Should a sahm do dh ironing?

[crocly]

I have 2 small children and one due in October and I hate ironing.
I haven't ironed dh shirts in about a year since I told him I was not going to do it.
The ironing pile has grown over the past year and dh is complaining he has no clothes and he keeps asking for them to be ironed and nothings been ironed in a year.
It's all his T-shirts I don't iron my clothes and I don't iron the children's unless it's a particular item that needs it.
I am a sahm at the moment but I really don't like ironing and nor does he am I right to refuse as he wears it, he irons it or is this just part of my role as a sahm?

I’m 66 and was married for 45 happy years. We both worked full time and shared the housework. I had to stop working (I have a disability) before DH and took on most of the housework in return for his increased contributions in the form of overtime and weekend working. It’s called loving and looking after each other, appreciating the things you do for each other, and a little bit of give and take - not to mention taking a pride in our home and his appearance at work. I may be a dinosaur but it’s worked well for us.

Yes, be grateful that you are saving the family thousands a month in childcare costs, losing out on your pension, have no personal income and have put your career back years and do his ironing!

FFS.....

Is it Tradwife month or something?!

I have done loads of family ironing and laundry over the years, whether working or at home. I think of washing clothes and ironing as being part of personal responsibility and care though, not someone else’s job to do for you. From early teens I dealt with my own laundry and ironing. I took it on voluntarily. If someone wants to do your ironing for you that’s lovely. Thank them and be very grateful. DH will crack on and do his own ironing as anyone capable should be prepared to do. Or I might do it, or he might do mine as a kind gesture. I find the idea of someone feeling so entitled to have another person iron for them that they demand they do it quite concerning.

Every month is tradwife month on MN

Definitely.
And following on from that logic, surely any decent woman would be embarrassed to be making blanket statements that other women should be ironing their husband's shirts.

When I was the sole earner DH did the ironing and nearly all the housework.

When I was a SAHM I did the ironing as well as the bulk of the housework. I felt that was my job. DH was working hard to support the family with no financial input from me.

When I returned to work after 15 years DH immediately stepped up without me saying anything and he generally does most of the ironing these days.

So, as I said upthread, if OP isn’t happy with the arrangement they could put the children in wrap around care, then she could work and they would share the housework. As an aside I don’t know many in our circle of friends who could have afforded to support a SAHM and three kids on one wage.

He has the luxury of having children, not having to look after them and to carry on with his career.

If your children are at nursery then yes you should do it unless you need to rest due to pregnancy.
If they're at home with you then absolutely not you should put your feet up rhe moment he's home and rest that pregnant body - nap
Times are for resting or even naps for you too. It's dangerous to iron with young kids toddling about they could get burned

@mm81736 I manage to look presentable at work without anyone to do my ironing for me or look after my child for me!

That's unusually good

I’m assuming that OP chose to do all those things though. If she was forced into it, it’s a different matter, but personal responsibility is key here.

Lovely that it worked for you. It wouldn’t work for many women.

I’ve never been a SAHM but when I was on mat leave I never ironed my DH clothes

Ask him if he would expect a nursery to do his ironing for him in between looking after the kids.......

I never understand these households where everyone does their own washing and ironing separately. If you need him to do the ironing then it’s not just his that you need him to do

If you iron, I would iron everyone's clothes. Just a pile of clothes, work through it.

But I don't iron. I've ironed approx a dozen times in the last... five? Ten years? If my DH wants an item of his clothing ironed, he does it.

I tried being an ironer when I was on mat leave with DC1. So boring. So much time wanted just making things flat. Nobody died from a wrinkled tshirt.

In your shoes OP, if you aren't ironing anyway then don't iron anything.

Yabu If I was working all day and paying for my husband to stay home all day then yes I would expect him to wash and iron my clothes and cook my tea as a minimum

But she doesn’t iron other stuff.

My husbands appearance at work is down to him, not me.

I wld do shirts at a push but I rarely if every iron anything - and to be honest if I was working he wouldn't iron my stuff so he should iron his own - he may be out earning the money but that doesn't mean he shouldn't have any home responsibilities - bet you you are tidying, washing and drying his shit - least he can do is iron 5 shirts. The rest of his stuff dry and fold immediately - good enough for casual - if he wants it ironed say for going out then DIY in my view

And look after 3 kids?

Also, you are a SAHM. Your "job" is looking after the children. You are not a housekeeper.

When I was a stay at home mum, I did all the ironing and housework. I still do the ironing unless my husband needs something ironed and I'm busy or out.

Yes