Friend asking for money after a night out

[aloneintheether]

A fairly new friendship.. went for a night out together for the first time. We were trying to take turns in buying drinks but had both had a lot to drink so might have not stuck to it towards the end of the night. Next day she messaged me with a screenshot of her bank account saying she feels like she might have bought more drinks and because she's broke, would I mind giving her money to cover for half of the night's costs.

I was a bit put out because I've never really come across anything like this and felt we had taken turns paying. I know I'm more well off than her but feel like if a friend knows she'll struggle to afford a night out she should either not go or communicate it beforehand where I then get a chance to offer to pay more if that's what I want to do. Also we'd had a disagreement during the night where she wanted to go to a nightclub where the crowd was 20 years younger than us and I wanted to go home. I insisted for long time that I didn't want to go but she kept pushing and in the end said she'd pay the entrance fee for both of us if I'd go in. Entrance fee for both of us was 16 pounds.

After her asking I checked my account and had spent a lot of money, although 10 pounds less than her. So really I shouldn't owe her anything with her having insisted she'd pay for that entrance fee. She still insisted it wasn't fair and that I went to the club as well and should pay the same as her.

I'm really not bothered about the money at all but more about the weirdness and pettiness of it and of being drawn into something like this. AIBU to feel a bit weirded out by this?

Is there any other way for you to make friends in the village? Or even neighbouring villages? Fitness class, book club, ramblers or volunteer programmes?

It's nice to have a friend to socialise outside of a coffee and conversations about children and rural life is difficult, hopefully you aren't the only woman in the village looking for friends to break the monotonous cycle.

Can you sign your DC up to exciting hobbies in nearby towns? (Only half joking)

😂 I really like to think I’d have done that. What an embarrassment she is.

Total weirdo

I think you were right - £5 then distance, as other have said, and I see is what you’ve done.

Really rubbish of her.

I think we’ve all had mornings when we’ve woken up and thought “what did I spend?” Or felt that in the heat of the moment (or the drink) you’ve bought more rounds than your share. Lots of us get more generous in drink 😂

But you don’t call people the next day and ask for money - it’s on you (or her, in this instance) if you got carried away.

@Daisychain185 thank you, the fact that nobody in this thread can do maths has been irritating me way too much given it doesn't change the conclusion 😂

Exactly... ask her if she accepts coins 🤦‍♀️😒🤣

You've spent roughly.the same yet she expects you to pay her half of her costs?! Wtf?! You cannot send her any money, because that's batshit crazy. I'd message back saying I've checked my account and it's similar to what you've spent. So why would I pay you? I wouldn't ever go out with her again, if she's going to ask for money like this.

Not unreasonable at all, very petty and don’t bother going out with her again if that is how she acts

Send her a screenshot of your bank acct and send her a fiver. Ridiculous behaviour especially as she pushed for the later club.

Surely it's £2 ?
if A spent £10 more than B, but A was paying for the night club which was £16 thus £8 each

This lady will never be a close friend. You do not seem to be very like minded.

Do not pay her back and hope that she leaves you alone.

The correct answer is ZERO the op owes the "friend" nothing .

I don't know how much free time you have, and I don't know if you have ' hobbies ' but if you are looking for new friends i often see that ' Meetup ' is suggested on local social media around where I live.
Never tried it myself but when it is suggested on a social media post one or more other people will pop along and say oh yes i belong to / use meetup too.

Send £5 and say “Here you go you big baby.”

Reminds me of a friend who moved her MIL in then proceeded to bitch to me every single day for six years and then got offended when I sent her a MIL joke authored by a British woman.
She stopped speaking to me like that was an insult lol.

Send her a fiver and tell her to put it towards finding another mug!

At least she showed her true colours early on in the friendship. Why are there so many mean people around?

Short and simple. This is ridiculous. And this is not a friend. Close the door now and run. This is not what friendship is about. And let her know that you have shut the front door.

It’ll start with this, then because she feels comfortable pushing you for money she will ask for more on other occasions. I’d send the club entry, remind her it was her idea and confirm we wouldn’t be going out again.

This ^. A nice clean break without any more nonsense.

Send her message you only spent £10 less than her so will send her a £5. I'd not want to go out with her again tbh.

I had a long time friend like this who was always analysing the spend on a night out after the event. And eventhough I always paid more-a lot more at times - had a more steady income etc - the situation never improved beyond who paid for what. There were always repercussions from a night out - she bitching about other people. It became tedious to hang out with her. I’d pay the difference and let the whole friendship drop.

Tut, kids aye.

Give her a fiver and dump her. (Preferably give the in loose change )

In a similar position myself OP and totally sympathise. I try to tell myself I’d rather no friends than friends like this but I can’t bring myself to cut off the few friends I have. Most people in my town are like it so I’m trying hard to make new friends, joining classes and groups. I’ve met people but I haven’t made friends yet, it’s really hard.
Send the £5 and call it even. Never get into rounds or paying together and never be the one to book events. Unfortunately you have to be on your guard even whilst drunk. Ignore the guilt tripping, she’s responsible for her own finances and shouldn’t spend it drinking if she’s that tight.
Just offering you solidarity really, I wish I was in a position to be more picky about friends.

There’s some CF’s out there disguised as friends OP.

We had a woman who was an acquaintance who started coming out with our group after lockdown. Couple of times she ‘forgot’ her debit card and the rest of the group bought her the code drink. Though we very quickly realised this was a pattern not a one off

So we started calling her bluff - telling her it was her round and she’d either make excuses ‘I only bought £20 cash and ring have my card’ then the next time she went to the loo when it was her round and slipped out the bar and went home without a word.

I’ve since met other ladies who she did same thing to - yet she moans about his she’s never had really good female friends and reckons it’s because she’s so attractive that every other women is jealous.

No love you’re a tight grabby scrounger who got found out

Send her a message, saying “i didn’t want to go to the club, but you’re right I did enjoy a good dance, so happy to pay the same for our evening of fun. I’ve checked my bank transactions, I spent £££, so here’s the £5 difference”.

anytime she wants to go out again, say you’re busy.

I’d let the friendship fizzle out, you’re instinct of this cf is spot on.