To think the perimenopause years aren’t necessarily all doom and gloom

[chillidoritto]

Just that really! I’m in the peri (late 40s) and was dreading it after reading some peoples’
experiences!

Reassuringly, neither myself nor my friendship group have had any dreadful experiences! Symptoms have been manageable, especially with HRT! I still enjoy a normal social life, normal sex life, hold down a stressful job and most importantly still enjoy life just as much if not more!

I am absolutely NOT dismissing the bad time some women have, just saying it’s not an inevitability. Maybe the HRT is saving us, in which case it is a God send!

Yes. Perimenopause is the transition and one can have periods throughout, something that many GPs don't seem to realise.

Perimenopause can take anywhere from a months/a year to a decade. For those over 50, menopause is reached once the individual has had an entire calendar year without a period. For those under 50, it's two entire calendar years. I went into perimenopause at 40/41 and at 45 was two years post menopause.

Some sail through it all without so much as a hot flush and just realise one day they've not hard a period for over a year. Lucky, lucky them!

That's completely incorrect. Menopause is a one-day event - the time at which your periods have permanently ceased (usually counted as a year after your last period, I think). After that, you are post-menopausal. Perimenopause is the time leading up to menopause, which can last for years, and can include many different symptoms caused by the fluctuation of hormones. You can continue having periods (regular or becoming increasingly irregular) right through perimenopause.

I am having some nightmares, but I have also been blessed with the lovely art of no longer giving a F**k about a lot of things and going off on my own adventures. Which has included taking an almost 4 year listing overseas (within EU) for work and living alone for the first time ever. And had already gained a level of self-confidence to overshadow my crippling self-esteem issues.

Still very happily married, "eat" dinner with DH most nights via FaceTime and regular visits between us. Dd learned some respect when I wasn't there to sort everything so we are also on better terms.

But while HRT has helped some things, I have moved into "internal furnace" mode since mid-May (before it got hot in reality) - which means I finally understand the joy of a cold shower 🤣

I voted YABU because it's very well saying it's easy to manage your peri symptoms when you're in your late 40s, but for those of us who get there earlier, we struggle with getting medical help on top of whatever symptoms. Went through menopause before I turned 40 and it was only with the benefit of hindsight that I realised that the mood-swing hell I went through in my 30s was perimenopause. Maybe if all the info that has been made available in the last couple of years had been mainstream even 10 years ago, I might have been able to get help not antidepressants. Or maybe not. Doctors seem reluctant to consider it if they think you're too young...

All I said was "it doesn't sound like" perimenopause as PP is having regular periods and no symptoms.
I don't think I was completely incorrect.

Of course not! Quite a few of us never even noticed that there was such a thing as "perimenopause" (I'm late 50s, but I still don't really know what it is). Also, lots of women never have any need of HRT.
I'll say it again - we're all different. The problem is that media (and particularly anyone with a commercial interest) try to push all the doom and gloom about middle-age for women. It's actually pretty anti-women to assume that we all need to be treated with kid gloves, and normal life stages be medicalised.

I'm 40 and suspect I'm in early peri (night sweats, insomnia, brain fog, irritability, extreme moods) but it's hard to know if it's that or PMDD.. or my anxiety... or my ADHD..

OP, I really appreciate this thread, thank you. I’m 48, haven’t noticed whether I’m in perimenopause yet because I’m still on the pill, and have been absolutely dreading having to come off it next year because of all the horror stories and doom and gloom. I’m just starting to take my head out of the sand and think, maybe it’ll be ok, maybe I can get a mirena coil, maybe it doesn’t have to be a gigantic juggernaut that will ruin my life. Hearing the positive side is really important, imo.

Yes this is what I was saying too! Someone with no symptoms and regular periods at 49 is not (yet) in a position to say 'perimenopause is fine for me'... it may not have started yet!

And even if you’re not OK, HRT works for a lot of people!

Im having a great time!😃
Sure I am on HRT for insomnia and joint pain but I also got rid of my PMDD meaning I lost 100Ibs in weight and no longer suffer from binge eating, mood swings and depression. I feel like a new woman and am def happier now then I was in my 20s or 30s.

It really is fascinating how too much or not enough hormones can alter your personality, lifestyle and general health.
and yet for years its just been 'womens' problems' and brushed under the carpet!

I am relieved to read this.
I always thought that for the majority of women, peri menopause started at around mid forties but have heard from so many saying it's around late thirties and that you will start to experience hot flushes, irregular periods, start smelling bad and brain fog, can barely function by the time you are 40.
Glad to see a different view on here and that you can be healthy and live a good life after the age of 35.

As a 39 year old woman I am relieved to read this, so thank you OP! I hope I am one of the lucky ones when the time comes 🤞🏻

Don't you just want to THROTTLE the people who tell you all you need to sail through is a vegan diet and a spot of positive thinking.

Yup, that's just what I need to sort out my atrophied vagina and suicidal ideation.

You didn't mention lack of symptoms, you just mentioned periods. But I see now that you were responding to a poster who said they'd had no symptoms as well.as still having periods.

The thing about menopause is it’s a total lottery. Some people find it very difficult, others barely notice it. But we’re luckier today because we do talk about it, it’s more visible than it was and no longer a source of shame. Which means it’s easier to anticipate and prepare for.

There are things you can do to manage it. HRT obviously (and for me it’s the difference between nightmarish and tolerable). Exercise is a godsend. Stopping or radically cutting down alcohol. These three things have made perimenopause pretty OK for me; I am fairly sure I would have found it much harder without HRT. I can’t stress enough how much difference stopping drinking has made for me.

Above all it’s not the end of life as we know it. It’s another phase of life and it has it’s challenges but you can and will get through it.

You are probably OK because you're on HRT though, aren't you? Sorry to be a negative ninny, but wont you have to come off it one day?

Yup. I mean... it's fair enough to suggest things that you've tried and which have helped (Ashwagandha switched off my anxiety like a light). But some people come across as though they think other women just aren't trying hard enough if they can't get through it on a combination of earth mother vibes, moral fibre and quinoa.

No, some women stay on it for life. Others choose to come off it. It just depends!

I drink (probably more than I should at weekends only) and I’m not vegan! I do exercise and I’m finding I’m much more motivated to do that since starting HRT!

I think medical opinion is still very divided about HRT. Orthopaedics def recommend it though!

I think medical opinion is still very divided about HRT.

It does seem to be, and it’s very difficult to know who to listen to when we know how utterly misogynistic so many medical opinions are. Are the ones saying it should be more readily available and women can take it safely for life the ones with our best interests at heart? I’m inclined to think so, but that’s based on my experience of contraception, and zero medical knowledge.

I think the women’s healthcare can be very much a lottery. It’s worrying that some women are being refused HRT or are being put off / encouraged to see how it goes!

Yup. Quite cheerfully

Especially when you see an OP who should have said get HRT at the first sign of peri and you might get through it fine. Rather than it's nothing to fear like the horror stories.

Try doing the fucker with nothing and then come back and say it's grand.

@chillidoritto

I think medical opinion is still very divided about HRT. Orthopaedics def recommend it though!

There was a study in a medical paper about 30 years ago which found an elevated risk of cancer for people taking HRT but it was a very small increase on what was already a low base risk. It got blown hugely out of proportion and a lot of doctors recommended against it for many years out of over caution. Classic medical scare. If you have had cancer or are at high risk of having cancer it’s still contraindicated most of the time.

But medical opinion has over time come around to the idea that the benefits for most women outweigh the risks. There’s quite a lively debate going on about whether it may offer some protection against cognitive decline and dementia. Still inconclusive but interesting.

The more I learn about HRT the more of a good thing I think it is.

I was sailing through until I was 49, then it hit me hard at 51. Crippling anxiety, depression, insomnia, joint ache, tinnitus the list goes on.... Periods became erratic 3 months without any then floods for a month. Ive started HRT and I'm still trying to find the right balance, thinking of starting continuous as I'm calmer on the utrogeston. I've stepped down from a very stressful job role which I'm relieved about.

I lost the ability to sleep and nearly lost my marbles. HRT saved my life I think.