FFS why don't you drive ??

[nextdoorconundrum]

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

A woman I worked with didn’t drive to work, her husband collected her and dropped her off.

Knew another woman who didn’t drive at night. Each to their own.

I tried. I sucked. I decided I'd prefer not to kill people. You can thank me later.

So JK Rowling and Barbara Walters failed at adulting?

What’s up with the cost barrier answers? Are only professional driving instructors allowed to teach people to drive in the UK? Genuine question. Where I’m from you might have one or two lessons from a pro but it’s mostly your parent/family member or friend who teaches you.

I'm looking forward to ds learning to drive so I don't have to

Who says it's a rite of passage?

Who says it's the adult thing?

The "adult" thing is deciding for yourself what works for you.

Your son sounds like a wimp

You have to have a certain number of hours of proper teaching to do your test.

You sound like a knob.

I agree OP

I suspect there are 11 pages of people saying they have anxiety, physical issues, financial limitations etc that have prevented them from learning. Or there may be those that have tried numerous times without success.
I don’t think OP meant any of those. It’s more those that could but chose not to. Fine, their choice but why would you not want to maximise your independence?

I have friends whose DH have to do all the nursery/school runs, birthday party runs, extracurricular drop offs, holiday driving etc, because she chose not to learn to drive. It’s very stressful for him as there is no slack.

I can't afford it - I have other things to pay for, like school fees, etc. And before I was never able to afford it, insurance, the car itself, parking fees, etc. Is it a good enough answer?

Yeah but i can drive myself around 😊

I agree. They along with other rather nasty, judgemental posters would be no friend of mine.

I think it's weird that's your view. And for what it's worth my partner can't drive but I can. If we both want to have a drink somewhere we get a bus or taxi.

You said able to drive, not has a driving licence. The two are not the same. Around 25% of those who have a licence are not able to drive to an adequate standard, or are in vehicles which they cannot drive to an adequate standard.

Some because of medical reasons such as poor eyesight, who have been allowed to self-assess their fitness to drive. Some should not have a licence because of their conduct behind the wheel, such as anyone who ever had a drink driving conviction and all middle lane hoggers.

I am sure the majority of those unfit by conduct are men.

Ok so I guess I’m weedy 👌 I have crushing anxiety and a lack of spatial awareness. I strongly suspect ADHD and honestly don’t think I could trust myself behind the wheel of a car not to cause a crash. I wouldn’t know when to pull out of a junction or if it was safe to overtake.

So many people say to me you will learn, but honestly I am in my 40s and when someone is walking towards me I do that thing of moving one way then the other, then back again (and again). I then freeze and just let the other person move around me - I really wouldn’t be safe behind the wheel. Sometimes it takes me a long time to learn things that seem really obvious to others. It’s mostly practical things and as a passenger when I see some complicated junctions I just don’t understand how they work, which lanes go where, who has the right of way, whether you can cross against traffic. I know I would panic and freeze. Not everyone is safe to drive, it’s good that some of us realise that.

Really pointless, stupid and angry post.There are a fair number of couples where the woman drives and the man doesn't. There are also plenty of people who are too distracted to drive safely an are fortunately able to self appraise.

I see driving as a life skill, TBH. To take part in many aspects of socialising or travelling, or just life, being able to drive is essential. So many kids parties when my two were little were at play centres not on a bus route. When I was on mat leave/ SAHM period for 3 years I would have gone stir crazy just staying in my own locality, not being able to go and see my mum in the next town as it takes 2 hours to go 14 miles on public transport. We've been to many really lovely and interesting very rural self-catering holiday places in the UK where a car was essential. Done 2 road trips in the US with our teens. Been to many hospital appointments for myself or immediate and extended family at all hours of the day and night in my car. Driven to people's funerals which wouldn't have been accessible on public transport. Had a wider choice of jobs to apply for. Ferried my kids here and there to afterschool sports clubs/swimming lessons etc. Done dashes to pick up prescriptions at a non-local pharmacy because what I needed wasnt' available locally, or for last minute birthday cake when the one I baked for DS's party didn't work because the oven was playing up. Now they're young adults it's backwards and forwards to uni open days, and now to their actual uni, with all their stuff. It just goes on.

I work full time, I just haven't got time in my life to be sitting on public transport every time I needed to go anywhere.

If you can afford to learn to drive, yet choose not to, but insist on relying on other people for lifts everywhere all your life rather tha paying out for taxis, then yes, I consider that "weedy". Just be responsible for getting yourself around.

My dh drives, I don't. What's it to you?

I no longer drive because, even though I passed my test easily, I’m a terrible driver and had several crashes. My spacial awareness is very poor due to dyspraxia. I was injured in my last accident and wrote off two cars. I also received a caution from the police. Do you honestly think I should start driving again?

I didn't have the money (or anybody I knew able to countersign as they had to have known you for two years and employers would lay you off at the 11 months and 4 weeks point to avoid you gaining employment rights - when it was a year, not two) for a passport, either. Got my first one aged 38.

I don't think Primark Atmosphere and stuff from the charity shop counts as designer, either.

How rude. You may not like non-drivers but it’s better than being an obnoxious t* who can drive.

And who "persuades" women that driving isn't important, people do have minds of their own!

You're talking about me. DP drives, I don't, I pay for half of our car.

I lived in a city for all of my 20s, thinking I'd learn when I needed to. Fast forward to now. I've moved somewhere where driving would be life transforming. But it turns out I've left it late and I'm very very bad at it. I spent thousands on lessons and never even got close to passing. Now I can't afford to sink anymore of my family's money into it. I secretly fear my friends and acquaintances all think I'm a loser, now at least I can also add fear that I'm "weedy" to my repertoire of fears.

OP I can drive (didn't learn until I was 40 as wasn't bothered) but choose not to unless absolutely necessary, mainly for fitness or environmental reasons. I walk, bus, bike or get the train. I think it's equally as 'weedy' (whatever that means) when I see school parents driving to a school drop off that's a 10 minute walk and then driving back home again.

Or driving to the shops for a load of bread when it's walkable in 10 mins.

No, driving is not a rite of passage - we should all be trying not to drive at every opportunity. Don't be smug about it - people are thankfully choosing other ways to travel.