Should a sahm do dh ironing?

[crocly]

I have 2 small children and one due in October and I hate ironing.
I haven't ironed dh shirts in about a year since I told him I was not going to do it.
The ironing pile has grown over the past year and dh is complaining he has no clothes and he keeps asking for them to be ironed and nothings been ironed in a year.
It's all his T-shirts I don't iron my clothes and I don't iron the children's unless it's a particular item that needs it.
I am a sahm at the moment but I really don't like ironing and nor does he am I right to refuse as he wears it, he irons it or is this just part of my role as a sahm?

I don’t really think it matters what MN thinks. What bothers me is that he is repeatedly trying to force you to do something you don’t want to do. After a year, he should find other bloody means or other bloody shirts and tshirts. He is not being reasonable.

If I was working and my partner was at home with the kids I wouldn't expect to have to do anything except help with childcare when I got home as I'd want to spend time with my children. However if we are both working like most families then I would split chores and childcare

I'm a SAHM. I don't like ironing either but if any of us need something ironed I will just do it

For us personally, my role at home while my partner works is to make sure the kids are safe and fed and watered etc. I'll clean and tidy up as we go throughout the day but I don't typically do any other housework except if the weather is nice I might pop a washing on and hang it out to dry. We do all other household tasks together along with equal parenting when he isn't at work outside the home. Our oldest 2 started school yesterday leaving me with a 2 year old and I'm also 6 months pregnant so I don't imagine much will change in terms of the amount I do while he's out at work except possibly I might get bored because our 2 year old is starting nursery 2 days a week so we'll see! He finds this entirely fair and would never expect me to do more than parenting while I'm home alone with the kids.

I never ironed my DH's shirts but our cleaning lady did.
I hate ironing. Tell him he does it himself or pays for a service.

Of course he did. Funnily that was his arguement when I became a SAHM and complained he never did anything, and he said he used to do everything when he wasn't working. But I then had to point out to him that he didn't also have a baby to look after. Two quite different scenarios 🤣

You are a stay at home mum. Not a stay at home wife. Or servant for that matter.

Generally, I think looking after the children and probably cooking are all that can be "expected". Maybe dealing with a load of washing.

There are so many variables - your health, children's health, etc - that general expectations don't really exist beyond looking after the children.

Each couple needs to agree at the outset what their responsibilities will be, and communicate fairly, honestly and calmly if they find things aren't working.

Nobody should do anybody's ironing, including their own. You are not going to get to the end of your life, look back and think "if only my bedsheet had been marginally less wrinkly".

As a SAHP male or female, yes I think you should take full responsibility for the laundry, including anything that needs ironing.
I did when I was a SAHM because my dh was out of the house for 12-14 hours a day working silly hours so that we didnt have to put our dc into childcare. We had 3 dc under 5yrs at one point. He helped out when he was home of course, and the house was never spotless! If he needed a work shirt ironing and I was run off my feet, of course he would do it himself, but that wasn't the norm. If my dh was at home and I was out working, he would do all the chores without question, including my laundry and ironing. It's about teamwork.

Of course you do it. You are partners, you are supposed to help and support each other. You sound very selfish.

Not unless he'd expect a full-time nanny to do it, no.

or is this just part of my role as a sahm?

Absolutely not.
The cheek of him to decide you should be ironing his clothes and then leave them there to pile up waiting for you to do it when you said you weren't going to do it.

I don’t iron.
I detest ironing.
I am very bad at it.
I’ve owned one for years and it still looks new.

My job as a stay at home parent was to look after baby, breastfeeding (which surprised me how much time that took out of the day), if I had time: do chores that needed to be done during the day like hanging out the washing to dry, tidying, vacuuming when needed but not ironing someone else’s shirts.

After partner finishes work and gives himself a little break I get to knock off too and give myself a little break and he gets to bond with baby/dc, then after that we share stuff including cooking.

Stay at home parent does not equal house elf.

IME a SAHM can't do all the household tasks within the equivalent working week of DH. So some activties have to be done outwith the working day.

Presumably remaining tasks should be divided equally, so ironing can be filed under the list of DH activities surely? If this is the case YANBU.

However, if outwith the working day DH is gardening, cleaning bathrooms etc whilst you have your feet up for the whole time I'd say you do the ironing then, as we all have activites we hate but need to be done for the good of the family.

Up to you. But bit cheeky you are making no financial contribution. I don't like ironing either but my contribution was financial. Too much of an imbalance leads to resentments like this IMHO.

I think you should but if you really hate it get a hand steamer.

This is the real answer!

A couple of things that you're missing:

1. How much extra work is created by children. An adult only household especially when both people are out of the house all day doesn't get that messy. Babies and toddlers are incredibly messy and destructive. Just watch one eating in a restaurant and think about cleaning up after that several times a day

1. Lots of babies don't just sleep nicely in their cots. Some will only sleep on you or in a sling or in a moving pram.

And if I had someone at home looking after my children and doing the vast majority of all the tedious stuff that goes along with day to day family life then I wouldn't be demanding they iron my shirts for me when they said they really really didn't want to do it and weren't going to. I wouldn't let them pile up waiting for my partner to follow my orders.

My dh is as SAHD and I am yet to mistake him for a personal skivvy so I iron anything that I need as part of getting ready for work. Additionally I manage to do some washing, shopping, cooking and take the kids to weekend activities. I manage to bank and do life admin oh and did some hedge trimming last week.

I used to be the SAHM years ago and my dh was more preoccupied with checking I had had good days out and was more than capable of ironing his own clothes.

In our house there is income and tasks and how these are shared is with respect to the other who remains a person not a role.

Ffs. She's raising their kids. That's her contribution. What is wrong with people! 🤯

You should do it, if you don't want to - you should pay someone to come and do the ironing.

So does he think he shouldn't lift a finger at all at home? Never cook a meal, hoover, clean the bathroom etc? Or does he do some of those but has decided the ironing (which benefits only him and am assumingvis the job he most hates) is the one thing that you really MUST do?

No she doesn't.