Friend asking for money after a night out

[aloneintheether]

A fairly new friendship.. went for a night out together for the first time. We were trying to take turns in buying drinks but had both had a lot to drink so might have not stuck to it towards the end of the night. Next day she messaged me with a screenshot of her bank account saying she feels like she might have bought more drinks and because she's broke, would I mind giving her money to cover for half of the night's costs.

I was a bit put out because I've never really come across anything like this and felt we had taken turns paying. I know I'm more well off than her but feel like if a friend knows she'll struggle to afford a night out she should either not go or communicate it beforehand where I then get a chance to offer to pay more if that's what I want to do. Also we'd had a disagreement during the night where she wanted to go to a nightclub where the crowd was 20 years younger than us and I wanted to go home. I insisted for long time that I didn't want to go but she kept pushing and in the end said she'd pay the entrance fee for both of us if I'd go in. Entrance fee for both of us was 16 pounds.

After her asking I checked my account and had spent a lot of money, although 10 pounds less than her. So really I shouldn't owe her anything with her having insisted she'd pay for that entrance fee. She still insisted it wasn't fair and that I went to the club as well and should pay the same as her.

I'm really not bothered about the money at all but more about the weirdness and pettiness of it and of being drawn into something like this. AIBU to feel a bit weirded out by this?

I too read it that she in fact owes YOU £6.

I'd point this out to her. I'd then suggest we call it even and never see her again.

She’s skint and full of regret. Chalk it up to experience.

Nip it in the bud and get rid. You don't need friends like this. Best to look for people who get you.

Yeah, I’d reply telling her how much came out of your own account and say ‘We did split it fairly. I didn’t want to go to the club - that was meant to be something you paid for, for that reason, remember?’

She’s an adult- if she can’t control her spending or keeping tabs when she’s very tight on money, she should withdraw it first or take more responsibility for keeping track. It’s not for you to manage and sub the next day when that’s not what you agreed!

This.

Sounds like the start of a beautiful friendship! 🙄

It looks like she’s realised she’s overspent and I would assume want more than £5.
I would reply saying you’ve checked your bank and you’ve spent £10 less so willing to transfer £5. I wouldn’t say anything else in the message and I wouldn’t go out with her again.

I started off on team pay her a fiver and walk away.

However the more I read this the more annoyed I am with her and wouldn't want to be her friend after this. So I'd reply "Susan you paid £10 more than me despite offering to pay the £16 to get us in the club only you wanted to go to. So actually, you owe me £6 thanks"

And then delete her number

Agree with majority. Send £5 so spending is even, draw a line under it and don’t go out with her again. Not worth the argument for £5

You need to cut ties with her - this sounds like the thin end of the wedge. She'll keep pestering you for money giving this and that excuse if you continue the friendship.

I would refund her the £16 club fee (forget that she said she'd pay it, it's just not worth arguing over) point out that you've now spent more than she did, and then fade the friendship out.

You said yourself it's a fairly we friendship, so you haven't sussed each other's ways out yet. Probably time to take a step back. (Not going to say 'slow fade'!)

Only one way to deal with CF

taste of their own medicine

hi, I’ve checked my account. I’ve spent £10 less than you. Since you wanted to spend the £16 on the club that i went to only because you wanted me to, then you should have spent £16 more than me. However since you’ve spent only £10 more, you owe me £3. I’m prepared to overlook this as you’re skint.

So she wants you to cover half of what she spent on top of everything you spent?

Tell her to piss off (or offer her the fiver if you're feeling charitable) and pull back from this one.

She sounds awful. I'd just reply "God yeah we were so drunk, can't believe how many drinks we bought. Just checked my bank account and I spent £X. How on earth did we drink that much?! No wonder I was in a state the next day haha". If she presses it you could then reply that you thought you were quits because she paid the entrance fee, or send her the fiver to shut her up, but hopefully realising that you also spent a fortune will bring her to her senses.

And never go out with her again.

Agree that you need to show her that you spent just a tenner less than her, send her the £16 for the club entry and never go out with her again.

It's weird behaviour.

I'd send a fiver - just to draw a line under it because I couldn't be bothered with the drama of it all and I would definitely avoid going out with her again!

Send a screen shot back to show her how much you spent and then tell her. Its very equal !

Send her a fiver and call it a day. This will not get better. What's that saying? When someone shows you who they really are... believe them.

Just give her the entrance fee bit if it means so much to her, but steer clear of her. She got carried away and can't afford what she spent.

I’d send her a tenner and delete her number

What a cheeky cow.

So she wants you to refund her half of what she's spent, meaning you'd have paid for 75% of the night out and her 25% (besides the bloody tenner difference)? Honestly I'd tell her to get fucked.

She sounds awful! I really wouldn’t go out drinking with her again.

She has said to you that she feels she spent more on drinks.I probably wouldn’t split hairs and make a point over the £16 club entry, but I’d probably send her a screenshot of your bank acc/outgoings from the night (just like she did to you!) and say something like:

• (Obviously change the figures, I’ve just hypothetically gone for, she spent £60 you spent £50.)

“Hmm doesn’t look like you spent that much more on drinks than me, I only spent £10 less! It doesn’t seem right that you expect me to pay half your outgoings from the night, because as it stands you paid £60 and I £50, so if I cover half your bill then it means I will have paid £80 and you only £30! That doesn’t seem right! I can transfer you a fiver if you want to split hairs over the fact I spent £10 more, but I’m not prepared to give any more than that, as I believe it should be equal! Had a great night, hope you’re not too hungover!x”

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she’s really panicking about money and is overreacting as a result. I would just give her £5 or whatever makes the outgoings even, even if it means you’re paying half of nightclub entry. I’d avoid future big nights out and stick to the cinema or a coffee shop in future.

I don't see an issue with this. Her request was polite. She spent more than she thought and won't have known that you have spent similar. I wouldn't be put out by it.

I'd send a screen shot and I think I'd offer to send the £5. It's only £5 after all.

I prefer to have friends who are comfortable raising things like this rather than her sitting at home feeling like she has been ripped off by you. She's made a mistake but she hasn't been rude. People are so quick to get pissed off on Mumsnet.