Friend asking for money after a night out

[aloneintheether]

A fairly new friendship.. went for a night out together for the first time. We were trying to take turns in buying drinks but had both had a lot to drink so might have not stuck to it towards the end of the night. Next day she messaged me with a screenshot of her bank account saying she feels like she might have bought more drinks and because she's broke, would I mind giving her money to cover for half of the night's costs.

I was a bit put out because I've never really come across anything like this and felt we had taken turns paying. I know I'm more well off than her but feel like if a friend knows she'll struggle to afford a night out she should either not go or communicate it beforehand where I then get a chance to offer to pay more if that's what I want to do. Also we'd had a disagreement during the night where she wanted to go to a nightclub where the crowd was 20 years younger than us and I wanted to go home. I insisted for long time that I didn't want to go but she kept pushing and in the end said she'd pay the entrance fee for both of us if I'd go in. Entrance fee for both of us was 16 pounds.

After her asking I checked my account and had spent a lot of money, although 10 pounds less than her. So really I shouldn't owe her anything with her having insisted she'd pay for that entrance fee. She still insisted it wasn't fair and that I went to the club as well and should pay the same as her.

I'm really not bothered about the money at all but more about the weirdness and pettiness of it and of being drawn into something like this. AIBU to feel a bit weirded out by this?

She’s an absolutely cheeky fucker. Who honestly does that?

Od reply that you’ve checked your bank account and when you take the club into account you spent pretty much the same so you’re quits

Then never go out with her again.

There's no need to be wired out by it, loads of people are really really bad with money and I guess she is just one of them. Asking to make it square is fair enough, as is you sayin no.
And if it's bothering you or she goes wild about it then don't meet up again. But if you had a good night then there's no reason to cut ties?

Thanks so much everyone. I felt I wasn't being unreasonable but was second guessing myself. I initially sent her a message saying about the club thing and how I really hadn't wanted to go and especially didn't want to pay to go somewhere I didn't want to go. She replied saying she didn't want to fall out over it but felt I was being unfair because we had spent over an hour there dancing so clearly I wasn't that unhappy about being there. In the end I just sent her the five quid.

It's a friendship I've always had an uncomfortable feeling about but have kept it going because I don't have many friends. I moved from a different country to the UK (after a man) ten years ago and obviously had to leave all my friends behind. I made lots of friends through the kids but we live in a really rural area and haven't really found like-minded people. I grew up in a big city, am fairly highly educated and interested in lots of different things. Other mums in my village dropped out of school early, haven't really got interests and their lived tend to be all about being a mother and a wife. I've got plenty of friends to go for a quick catch up over a coffee but no close friends. With this new friend it felt like the closeness came pretty quickly but tbh we mainly have bonded around mutual messy childhoods and the aftermath of that (poor mental health). I've felt like I'm not keen on this friendship for multiple reasons but haven't done that because I feel I'll have no friends left then. Maybe better to be alone than in a friendship with constant drama and negativity though.

You may not be able to take a screenshot of your bank account to send her. I can't with my bank, and only discovered that when someone trying to found she couldn't with her, different bank.

I think you are right to end it. Better not to have toxic friendships.

Did she gracefully accept the £5, or seem a bit off about it, as we know she was hoping for more?

I wouldn’t stay friends with someone who you’re not “keen on this friendship for multiple reasons” with, especially after this incident. But appreciate you don’t want to be alone. Are there any clubs you can join or anything like that where you can make some new friends?

Two grown women, married with kids and you had to bung her a fiver because you both lost track of your spending after getting pissed in a nightclub? No. This is sixth-form behaviour. Cut her out. You can do better.

I'd be so annoyed at having dragged myself to that club, only to get this message. Right in the category of 'no good turn goes unpunished.'

Plus, yes you were dancing, but once you were in would she have not asked you for the money if you'd sat there looking miserable?! Would probably have said pay for hers as you ruined it for her.

OP you had a few too many and now you're paying for it the next day... Literally 😂

I'm glad you only sent her the fiver @aloneintheether

The absolute audacity of expecting someone else to cover half of your half of the costs is astounding!

The petty part of me would want to point out that, seeing as she said she'd pay for the club entry, she actually owed you £6.

CF can say you enjoyed the club,she still agreed to pay for you.
Is it his the first time she has been like this or has she got form.

I wouldn't give her anything,you both basically spent the same amount.
Tell her to jog on.

Honestly I'm even more fucked off with her after this. Of course you'd spend at least an hour "enjoying" the club after she'd paid you in or that would have been bloody rude!

I can't stand pettiness, stinginess, or people like her who move the goal posts. I've been pissed off after nights out when I've been drunk and over generous so spent more on others but that's my choice, I wouldn't dream of blaming anyone except myself and certainly wouldn't ask them to pay me back.

I'd definitely not be friends with her after this

Absolutely! I often have big nights out with my friends and literally no one keeps count of who spent what. It’s swings and roundabouts and as long as we have a good night and no one takes piss who even thinks about keeping a balance sheet?

She sounds weird and I wouldn't go out with her again.

What a CF. I’d send:

Really? Weird. I thought we spent about the same. Just checked my account (see pic) and you spent £10 more than me, that’ll be because you insisted on paying to get in the club and I didn’t want to. Anyway I’ll transfer the fiver now - that means we spent EXACTLY the same amount.

Looking forward to our next night out, I’ll be sure to bring my pad and pen so we can keep tally!

This is exactly what I’d say. She’s being a right silly mare

What a massive CF.

I think you'd be doing the right thing to cut ties.

She’s an absolute mug because she’s blown friendship over a fiver - silly cow

I think you should move to a City.

I’d send the money she wants and distance myself. Let her know that you only spent £10 less than her though.

Message her

You £110
Me £100
Entry to club you said you would pay £8
Final difference £2
Split the difference, here's your £1.

Adjust values accordingly

I know you've sent her money now but surely she actually should have owed you £22!
Because say you both spent equally each on drinks, she should have then spent an additional £32 on the club entries, but she only ended up spending an additional £10.

So you actually spent £22 more than her on drinks through the night, because 100% of your money spent went on drinks, whereas £32 of her money went on club entries.

Is she expecting you to even up the costs so you both spent the same -ie the fiver you sent.

Or is she expecting you to cover half of HER nights costs, so she's expecting you to send £50...

Both are wildly unreasonable but I think if she's expecting £50 and you've sent her £5... fireworks are to follow!

Or this may resolve your 'this friendship makes me uncomfortable' issue quite swiftly!

'No'. Block and don't see her again.