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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to exclude my friend from a holiday because she's got a boy?

574 replies

brownmouse · 16/04/2008 12:37

regular here blah blah (we need an acronym for this )

I have a small group of 4 friends, we all have 1 child of the same age (5)

One of us has a boy

I am arranging a summer break for us all but the three of us with girls really don't want the other person coming along. The girls play nicely together while we sit around talking. The boy is loud and whacks the girls and is constantly full of energy, and is constantly knocking into us, interupting our conversation.

We'd like a summer BREAK where we sit around while the girls play. If we invite the mum-of-boy it won't be a break, it will be noisy and stressful.

Should we arrange it and exclude her, or just invite her and accept that it will just be a child-focussed holiday?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 17/04/2008 21:02

Stands up and applauds, MP.

Bravo! Bravo!

Thankyouandgoodnight · 17/04/2008 21:02

Oh and for what it's worth - I have a few friends that I love to death but wouldn't actually want to go on holiday with for whatever reason.

Scotia · 17/04/2008 21:25

I don't think the op should invite the friend and her ds to come along with them if they can't abide the little boy.

I do believe it's a bit unkind though for three out of a group of four friends to plan a holiday like this and deliberately exclude one member of that group.

It's not something I would be able to do - I'd spend the whole time feeling guilty - but if it wouldn't bother you or the rest of the group, I'd say just go for it.

Novicecamper · 18/04/2008 08:19

For me the issue is that it's a group of friends and just one is being excluded.

If she's the only one being left out of a group holiday, then I'm sorry, but that's nasty on the part of all the other 'friends'.

AbbeyA · 18/04/2008 12:53

That is why I think that OP shouldn't go on holiday with any of them.

DrNortherner · 21/04/2008 20:41

Coming a bit late to this, but as the mum of a boy who could be described as 'high energy' partic when he was 4/5 I would be devastated if my friends did not invite me because of him.

If you tell her this is the reason be prepared for losing her friendship.

Due to his 'high energy' my ds had a terrible first year at school, he even walloped friends dd's and pulled hair on ocassions and my best friend (mum to a dd incidentally) kept me sane throughout by listening, talking and reminding me how lovley my ds actually was when everyone around me was acting like he was some demon child. She is a mumsnetter too - si thanks Yorkshirepudding!

Without her I would have crumbled, so it addens me to think that you are not ofering the same support to your friend.

Oh, and I hope you have triplet boys next - then you'll eat your words.

mum2sons · 21/04/2008 20:47

YABU, the mum with the boy sounds as though she needs more of a break than all of you.

As a mum of a v boistrous boy, I would be very hurt to be excluded by my friends.

Ricebubbles · 21/04/2008 22:33

Maybe all you mothers of "energetic" kids need to learn how to make them behave and then you wouldn't have to worry about being exluded.

hatrick · 21/04/2008 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mum2sons · 21/04/2008 22:38

Maybe we could start a creche? Anyone who could make my DS2 "behave" would be most welcome to try!

edam · 21/04/2008 22:46

Sounds like a bunch of mothers of PFB girls who really don't get boys, tbh. Pretty mean way to behave. Boys tend to be noisier and more active than girls (although there are plenty of noisy, active girls and quieter, calmer boys).

The mothers are behaving like spiteful children themselves - hardly in a position to cast judgement on the little boy for being a normal 5yo.

If one of you perfect mothers ever has another, male child, you'll look back at this and wonder how you could ever have been so stupid, mark my words.

IHaveChangedMyNameForThisPost · 21/04/2008 22:56

DS and I don't want to go on holiday with you anyway.

oops · 21/04/2008 23:12

Message withdrawn

FAQ · 21/04/2008 23:16

oh gawd I hope you're not going to California (Great Yarmouth) in August for your holiday - you'll have a nasty shock if you do,

ShelleyLou and I are taking our DS's on holiday for a week. a 3 bedroom caravan with my DS's aged, 7 (nearly 8), 4 1/2 and 15 months, and her DS who will be 21 months....

Scramble · 21/04/2008 23:23

I have to say I wouldn't fancy paying money to go on a holiday I knew wouldn't enjoy.

Sorry but I can see it from the other side too, as a single mum now if I had freinds with kids of similar ages that got on it would be great to all go on holiday, but I would worry about having along a child that has clearly not got on with them before would spoil it and make it very stressful.

The deciding factor for me would be if you are going to share accomodation then I would say no way, it will be stressful enough spending a week with children that do all get on as you will still have to work hard to get on yourselves. But if it was seperate accomodation then you can at least have time to yourself and have a bit of space.

BTW I am not a mother of a PFB girl I had a bot first and then a girl but expect decent behaviour from them both .

Greyriverside · 21/04/2008 23:27

Is this still going on?

No one is blaming the boy for being energetic, but if you want a quiet time you don't spend it with someone who is energetic.

If that's hard to understand try thinking of music. If you fancy some gentle music to drift off to sleep to. Do you:

A) Play gentle music
or
B) Play really loud rock music

If you answered (A) does that necessarily mean that you hate rock music and should the person who wrote the loud rock music be offended anyway?

Did anyone answer (B)?

PinkTulips · 21/04/2008 23:32

i did

uberalice · 21/04/2008 23:47

I don't think you should avoid inviting the mother along, as it would be quite hurtful. But I do see your point and I think YANBU. It's just a tricky situation to manage.

dingdong05 · 21/04/2008 23:49

I agree with yorkshirepud.
Smug with a funny idea of what a friend is.

S1ur · 21/04/2008 23:53

Good grief who resurrected this thread? Come on own up who has been raising the dead?

DirtySexyMummy · 21/04/2008 23:56

I answered B

S1ur · 21/04/2008 23:56

Ah DrNortherner. Now really, tsk, some threads should remain deceased. This was an ex-thread.

But it seems that there has been a revelation so you can be forgiven. There's a new idea now. "Why don't you get them to behave". of course doh! why oh why didn't you think of that eh?

Greyriverside · 22/04/2008 00:02

PinkTulips & DirtySexyMummy

Edinegg · 22/04/2010 19:49

I have just come back from a joint holiday with another family of all girls + dd and ds. I am now wondering if you are the mother I was away with.... Snowleopard talks a lot of sense. Boys are wired differently, which does not mean they are naughty or badly behaved - just different (thankfully)

maduggar · 22/04/2010 19:51

doubt it ... this thread is 2 years old