What would you do if someone offered to wave a magic wand, and you didn’t have children anymore?

[Geriatricmillenial]

I love my children and they do bring joy, but I get this thought in my head sometimes.

The conditions of the spell would have to be that I had no knowledge of my children whatsoever, I would just go back in time to before they were born and make dramatically different choices.

I get the impression a lot of the other mums I know don’t really feel this way, so is it just me?

If I had no knowledge of my children or what parenting entailed I would have still had children as I was very broody when I had my first.

There has been tough years. My financial situation would likely be very different if I hadn't had children and so would my career etc. However I love having adult children, it has made the tougher times all worth it. I now have people who look out for me as much as I look out for them, I can't imagine what this part of my life would look like without having had children. I'm sure it would be amazing too, but very different.

I wouldn't now, but my youngest is 4 so they're actual people now and there's occasional glimpses of logic and reasonableness and even good behaviour.

A couple of years ago when we were properly in the trenches I definitely had my moments where I wondered if we'd made the right decision. The moments never lasted long but I'd be lying if I said they didn't happen. I didn't find parenting babies and toddlers came naturally to me, and the year they were 3 and 1 I thought they'd been sent to kill me.

Hang on in there OP, there's brighter times ahead.

80k is half the cost of a house where I live, certainly not peanuts! Your privilege is showing. I agree op, it's certainly something I thought of many times as a single parent. My sons an adult now and has kids of his own, I love the bones of them all, but my life would have been very different and I'm not always sure the cost was worth it.

God no.
I look at my life and feel like I’ve fucked up a number of things, but not my kids. I managed to get them right.
thinking about not having them makes me really sad.

£80k invested in your 30s to draw 20-30 years later though...

I wouldn't, but my DS is 16 just left school so I'm past the hardest parts to be honest. I was very young when I had him too so I've still got most of my 30s and 40s to enjoy.

No. I was on the pill, 22 and made a choice to keep my baby and I've never wished him away since choosing to have him.

I might have a holiday in ibiza in my forties though.

Do I sometimes regret having children? Yes.

Do I fantasise that they are gone, now that I have them? No. That’s only a hair’s breathe from wishing them dead.

However draining they are, however many tears of frustration they’ve caused, I couldn’t imagine my life without them. In fact, as one has MH issues and has threatened not being here, the thought devastates me.

If I had my time again I wouldn’t have children, or I’d certainly stop at one. Sometimes I wonder about life with just my eldest as my youngest has significant SEND. And it limits all our lives so much. I’m just not nice enough, I’m too selfish maybe. I don’t like it, I do it, and lots of people comment on my patience and how much i do for dc. But I hate it. I feel claustrophobic and am not living the life I wanted.

As to to fertility issues, my DP doesn’t have children’s and desperately wanted them. He did many round of IVF with his ex. And he knows how I feel and doesn’t feel hurt or offended by it. He admits that he didn’t have any idea how hard it could be.

Nope. She's pretty great and having her helped in many ways, even if the baby/toddler years were brutal.

Absolutely not

I grew up with everyone in my family thinking I was totally irresponsible (and a little bit stupid). I was loved, but not one of them thought I would be a good Mom. There was a lot of piss taking when I announced I was pregnant at 24, and everyone in my family was, by their own admittance, a bit worried.

I knew different. Turned out I absolutely aced it, even as a single mother to two girls, and much better at parenting than my older 'grammar school educated' brothers were. My Mum told me how proud she was of me for the first time ever.

They're 30 and 26 now, and I have loved EVERY MINUTE of it. it's been the absolute making of me. I would DESTROY that magic wand!

Saying that, I totally get why it isn't for everyone, it's the hardest job in the world, and I wouldn't blame anyone for wondering if their life would have been better.

Oh I'd definitely have a do-over without kids.

Similar to the OP in that I stupidly didn't actually think about the realities of children before having them. Narrow vision of the future I suppose. It never occurred to me in my 20s that instead of getting married and starting a family i could learn to scuba dive or go to Antarctica or trek through the Amazon rainforests or whatever.

I do however think I'm a good mum, so there's no need to feel sorry for me or my kids 😑 It's a job I have to do, and I do it to the best of my ability.
But... I also don't think I'm intrinsically built for family life. 😕

I wouldn't even have considered it when my kids were young. For me, that was the easy bit and I was so good at it.
Parenting teenagers with mental health problems and neuro-diversity is so hard. I don't think I'm the best parent for them. I'd use the magic wand to move them to a family who'd be better for them,

Never ever ever. She's the best thing that ever happened to me and I couldn't imagine a life without her.

No, not for a moment, although I feel guilty that the world can be awful and hard.

I hear you OP. My children are the same age and I’ve suffered similarly and often have thoughts about not being a good enough mum. I try to remind myself that the early years are tough and things will get easier as they grow xx

Yep I'll take one too please!!

No. It isn't easy and I feel overwhelmed a lot but they make life worth living. They give me a reason to get up in the morning and make me laugh multiple times a day.

🤣🤣😂

My eldest died and my younger two are hard work (a mixture of their ages and personalities and not having any nearby family support so we never have any downtime), and I find parenting very overwhelming and difficult most of the time but I wouldn't change having them.

I'd obviously change my eldest dying but I'd never erase knowledge of his existence. I just love all three of them so much and as cheesy as it sounds they've made me a better person.

I would go and have more kids as had them because I wanted them (not very good for the environment)

That isn’t what she said 🙄

Me too. she is my joy

There's a lovely Lois McMaster Bujold short story called Barter where an alien turns up at the door in the middle of utter family chaos (3 kids going utterly wild, pancake mix all over the walls and if I remember correctly someone tries to wrap the cat in pizza), and he gives the mother a remote control with a pause button that puts the kids into temporary, harmless stasis. And she makes a cup of tea as blissful peace descends...

So no, OP, I wouldn't take your magic wand because I wouldn't trade the good moments for anything. But there are also days when I'd give a lot for a pause button!