to exclude my friend from a holiday because she's got a boy?

[brownmouse]

regular here blah blah (we need an acronym for this )

I have a small group of 4 friends, we all have 1 child of the same age (5)

One of us has a boy

I am arranging a summer break for us all but the three of us with girls really don't want the other person coming along. The girls play nicely together while we sit around talking. The boy is loud and whacks the girls and is constantly full of energy, and is constantly knocking into us, interupting our conversation.

We'd like a summer BREAK where we sit around while the girls play. If we invite the mum-of-boy it won't be a break, it will be noisy and stressful.

Should we arrange it and exclude her, or just invite her and accept that it will just be a child-focussed holiday?

I agree with Greyriver, it worries me that you all feel like this

Yes I went on LOTS of holidays with various friends pre-kids but none of them since - because they all don't have kids. And personally when I didn't have kids I would have rather chewed off my arm than gone on hols with someone else's children.

That's life, things change, and dynamics change, and people's attendance DOES change the dynamic of things. I really understand that. I don't take it personally. If they all arranged to go away together I would maybe be miffed for 10 minutes but then forget about it. It isn't a huge deal for me.

But I can see you all think I am a freak in that respect, so that's the end of it. Fair enough. I wanted a broad perspective.

Cod - dullards, maybe! But at least we can spend an afernoon drinking coffee and talking without interuption.

Are you planning anymore children? you could have a boy next-time.

we all have other children

To be honest, I hope she does read this thread then gets herself some new friends. I
don't know about the 3 of you, but she deserves better.

In all honesty, I don't see what I've said on this thread that is so awful. We were all reminiscing about holidays past, and this was suggested. I've not criticised my friend at all.

You criticise someones child, you criticise them.

'I'm wondering about the general assumption that this friend is going to go to pieces and be forever damaged by not being invited along. Is this how all adults are now? like sulky children throwing tantrums because they didn't get what they wanted? That worries me more than this thread.'

No shit! I wondered the same thing. It's a holiday. A small break for a few days, don't you have the rest of your life to throw your teddies out the pram?

You gotta wonder how some peoples' kids are behaved around others if they get so het up over admitting some kids act horrible around other people, in other peoples' homes.

It's not on, and I wouldn't want to hang around people who let their kids run riot in my home. Because I wouldn't treat them teh same way and use the excuse that because we're friends they have to put up with shite behaviour whilst hosting me in their home.

nonsense!

No wonder you are all so full of RAGE if you think you are constantly being judged by what your children are like!

I'm a person in my own right, thanks.

Anyway, I'm not particularly criticising this child, and I do not particularly dislike him, truth be told, he's fine, I just don't enjoy being with him, and he makes social events stressful. So what, in the long run? I'm not going to ask him on a date. But it doesn't really mix with a holiday situation.

(x-posted, that was to notabanana)

I guessed that.

I'm not full of rage either. I just think you are mean.

Have you considered that your friend may need help?
not all parents are lucky enough to have well behaved children.
My two and a half year old, God bless her, is a lovely little girl, but shes a blimming live wire with no off switch.
She is dicplined when she is naughty, but most of the time she isn't being naughty, she's just loud and busy.
FWIW I would be disgusted if a "friend" of mine was saying they didn't want to go on holiday with me because of my daughter. I doubt we'd be friends much longer than that tbh.
I haven't got time to waste on people who think my child makes social situations stressful.

If people aren't used to difficult behaviours they tend to find it hard to deal with.

We only really visit the home of one (very special- she has earned her place in heaven) nearby friend who doesn't have a disabled child with ds1 because others can't cope with him. True, we don't bother to see the people who can't cope, but that probably saves hassle all round. I can think of 2 friends who live too far away to visit who could cope.

Otherwise we stick with friends who can cope. It makes it easier all round.

Sounds all very high school to me.

Girls getting together, excluding other people because perhaps they're not quite the same as your special little group.

Really really mean. I wouldn't consider you a friend if you excluded me. You're also training your DDs to be cows too. Well done.

I would be incredibly hurt if I was the friend. I have a 6 year old boy and if he was considered too much hassle-just because he is an active and lively typical boy I would find continuing a friendship with you difficult.

As with all my friends with little girls-they all changed their tolerance levels when they had a boy!

I have been a mum of two boys,when my friends have had girls.Yes, the girls all played lovely with dolls, puzels e.c.t. My boys charged around and were just boys with lots of energy. My freinds always included me. I had no idea people could feel like this. My friends love me. They were always kinds- My boys didn't trash their house or anything.

I also have some friends that have challenging children.I still include them because I love my friends dearly.

Is it really just because you don't want to be with this little boy?

OK thanks I will add "mean" "disgusting" "a cow" and "complete bitch" to my list of reasons why I am such a shit person and friend

thanks

"It's not on, and I wouldn't want to hang around people who let their kids run riot in my home. Because I wouldn't treat them teh same way and use the excuse that because we're friends they have to put up with shite behaviour whilst hosting me in their home."
Me neither but nor would I continue to see them together under the guise of "friendship".

brownmouse I can totally see where you are coming from and am quite at some of the nastiness directed towards you from people who do not know you, or your friend, or the child! But I suppose posting on here, thats what you can get sometimes...

Anyhoo, I have a nephew who is a nightmare, and the thought of holidaying with him makes my teeth hurt. And I've got boys so its not about that. Its about parents being able to control their children , and facing the consequences if they can't.

PMSL (bitterly) at you finding someone else's "boisterous" child "extremely trying"! My God how little you know.. and how little you realise how good you have it...

as for destruction of your property, was the mother there?
I have NO problem telling off somebodies child if they are in my house/care
I have put friends chldren on the naughty step before
In the same way that if somebody is watching my dd, I expect them to tell her off for naughty behavior. eg the cm will tell dd off, then dd has to tell me what she has done wrong when I pick her up

The nastiness from some of the posters on this thread is amazing .

Brownmouse, I do think that you perhaps should have thought more carefully about how you phrased the title and opening post, but my goodness, you don't deserve the vitriol spewing forth onto the screen.

DirtySexyMummy, please re-read the MN policy statement.

In there you will read that personal attacks involving obscenities are unacceptable.

No matter how much you disagree with someone.