Should a sahm do dh ironing?

[crocly]

I have 2 small children and one due in October and I hate ironing.
I haven't ironed dh shirts in about a year since I told him I was not going to do it.
The ironing pile has grown over the past year and dh is complaining he has no clothes and he keeps asking for them to be ironed and nothings been ironed in a year.
It's all his T-shirts I don't iron my clothes and I don't iron the children's unless it's a particular item that needs it.
I am a sahm at the moment but I really don't like ironing and nor does he am I right to refuse as he wears it, he irons it or is this just part of my role as a sahm?

Maybe he can iron his shirts too then 'for his family'.

It's certainly not in his families best interests that he tries to lay down the law and decide that the OP must iron his shirts for him.

Frame it this way: "I have a nanny for my two/three children under the age of 5, would I be unreasonable to get her to do the ironing for my husband as well?"

The answer would be "YABU, she is busy all day, ironing isn't safe with small children around..."

Would you feel the same if op also refused to cook his dinner or do is laundry

It's pathetic isn't it. 'I have low self esteem and have dedicated my life to wiping the backside of a man that does not respect me, why can't other women be good little slaves?' As if that is really a good example to set for their children.

Tshirts, underwear, sports gear etc don't need ironing. So - nope to that.

Smart shirts do, and if you're doing some ironing anyway and he needs them for work tomorrow - well, why not.

But if you're juggling kids and house and pregnancy etc, you're doing your job. He needs a smart shirt for his job? Well, he knows where the iron is.

So the thing I don't get is..

If the DH was single, he would have to cook, clean, do his own washing and ironing as well as work.

That's all perfectly normal for a single working adult.

Why is it impossible for him to do anything for himself if his wife looks after his children?

I suspect the people who think SAHM should be slaves looking after the men are not women or even parents. I hope not anyway.

They're both saying 'don't like it, not doing it'. Therefore if he really wants it done and it really does take just 5 mins a week as some posters have said then he can easily do it on a Sunday evening, ready for the week ahead.

I wonder if that opinion changes with experience. I can't imagine many 'new' mothers wanting to give up 9 hours of bonding time with their children, no matter how much housework might be involved. Would that really change if you had a second, or even tenth? I'm sure men regret missing all the firsts - first smile, word, steps, etc.
Do you think the decision is made for men though? After checking, 75% of men earn more than their wives in the UK (many reasons, more ambition, different fields, women choosing higher-paid men...), so it makes 'sense' that the higher paid one goes out to work.

Surely it’s all the man’s fault?

Should anyone iron anything is the question you should be asking imo.

I own a very old iron and the last time it was used was to wunderweb curtains.

And if the op was single she would have to work full time their both lucky this isn't the case so they can share the responsibilities which is him earning money and her looking after the family

I havent ironed anything for at least 20 odd years!My DD aged 2 then pulled the iron down on her just missed her head! Burning hot .Explain to hubby his shirts need him to iron them(Clue 2024 not 1944!)

Always is on mumsnet

I don't think 75% of men earn more than their wives if there are no children though unless they are also older.

It's so undervalued. If he had to get a nanny or full-time nursery, cleaner, gardener etc, it would cost him much more. Women's work is simultaneously valued ("you must do his ironing" implying ironing is important and can't be neglected) and undervalued ("you're doing nothing whilst he's working hard all day"). At least pick which one it is!

I'd add in the risk of not working to why being a SAHM isn't easy, you are in a vulnerable position if it goes wrong. And some of these comments make it sound like a glided cage.

I'm not a SAHM, my DW and I both work full time ( same sex couple), however when I was on maternity leave I did all the ironing and most of the house work etc because I was at home. Now I'm back at work we split the domestic/house work equally. But yes, our ironing always gets done by one of us. So my vote is that if you're staying at home, you should do most of the domestic duties. When/if you get back to work, they should be split.

Looking after the family doesn't mean doing every single domestic task

"I am a sahm at the moment but I really don't like ironing and nor does he am I right to refuse as he wears it, he irons it or is this just part of my role as a sahm?"

You and your husband have two small children and another due in October. You stay at home to raise the children, this is your main contribution. He works outside the home to provide the household income, that is his main contribution. Domestic chores - a.k.a. 'housework' are a shared responsibility. So no, ironing is no more "just part of my role as a sahm?" than it is 'just part of his role as a WOHD'. It is shared.

By being at home, you have the opportunity to attend to domestic chores when your time is not taken up with childcare. When he comes home from work, both of you have the opportunity to attend to domestic chores equally.

I'm spelling this all out because too many people fall into the wife-does-everything-whilst-husband-sits-on-his-arse-all-evening all too easily. After all, many of us will have grown up with that behaviour being modelled by parents or grandparents (or TV). So I'd first be asking myself, does your husband expect you to be the one to iron his shirts because he values his earning the household income more than he values your raising of your/his children? Does he actually shoulder his share of the domestic chores, or does he expect you to do everything?

Next thing I'd be asking myself is, does the ironing of his shirts fall into being a domestic chore? It could be argued that it does, but equally it could be argued that it is a personal chore, since the shirts are purely his and no-one else's.

Personally, I think I'd be telling him that the ironing of his own clothes is his responsibility. You are performing the domestic chore of laundering his clothes, he prefers ironed clothes so that task should rightly fall to him.

"I haven't ironed dh shirts in about a year since I told him I was not going to do it.
The ironing pile has grown over the past year and dh is complaining he has no clothes and he keeps asking for them to be ironed and nothings been ironed in a year."
I must say this intrigues me. Either, he's been wearing unironed clothes for a year, or, he's been ironing his clothes. Either way, I'd be telling him to just continue how he has been for the past year, but drop the complaining. He can either iron his clothes, or not. But either way, it's not your problem and you don't want to hear about it again.

"The ironing pile has grown over the past year"
That's something I'd probably be changing. I wouldn't be creating a pile in the first place. I'd be putting clean clothing away, into drawers and hanging in the wardrobe. I wouldn't be leaving it in a pile/basket in the first place.

By the way, I'm saying all this as someone who irons. I even quite enjoy ironing! I can perfectly understand hating doing it, but then you make adjustments, don't you? You buy clothes that don't need ironing. Does he do that?

And presumably she does do most.
She just doesn't want to iron.

Nobody said she has to do every single task but this is one task he specifically asked if she could do as he needs a shirt for work everyday. People seem to have an issue because it's ironing but nobody is answering how they would feel if it wasn't ironing and it was cooking his dinner or doing his laundry

She's providing him with the luxury of childcare on tap.

He can use the money she is saving him to employ someone to do his ironing if he's that desperate.

I'm stay at home mum, not a housekeeper. I do the ironing sometimes, he does the ironing sometimes. If it's so easy, he can do it when he's home alone with the 3 small children surely?

Depends.
But this thread isn't about doing those things.
It's about something that can be done in 5 minutes (as you said).
He can easily do it himself but instead just leaves it piling up because he's decided that the OP has to do it for him.

It's appalling that you think that that is actually acceptable and that the OP should then reward that kind of behaviour by following his orders.

Well perhaps the DH should start to realise how lucky he is and stop acting like a caveman.