Should a sahm do dh ironing?

[crocly]

I have 2 small children and one due in October and I hate ironing.
I haven't ironed dh shirts in about a year since I told him I was not going to do it.
The ironing pile has grown over the past year and dh is complaining he has no clothes and he keeps asking for them to be ironed and nothings been ironed in a year.
It's all his T-shirts I don't iron my clothes and I don't iron the children's unless it's a particular item that needs it.
I am a sahm at the moment but I really don't like ironing and nor does he am I right to refuse as he wears it, he irons it or is this just part of my role as a sahm?

You know well where she's getting her money from and it's not from him 'paying her'.

Supporting him does not mean that she has to do his ironing. Presumably he gets plenty of other benefits from being in a relationship with her and having her at home. He doesn't need every demand catered to.

Interesting perspectives !

I work FT but if I had the benefit of staying home (to look after children and household) then I would iron 🤷‍♀️ can’t see the issue with it.

I see it as a LUXURY not to have to work for a living. What’s a few shirts to iron ?

Because she's "not working" obviously it will be the SAHM doing the late shift, night shift and early shift as well as the day shift.
He can't miss his sleep because he's got work in the morning.
At least that's what I hear from women I know on mat leave so can only imagine it carries on in SAHM wonderland.
My DH can be a lazy swine but he always took the view that it was better for us both to be tired than one of us (me!) to be exhausted, but I understand he might be regarded as a bit of a hippy who should have just let the full weight of the torture of sleep deprivation crush his wife.
I'm one of those working mums so "but I've got work in the morning" just isn't a thing in this house. We share the load.

Do you have children? Looking after two preschoolers and doing house work is as actually hard work especially if pregnant. It's not like winning the lottery and putting your feet up.

Do you not see looking after two small children and growing a third as work?

Is it a luxury to spend your whole day unpaid running around after small people and having someone demand you do extra household tasks whilst pregnant?

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. He'll do his own if I don't but just the thing he wants to wear next - so if he wanted a weeks worth of work shirts he'd iron one each night for the next day, whereas I'd prefer it if they were all done and out away.

One thing I detest about this website is people's attitude towards stay at home mums;those attitudes are vile and full of negativity and hatred.

Stop with the whole "he works so you can home" and "it's a luxury".

Most of the time the case is that the mums stay home due to the cost of childcare and so that the man can continue his career at the cost of the woman's career,pension,financial independence,leisure time which is usually unequal and their physical and mental health.

Not everyone has family who are able to help and if people waited to be able to afford childcare before having kids then hardly anybody would be having them.

I've never heard any SAHM describing their life as a luxury;it's just often a hard thankless task with no breaks,annual leave or sick days

Becoming a SAHM isn't a contractual agreement to do everything for your partner simply because they leave the house to work.

Fair enough, we clearly look on it very differently. I just don’t think I would have let it get to the stage of being a major problem as it is in danger of becoming or has already become.

Hi op,

I should think it is always like that for tasks that both dislike. For us it is something else lol and we do bicker about it.
just take turn in doing it 🌺

Good luck :)

You can get a steam ironing machine i've got one unused given to me by my ex

Well not if you don’t want to, no

Unfortunately the OP was put in a position where she said she wasn't doing it and he then decided to let it pile up for her to do regardless.

That's his fault and he caused the problem!

Oh yes, of course it was his fault. 🤨

I don’t iron anything anymore, I buy clothes that don’t need it. DH does his own but only bothers if he is going out. He does work from home so doesn’t wear shirts.

That said, I’m not a SAHM and never have been and I do think this falls under the SAHM duties.

You think her saying "this is not a job I'm able to do" and him letting it pile up instead of taking responsibilityfor his own clothes and preferences isn't his fault?

I don't, but we are not fussy about ironing and don't bother with T shirts. My husband sometimes wears a shirt to work and he'll iron it (he's never asked me to do it). I think I would feel different about my role of a SAHM if our children were at school (they are 4 and 2 year olds). At the moment I do most of the laundry and bare minimum cleaning as I prefer to spend as much time doing fun things with the kids. If I'm still a SAHM when they are both at school I imagine I'll put a lot more effort into the housework!

Of course it's his fault. They're his clothes.

I’m all for a proper and fair partnership, and if, as a family, they have agreed her role is a SAHM, that’s their business. It was the “I don’t like ironing” comment that got me, and the apparent lack of any for her husband’s views. That’s not a partnership in my opinion.

Everyone does their own ironing in my house - my daughter has been doing hers since she was around 12/13. I've never ironed my husband's things and he would never expect me to SAHM or not - it's about respect - I'm not his maid.

Exactly! ^

All this 'SAHMs are doing it for the benefit of their husband's career, and they are really working hard and juggling so many plates and it's such a stressful life' claims! As if they don't enjoy being at home and not having to work!

PURRRLEASE! 🙄

They chose this life. And as I said (and will not take it back) they would not switch places with their husband!

.

But what part of SAHMother means "general all round household skivvy"?

It’s a no from me. You sound extremely busy with 2 small children, no doubt you do most of the housework. Grown man can iron his own clothes, yes he works but plenty of us work and still do our own ironing. Your job is demanding and 24/7. As for the comment he works so you have the luxury of staying at home and looking after the kids, for real. No doubt nursery costs would eat up all of your wages anyway. Stand your ground, busy SAHM doesn’t equate to skivvy

Obviously it is.
She said she wasn't doing it. They're his clothes. He then left them there for her to do. Absolutely no way would I let a man decide that I had to iron his clothes for him and then leave them there to pile up for me. No chance.

You can bore off, because you've ignored plenty of women who have stated their own preference to not be a SAHM and instead you've just spouted sexist shit.