To think the perimenopause years aren’t necessarily all doom and gloom

[chillidoritto]

Just that really! I’m in the peri (late 40s) and was dreading it after reading some peoples’
experiences!

Reassuringly, neither myself nor my friendship group have had any dreadful experiences! Symptoms have been manageable, especially with HRT! I still enjoy a normal social life, normal sex life, hold down a stressful job and most importantly still enjoy life just as much if not more!

I am absolutely NOT dismissing the bad time some women have, just saying it’s not an inevitability. Maybe the HRT is saving us, in which case it is a God send!

I’m actually quite relieved to read this. I’m in my early 40s and seem to be constantly hearing about what a terrible time I’m going to have in the next few years!

I think it’s possibly just that those who have struggled are more likely to talk about it. A bit like the way you’ll likely tell people if you’ve had a terrible experience in a restaurant. But if you went out and had a perfectly fine, uneventful evening you might not mention it.

I think increased awareness is a good thing so that women know to seek support if they need it. But it’s definitely not helpful to assume that everyone will suffer (as many of my older colleagues seem to with their “just you wait” comments…).

You may well be right! Like when you’re pregnant - “just wait for the sleepless nights” “just wait til he’s walking”.

I know HRT isn’t for everyone but it is always there as an option.

The worst bit for me was not knowing when I was going to come in, after years of being regular.

Thanks for starting this thread. I’m 49 and have not had a single symptom of menopause. Periods still light and regular, active sex life, not tired or emotional, exercising regularly etc. Not on HRT.

Like you, I feel for those with symptoms, but it feels like it’s become impossible to mention the other side of perimenopause without being vilified or seen as smug, so I never mention it!

I'm 49 and not had a period for getting on 6 months so assume I'm very much peri! Not on HRT and have had no symptoms at all so far.

It's fine. I'm 57 and only have minor symptoms. HRT not needed.

If you do have symptoms, most people can take HRT to help.

Not many have very bad symptoms AND can not take HRT.

Some people breeze through menopause. Some people REALLY struggle. And others are in the middle, of course. We're all different, and you can't tell which side of the fence you'll fall until you get there.

My experience was pretty good, in that my periods stopped before I even realised I'd been through perimenopause (I did stop early, at 46). In retrospect my periods had got rather heavy, and I was a lot more "furious" more often....but no depression, sleep issues, hot flushes, night sweats or obvious brain-fog.

Didn't take HRT, as I didn't realise I was perimenopausal!

Only the people who are having issues post about it, the other 80% of women are just fine. Same for the actual menopause, you hear the tales of those most affected not those who had no adverse effects at all

I'm 51 and so far the only thing I have is insomnia but I've had that since a child, it's just got worse. I've got a mirena so no idea if I've actually reached menopause

I genuinely never heard of peri-menopause until I was well into my 40s, I had no idea it was a 'thing', only that menopause was looming. I think I may well have heard about it on here!

I'm 55 now, haven't had a period in over 5 years and the only real symptoms I have (apart from osteoporosis which was pretty unavoidable due to strong family history) is occasional insomnia and I'm definitely more of a worrier than I used to be but that I put down to getting older in general (eg losing people I love, health issues in family members) rather than hormones.

I haven't had any problems with menopause. I had insomnia with Peri, although I've had that all my life. I consider myself lucky. I got awful period pains as a teenager and I remember my mum telling people she thought I was putting it on as she didn't get period pains.* So I definitely am not someone who thinks as I haven't suffered, others don't either.
*I've realised as an adult that she likes all sympathy to be directed at her, so claims that even terminally I'll people are "putting it on."

I'm 56, last had a period 3 months ago and other than struggling with the heat a little more at night, I've had no menopause or peri symptoms. I eat reasonably well, avoid UPFs well and walk the dog regularly but I wouldn't say that I'm particularly healthy otherwise, so I can't imagine that my experience is all that unusual.

I can't take HRT for other health reasons so all I've done is bought a portable air conditioner and couple of chill mats for my pillow so that my sleep isn't disrupted when it's hot outside.

YANBU - BUT it was HRT that turned it from an unlivable nightmare back to just living life.

I had little in terms of physical symptoms, but was at the point of almost not functioning emotionally until I got on the HRT. That's some scary shit. Thank god for HRT.

I had appalling symptoms form the age of 37 or so that HRT really helped. I was on HRT of some kind or another for about 12 years. I've now had to come off HRT and I seem to be pretty much through it at 55.

Friends have had a range of experiences. Some have sailed through, others have been happy with HRT, others couldn't take HRT and have varied experiences.

One in particular sailed through it but now has osteoperosis issues and thinks HRT would have assisted with that.

Another used to raise her eyebrows at my symptoms and suggest exercise and multivitamins and eating well. Then a few years later it hit her with a vengeance and she apologised!

Even if it is not the majority who struggle, I think it is important that it is now discuss it more.

I agree with what has been said above. Many people sail through. Others do have very real and debilitating symptoms. However, most of these can be overcome with good medical support. The issue is that many women do not get this support.

Other women find it hard because perimenopause can happen at a particularly stressful time of life, sandwiched between two generations.

I’m 46 and have used HRT for two years because my psychological symptoms and insomnia became a problem. A doctor who postered and prescribed HRT meant that I’m now back up and running. I have a busy, happy life, look not to shabby and am in great health.

I have a couple of friends who have had peri symptoms and have decided to solider on, rather than seek help, or to allow themselves to be fobbed off by unhelpful doctors. They have really struggled, and still do.

It can be a great time of life. And if it’s not, always seek help.

Same here. HRT saved my marriage, if not my life,

It's a bit like childbirth, negative stories are amplified by social media and attract more attention than positive ones.
I'm 50 and menopause has been fine really. Much helped by HRT, but tge only symptoms prior were sore joints and a short phase of night sweats.
Most if the women I know of my age are having a blast.

Same! I had horrible anxiety and felt really flat and joyless. And the rage 😮

Either not having immediate symptoms or taking hrt makes it fine for the women I know and socialise with. The ones who could (should!) but won't take hrt are absolutely on their arses and it really annoys me to have lost some good women in the last 5 years. I miss them dearly but they are to anxious, exhausted and overwhelmed to cope.

I’m hopefully coming to the end of peri and it’s been pretty brutal. I’ve been on HRT for the last 3 years which has helped a lot, but I still have periods of times when I feel hormonal - nothing like the initial symptoms - but it’s still affecting me.

I know people who have not had noticeable symptoms and others who’ve really struggled. It just seems random. Exercise and fitness levels prior seem to have little protective effect, it just being luck of the draw how it’s going to hit you.

I think what’s additionally hard about peri, is that it can come at a generally stressful time of life, presuming it happens in late 40s/50s. Children leaving home, ill parents, coming to terms with aging etc.

I’m happy with my life at the moment, but regarding my body, this is the roughest I’ve ever felt for a prolonged period.

Some excellent points made here. In our area, the GPs seem to be sympathetic and we don’t have to fight for HRT. One friend did need referring as she had a family history of breast cancer, but once her risk was quantified she was given the HRT. No woman should suffer and accept that it is an inevitable part of life!

Just me that feels like a crazed, people hating, angry scarecrow then! i’m hating it.

Agree that it’s absolutely fine now, but due to HRT so I do think it’s good that younger women are made aware of the many and varied symptoms so that they can access medication if they need it. I’m 50 now and loving life, the least depressed/anxious I’ve felt in many years, trying new things, raging sex drive, lovely relationship with a younger man.

But a few years ago before HRT it was a very different story and I honestly wished I was dead.

I do have some irreversible changes to my vulva/clitoris that I wish I’d been aware of before it happened, although testosterone has helped with that.

I know that I’m adding extra health risks medicating for menopause (but also hopefully guarding somewhat against osteoporosis and dementia which both run in my family) so it’s a risk well worth taking for me.

I had varied experiences of childbirth too, one a lot harder than the next two - I wouldn’t start a thread saying “people who’ve had awful experiences of birth shouldn’t go scaring mums to be by talking about it”. We all understand that everyone is different and that “not all women” etc.

Im sure your certificate of achievement is in the post op. Well done you. 🙄

This has also been my experience with a couple of friends who will not seek proper help, One friend in particular has given to up her job and really struggles with anxiety. But her GP said she is ‘too young for menopause’ and sent her on her way. She’s a trained nurse but very much ‘doctor knows best’ and refuses to seek and pay for better support. It’s really sad.