Friend asking for money after a night out

[aloneintheether]

A fairly new friendship.. went for a night out together for the first time. We were trying to take turns in buying drinks but had both had a lot to drink so might have not stuck to it towards the end of the night. Next day she messaged me with a screenshot of her bank account saying she feels like she might have bought more drinks and because she's broke, would I mind giving her money to cover for half of the night's costs.

I was a bit put out because I've never really come across anything like this and felt we had taken turns paying. I know I'm more well off than her but feel like if a friend knows she'll struggle to afford a night out she should either not go or communicate it beforehand where I then get a chance to offer to pay more if that's what I want to do. Also we'd had a disagreement during the night where she wanted to go to a nightclub where the crowd was 20 years younger than us and I wanted to go home. I insisted for long time that I didn't want to go but she kept pushing and in the end said she'd pay the entrance fee for both of us if I'd go in. Entrance fee for both of us was 16 pounds.

After her asking I checked my account and had spent a lot of money, although 10 pounds less than her. So really I shouldn't owe her anything with her having insisted she'd pay for that entrance fee. She still insisted it wasn't fair and that I went to the club as well and should pay the same as her.

I'm really not bothered about the money at all but more about the weirdness and pettiness of it and of being drawn into something like this. AIBU to feel a bit weirded out by this?

I would square it up so you both pay 50/50.
Then forget about it.
It sounds like a very insignificant amount and when you show her that I think she'll feel like a bit of an idiot.

I guess the only possible explanation about why she felt she overspent, is if you were drinking champagne all evening, and her Diet Coke. So you ‘drank’ more money than her.

However, the general etiquette is you take turns to buy drinks, which is what you did.

I rtft and saw you've sent her the money. Very good of you but I would end the friendship. You felt uncomfortable about it before and it seems rightly so. She sounds unpleasant. Bullet dodged.

Yep send the fiver and don't go out with her again.

I would give her the amount that would make it up to half each but wouldn't share again. Just pay your own way.

I wouldn't dig your heels in about the money, but have a think about whether you want to invest your time in the friendship. You might be able to talk it out and it may not happen again - but not worth putting the effort in if you're not that bothered about the friendship

I'd send her a fiver along with a screenshot showing what you spent for the evening, too.

This!

Pretty much as everyone else has said. Amounts paid are similar, but just offer to buy the first round next time to make up the difference.

If there is a next time that is. I would seriously reconsider a new friendship with someone like this. Could not be bothered with the hassle of someone being this petty if I’m honest.

That said, if she’s genuinely struggling for money and has other friend qualities I would probably give some slack and offer a cheaper night out next time.

But screenshotting bank statements is a bit weird. If not too invested I would keep her at arm’s length.

This is what I would do.

Exactly this!

Don't settle for a shitty friendship just because you don't have a huge circle of friends op.

I'd rather be lonely than have friends like this.

How petty!

@aloneintheether just transfer her £5 and don't go out with her again!

This is exactly what I was thinking!

Don't send the fiver.
Let her know how ridiculous she is and don't go out with her again.

What drinks did you have? Did your drink costs alot more than hers?

I think your friend likes a drink and a night out and thought that she had found someone to subsidise her. Now that you have drawn your boundary well (that you will not be taken advantage of) if you do continue the friendship keep your boundary and track all spending splitting it equally.

I have seen that you have your doubts about this friend but if you do enjoy her company then I wouldn’t let her being a bit stingey or weird with money put an end to it. Just make sure if you book an activity you get her money up front before booking for example knowing that she is tight with money.

Try moving to a new area, there are lots of lovely people out there really who have other interests. Some places have small town/village mentality. I come from a town like that left twenty years ago and have also lived in a village that was unbelievably unfriendly and I did not fit in at all.

As for the friendship sorry but she’s ruined it now and all for a fiver. I hope she regrets it.

Sounds like she's testing the waters to see whether you'll be enough of a mug to pay for her nights out in the future. If she was genuinely broke, she could have explained money is tight and just bought her own drinks within her budget rather than doing rounds. Has she asked to borrow money from you before?

What did she say when you sent the fiver? I don’t know how she’s not cringing her arse off.

I think I would add up the total expenses for the night divide by 2 and then give her whatever money was needed to make it so that she had spent the same amount as you.
After that I would make sure that everything was put in writing about who was paying for what if we ever went out together again!

What's been said since you sent the fiver?

All financial institutions should have the same policy for security. I'd have to use another device to take a photo of my screen.

I'd not put up with this. Totally not cool. Better off to take her off your friends list, than not be able to trust her. I dread to think what she will pull next.

OP - are there towns near to you that you could join up a Meet Up or FB local group and get to meet people that way?