Should a sahm do dh ironing?

[crocly]

I have 2 small children and one due in October and I hate ironing.
I haven't ironed dh shirts in about a year since I told him I was not going to do it.
The ironing pile has grown over the past year and dh is complaining he has no clothes and he keeps asking for them to be ironed and nothings been ironed in a year.
It's all his T-shirts I don't iron my clothes and I don't iron the children's unless it's a particular item that needs it.
I am a sahm at the moment but I really don't like ironing and nor does he am I right to refuse as he wears it, he irons it or is this just part of my role as a sahm?

This. OP didn’t say one word about what her DH’s job is or what hours he works, but this being MN it’s assumed it’s 9-5, so let him iron his own shirts at the weekend !! Yes, they’re his kids too but I’m assuming there was some element of choice with the OP having them, and choosing to stay at home to care for them - which would suggest that her DH is a high earner if she can afford to do that. I can understand cutting back on housework during pregnancy but if you’re a permanent SAHM then I would think the minimum standard would be clean, tidy house, cooked food, and your clothes ironed. One quick trawl through threads like these tells you all you need to know about why couples split so easily these days.

When I used to iron and DH had a few things I would just do them all (but I quite like ironing).
I haven't bothered with it since covid though, now I only iron stuff that really needs it before I want to wear it, DH does his the same way.

He prefers ironing his shirts for work in the morning so I think that's his job.
We both work FT for context but when I worked PT I still didn't iron stuff he wanted to wear that day.

Being a SAHM with small kids is actually a FT job so asking him to do the ironing isn't unreasonable at all.

Because women don't pander to men anymore?

I work pt, my dh is ft and I do all the ironing. I did it when I was. Sahm too. We are a team-he does more paid work and I do domestic stuff. If he is working ft and you’re at home, why wouldn’t you?

Well if he’s earning enough to support a SAHM and three kids, then yes, I’d say it was.

Me neither, mine wear polos and sweatshirts! Once they get to secondary school they can iron their own if they have shirts

I think it is sad too that mothers are expected to be domestic servants and that fathers aren't even expected to iron their own clothes. It sounds like the 1950s. No wonder the birth rate is declining.

Maybe the reason he's earning enough is because they don't have to pay for childcare?

Yes I would. Just as if my DH were ironing, he’d iron my stuff at the same time, you’re a unit. I know it’s boring but if you’re already doing it, is it that hard to add a few more things?

Long time SAHM here, haha def no ironing. At all, ever. I do all the washing (which I hang up as soon as finished so it doesn’t need ironing) but no way I’d be standing there ironing with small children around, (would have been dangerous as they won’t leave me alone!) or doing it in the evening when I’m exhausted. As said many times here, I’m a SAHM, not maid. My partner has seen how hard it is to balance the children and all their demands full time and no way would he swap with me, he knows its tough. I don’t need to add ironing in to the mix!

Yes but if she hates ironing and she's doing most other household chores and childcare why can't he do all the ironing?

I get this, but if you were already doing the ironing would you do your DHs stuff too? In a lot of these scenarios (not read every post), the people saying they wouldn’t are the ones who aren’t ironing anything. OP is already ironing, so why not do DHs too?

Luxury?!!! Being a SAHM is hard work! And she's providing him the luxury of not having to pay for childcare!

You are a dinosaur.

Ah apologies, I misread, the OP wasn’t doing the ironing anyway. Then no, I wouldn’t.

So many saying "If you are doing the ironing anyway, why not do his?" are missing the fact that SHE ISNT DOING ANY IRONING!! She isnt deliberately leaving his stuff, she isnt ironing anyones stuff.

So if he wants it ironing, he irons it, otherwise he wears it unironed as the OP and the kids do with their stuff!

Quote from Agile Green Seal: I’ve received some flak for simply asking “Do you love him?”

Ah yes, GreenAgileSeal, you certainly have received some flak. Largely from me. And I completely stand by the flak I have given you for your innocently asked 'simple' question.

How is it pandering ? It’s give and take. He clearly works hard to be able to support a family on one wage, she doesn’t work outside the house. I don’t think it’s too much to expect, to come home from work and expect a tidy house and a meal. Or your work shirts ironed. She has the luxury of refusing to do the ironing because it’s not a job she likes. I’m sure there are bits of her DH’s job he doesn’t like, but he doesn’t have the option to refuse. And let’s face it, as has been pointed out numerous times here, women have a choice. She can put the kids into wrap around care and go out to work if she chooses to.

Yes, I wonder what the children are doing if mothers have so much time to be domestics servants to their helpless men. Maybe this is why teachers are reporting worsening school readiness.

My house is extremely tidy and functions very well despite the fact I don't do housework when I'm home alone with the kids. In fact, people often comment on how clean and tidy it is considering we have 3 young children. Thanks to the fact there's 2 adults who contribute equally to housework and childcare. I don't need to "get organised" and I am not the family servant. My partner does (as he absolutely should) 50% of the work that goes into running the household, housework and raising our children.

Also everyone saying being a SAHM is a luxury is batshit.

Going to work as the big boss (or at least at high-earning level), getting respect and admiration, getting to make decisions and exercise authority, then getting to come home and boss your wife around as well because she’s SO indebted to you for simply doing the job you would be doing in any case… sounds a damn sight more luxurious to me that being stuck at home resentfully ironing shirts for a man who thinks you’re his skivvy.

The OP said she doesn’t iron her clothes or her children's usually (but yes if I had loads of time, enjoyed ironing and did it for me and the children I think I would do his too)

Your DH needs to look presentable for work, you know the thing that putsa roof over your head, food in your belly and the luxury of being able to stay home with your children

Dear Mumsnet, I know my wife doesn't like ironing but I would rather make her unhappy than spend 10 minutes ironing my own t-shirts.

Surely any decent man would be embarrassed to say that.

She isn't refusing parts of the job she doesn't like because ironing men's clothes hasn't been the job of mothers since the 1950s. You also don't know that he "works hard" and even if he does every other working person finds time to iron so why can't fathers? Just because someone doesn't work outside the house it doesn't mean they don't work really hard.