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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend asking for money after a night out

175 replies

aloneintheether · 14/08/2024 20:07

A fairly new friendship.. went for a night out together for the first time. We were trying to take turns in buying drinks but had both had a lot to drink so might have not stuck to it towards the end of the night. Next day she messaged me with a screenshot of her bank account saying she feels like she might have bought more drinks and because she's broke, would I mind giving her money to cover for half of the night's costs.

I was a bit put out because I've never really come across anything like this and felt we had taken turns paying. I know I'm more well off than her but feel like if a friend knows she'll struggle to afford a night out she should either not go or communicate it beforehand where I then get a chance to offer to pay more if that's what I want to do. Also we'd had a disagreement during the night where she wanted to go to a nightclub where the crowd was 20 years younger than us and I wanted to go home. I insisted for long time that I didn't want to go but she kept pushing and in the end said she'd pay the entrance fee for both of us if I'd go in. Entrance fee for both of us was 16 pounds.

After her asking I checked my account and had spent a lot of money, although 10 pounds less than her. So really I shouldn't owe her anything with her having insisted she'd pay for that entrance fee. She still insisted it wasn't fair and that I went to the club as well and should pay the same as her.

I'm really not bothered about the money at all but more about the weirdness and pettiness of it and of being drawn into something like this. AIBU to feel a bit weirded out by this?

OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 19/08/2024 11:00

GreenFields07 · 19/08/2024 09:24

Not really.
OP says 'Entrance fee for both of us was 16 pounds'
I read that as both cost £16 together, not each. So £16 total spent by friend not £32. Not everyone else can be wrong.

Yep. Entrance fee for BOTH of us, not entrance fee for EACH of us. £8 each, £16 total. Incredibly simple.

RenoDakota · 19/08/2024 11:02

For all those still saying 'send her the five pounds', she did that five days ago!

Zow · 19/08/2024 11:15

Yeah I would probably not see her again sorry @aloneintheether How awkward! 😬 I don't think I would be able to look her in the eye again!

Strictlymad · 19/08/2024 11:21

Hi Friend! Wow what a night I think we dran more than we realised! I compared my statement with yours and you spent 10 more than me, but offered to pay my entran fee to the difference is £2. Send me your bacs details and I’ll send my £1 share. Lots of love

Calamitousness · 19/08/2024 11:28

Wow. Just wow.
She’s a horror! Basically you can say anything you want to her at this point. She’s not a friend and that relationship is dead now.
I would absolutely not send her money. She’s a grifter. I hate ‘tight’ people. So what if she’d spent all the money that night and you’d spent none. It’s done now and she is an adult and is responsible for her actions. If that’s what she chose to do at the time she can’t now change her mind and decide to charge you. That is such icky behaviour.

couchparsnip · 19/08/2024 12:12

Shinyandnew1 · 14/08/2024 20:15

Reply saying, ‘I only went to the club because you said you’d pay my entry, I told you I didn’t want to go! You spent £100, I spent £90. I’ll send you £5 if that’s what you really want?’

Then never go out drinking with her again.

definitely this. I wouldn't go out with her again either

time2changeCharlieBrown · 19/08/2024 12:17

Oh wow be glad she’s shown her true colours and cut ties here

samanthablues · 19/08/2024 12:20

She's living way over her means and wants others to foot the bill. I wouldn't necessarily bin her as friend but don't go out drinking nights with her and don't plan any activities that involves "sharing expenses", big solid boundaries with this one. And no, you don't owe her a dime.

sweetpickle2 · 19/08/2024 12:22

This wouldn't bother me with a true friend, sounds like she got carried away a bit pissed and had regrets the next day- we've all been there, surely? She might have genuinely thought she spent more, I'd just tell her she hadn't and that would be it.

However it doesn't sound like you like her much for other reasons so I wouldn't bother in that case.

Tartantotty · 19/08/2024 12:51

Send her £15 to keep the peace and block her

loropianalover · 19/08/2024 12:54

Tartantotty · 19/08/2024 12:51

Send her £15 to keep the peace and block her

Blocking her surely won’t keep the peace 🤣🤣 I still agree with you that she should block her but that made me laugh

Scottsy200 · 19/08/2024 13:29

I’d send her a fiver and say there we both spent the same now

Dont go out with her again though what a nightmare

Johnthesensible · 19/08/2024 13:45

Give them money this time and you will be on their list for more monies in the future. The fact they went clubbing when all they had in the world is a few quid tells the story.

Make your excuses and move on.

Lurkingonmn · 19/08/2024 18:32

I think maybe don't go out drinking with her again if that's what she's like or if you did want to keep the friendship and go out like that then have a kitty or clear boundaries upfront.
I'd also have paid the difference but I think it is weird behaviour. I'd also point out if she's that tight on money going to the club you had to pay for was a mistake and in future she should let you know if you have a limit cos a night out isn't worth the stress/her going into debt or anything

Minesril · 19/08/2024 19:40

Does her name begin with W?

Imisssleep2 · 20/08/2024 06:11

You have two choices either send her a screen shot back and say you don't owe anything as she insisted on paying the entry fee to the club, or you send her a fiver to save arguements, either way I wouldn't be going out with her again, or if I did I would insist we brought our own drinks refering back to this incident.

Maybe she has more money troubles than she would like to admit, to be so petty, and has realised she over spent and is now short for the month, not your fault though, should have taken cash and set her own spending limit, to eat too tap a card or phone nowadays.

paradisecircus · 20/08/2024 06:46

Agree with transferring the money (or £5) to keep the peace. But don't go for this type of night with her again. If you do go out, keep your finances separate and be explicit about doing so

Goodtogossip · 20/08/2024 10:28

Send her a screenshot of your account proving you paid just as much as her then send her £5 to make up the short fall of the £10 extra she paid. Don't go out with her again.

Phoenixfire1988 · 20/08/2024 15:56

To be petty I'd send her a screenshot of what I spent and send her a fiver so we spent the same and as its a new friendship its one I'd drop very quickly she got pissed over spent and in the cold light of day has realised she's now left herself skint and expects you to reimburse her for half of what she spent which is absurd

Ablar · 20/08/2024 16:50

I'd send her the fiver along with a screenshot of what I spent and say 'we're even now'

JustAnotherDadOf2 · 21/08/2024 01:16

Photocopy your bank statement and write her a cheque for £10, your conscience is completely clear. See if she cashed it. Avoid in future.

NoThanksymm · 21/08/2024 16:02

… yeah. I think she owes you money! And should have covered all drinks from that point on.

easy thing not to continue the ‘friendship’

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/08/2024 16:38

I assume no ones bothered reading the OP's posts (all two of them, its a huge undertaking I know)...

Where she says she sent a fiver... over a week ago?

MeAgainAndAgain · 21/08/2024 17:38

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/08/2024 16:38

I assume no ones bothered reading the OP's posts (all two of them, its a huge undertaking I know)...

Where she says she sent a fiver... over a week ago?

Reading the OPs post and update before commenting? What sort of witchcraft is this? 🤯🤦‍♀️😁

letstrythis · 22/08/2024 10:18

It's gone a bit 'cancel the cheque'

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