting lost etc, I do truly empathetise and understand; I've been there.

I was told I wasn't a natural driver by my driving instructor. I took my test 5 times before passing, and I still get lost even after driving for 20 plus years. And I truly can't park that well and don't have the best spatial awareness, so kind of restrict myself to medium sized SUVs like the Mini Countryman that I drive... but I think I was forced into being a better, more confident driver by an ex-boss, who made me drive to Wales from Bucks for a business trip 🤣😱😖😂

I know some people struggle for all sorts of reasons with confidence driving etc, but when people who can drive like my aunt then decide not to drive any long distances, and put all the driving (unfairly) on their DH... I do think they are making a bit of a rod for their backs.

Each to their own though.

What other fears do you not understand?

I have been in a few accidents but nothing too dramatic, that's not the issue. The issue is I'm terrified of hurting or killing someone. Even without driving I still have nightmares about not being able to break/crashing while I'm at the wheel. Which could very well be a reality since I have no hand eye coordination , I'm anxious AND I can't drive straight (because my straight is slightly to the left).

I couldn't afford lessons until I was 26, my ex's parents paid for his lessons so he could pass at 18.
Get over it, there are plenty of reasons people don't drive, it isn't just women who don't drive.

OP is concerned by the existence of households in which one adult drives, whilst the other doesn't, but without a good reason.

Where is OP's evidence that, in more than half these households, the non-driving adult is female?

How does OP know that these households don't all have a good reason that she doesn't know about?

This research proposal needs much more work.

I can’t for the life of me work out why this bothers you/has any impact on your life at all??

Get a grip! Or a hobby…..

Do you not have a hobby OP??

Learning now and I’m 29 as this is the first time in my life I can afford it. Parents were skint and told me straight up when I wanted to learn at 17 they didn’t have a penny spare for me to have driving lessons, a car or insurance. Anyone not in a position to gain that initial privilege from their parents is already at a disadvantage.

When I pass in the next couple of months I’m looking at just shy of £2k insurance on a basic car. My lessons are £40 an hour. Average pass is about 40 hours so £1600 or more if it takes you longer to grasp it. The test cost £65. I may have to take more than one before passing. Then of course there are the ongoing costs that come with a car, petrol, road tax, MOT’s, repairs etc… With all that considered and the current state of the economy do you really need an explanation for why there is so many non drivers?

Before I met DH, my three previous boyfriends couldn't drive (including one who lived with me and would have had access to my car).

I have 8 cousins, 3 male and 5 female. None of the male cousins can drive, but four of the female cousins can. All of them are over the age of 40 so they've had plenty of time to learn, it's not 17 year olds.

Maybe you're seeing something because you're looking for it?

Yeah but fair play to you for giving it a go, instead of saying ooo i cant drive because of anxiety. ……🤜🏼🤛🏼

Ah splendid, something else to be judged over.
I wasn’t that motivated at 17 and my parents weren’t going to buy cars for 3 of us. It was never a priority for me living as an adult in places where cycling and then public transport worked well. I prefer public transport where possible for environmental reasons. I could do with a driving license now, and am working on it, but I’m nervous and it’s a bit of a project. I need to find a new driving instructor because I don’t want to be stuck in a car again with the one I tried. It’s just not anyone’s business outside my family’s, unless I’m constantly asking for lifts, which I am not.

I've had lessons, loved it, but it causes me too much physical pain to continue with it.

Not everyone is "disabled enough" to get PIP or motability, or access to adjustments. Some of us just have to accept that driving isn't an option for us.

I also find this weird, I am from a country where public transport isn’t as good and literally everyone figures it out. I don’t know anyone who didn’t get a license by 18 latest. It just seems kind of pathetic if I’m honest, when people say they aren’t confident or oooooo isn’t the motorway scary.

Lots of things are scary until you learn. Put your big girl pants on.

What really gets my goat is people who move somewhere RURAL and then whinge they can’t go anywhere or something goes wrong and they’re so stuck. What on earth did you think would happen?!

No I agree with you .. I don't actually know anyone in real life who has a car in their household but one adult doesn't drive.. because it's so peculiar.. only on MN where posts start .. ' DP drives but I don't ' .. 'and I have issues with getting kids to school/friends play dates / shopping etc .. '

You seem to all be missing the main point ..

My question was SPECIFICALLY to people who have a car in the household but the woman doesn't drive . ONLY the man !

Of course I understand the cost . I am a single parent who has taught 5 kids to drive because it's an essential life skill where we live . But a hell of a lot cheaper when there is already a car in the household .

A double lesson costs about £120.. the learner insurance aprox £40 per month tops on your family car . Plus theory test GPs gave the money and kids had part time jobs to afford this..

I completely understand that it is not a financial priority if you have excellent public transport BUT if you don't AND one of you already drives .. then why is this not a priority ?

Yeah I have to admit, as I said, I don't know any MEN who can't drive except for just 3 who have health issues. When I say men, I'd say over 23/24. Many young people (male and female) don't learn until after they have left uni IME. Both my DC learned after uni. One passed at 22 and one at 23. They really had no need to drive til then. But there's no way they weren't going to learn to drive, as soon as they left uni.

Same with me. 61 y.o. (Born 1963,) and many of the women I knew growing up, and at work, (born in the 1960s like me, or earlier) didn't drive. Worked in a place in the early 1980s, (aged 16-19) with 50 women, and only around 7 could drive. My mother and aunts and grandmothers, and most of their friends, never drove either. It was very rare. The men did. 9 out of 10 anyway. Right now, almost every man I know can drive.

Yes, I've noticed a lot of people say they "don't" drive rather than can't.

OP I agree with a lot of what you say. It's a life skill and unless there's a reason I think it's a bit pathetic that people can't drive.

I know a few. One of them, very privileged guy in his mid 40s. Parents offered to pay for lessons when he turned 17 but he couldn't be bothered. I see him occasionally being ferried about by his wife.

Woman I used to work with. Again, very privileged upbringing, just couldn't be bothered doing lessons. Early 40s and she ties herself in knots trying not to admit to people that she can't drive.

Why are you so obnoxious about this? It’s plain weird that you’re attacking non drivers and enjoying it.

DH didn't drive when we met in our thirties, I did. He felt he had never needed to because he lived in a city. Sadly for him he realised he would need to when he moved in with me as public transport where I am is not the best. Anyway I don't think it's just women. One of my children's girlfriend drives while my child doesn't, because they failed a test and then couldn't be arsed apparently.

Yep this. ^

I drive very well, but driving for too long makes me aggy as hell, so I'm happy to relinquish this particular activity to just about anyone else 🤷🏾‍♀️.

@LondonFox I don't get it. Uber is not new

Mumsnet is notorious for its users being extremely high earners, earning whopping salaries of £50,000, or even £100,000 and more. It was a joke about your "I can pay people to drive for me" comment not appearing out of place on this site.

Because I much prefer to chill out in the passenger seat. You should try it sometime 😂

I drive. My partner drives. But if we go together he drives. I don't enjoy driving, it gives me anxiety. My mum passed in a car accident when I was 6. I was late to learning. I was also in an accident where I was stationary, this made my anxiety worse. But thank you for calling me weedy

Why does it bother you so much if complete strangers don’t or can’t drive. That’s such a strange thing to get het up about.