To think the perimenopause years aren’t necessarily all doom and gloom

[chillidoritto]

Just that really! I’m in the peri (late 40s) and was dreading it after reading some peoples’
experiences!

Reassuringly, neither myself nor my friendship group have had any dreadful experiences! Symptoms have been manageable, especially with HRT! I still enjoy a normal social life, normal sex life, hold down a stressful job and most importantly still enjoy life just as much if not more!

I am absolutely NOT dismissing the bad time some women have, just saying it’s not an inevitability. Maybe the HRT is saving us, in which case it is a God send!

There are some angry and bitter posts on here from a handful of posters.

Some women DO have an easy menopause, and sail through it without incident. I know a number of women who have barely known they were going through menopause. They shouldn't have to pretend otherwise because some other women had a hard time, and they shouldn't have to apologise for it either.

Why are some posters who had a hard time through menopause so resentful of those who had it fairly easy? Why would you not be pleased that others didn't suffer?

@chillidoritto YANBU. Younger women DO need to be told that not every woman is going to have a tough time during menopause!

Me too. And many women have had breast cancer and can’t take HRT.

So the ‘take HRT and you’ll be fine’ posts are quite annoying. My sleep was awful anyway and now I’m waking about 5 times a night dripping in sweat..

I eat well, exercise about 6 times a week, limit alcohol, am slim, don’t smoke. Not actually sure what else I can do..

For those who sail through// you do still need to consider that the lack of oestrogen will cause metabolic changes. So blood pressure goes up, we are more prone to store fat around our middle, the risk of heart disease goes up, dementia…. HRT can help that for those lucky ones who can take it.

Isn’t the OP on HRT? Why would she be if she didn’t have any symptoms? And by her posts she clearly doesn’t understand that many women cannot take HRT - not that they choose not to, they can’t.

Yes OP the HRT is saving you. And you are very lucky you can take it. Go off and be joyful.

I hear you. And having to go through cancer, chemo and then suffer through menopause whilst everyone raves about HRT is tough.

I'm not saying for a second that they shouldn't be listened to - and more importantly, get help and support! But women shouldn't believe that a hellish time is an inevitability!

When did I say I didn't have symptoms?!

I don't think women who share their personal struggles with menopause, child birth, pmdd or anything that impacts their quality of life take 'delight' in sharing what they are going through with anyone. I haven't I've been mostly looking for help, reassurance and solidarity.

I think the title is misleading then. As if you had symptoms that were debilitating enough to warrant taking HRT then you must understand that if you couldn’t take HRT then it would be much tougher for you?

Your title should be - Perimenopause is not all doom and gloom with HRT.

As an aside I know many women don’t have debilitating symptoms (though there will be changes happening that they can’t see) but that is not what your initial post says.

I don’t think people are scaremongering. Women still have to fight for HRT. They are offered antidepressants and sleeping pills instead. The more noise the better. It is obvious that many women are fine - as they always have been. But finally those that have life changing symptoms may be able to get help.

Fair point. I wouldn’t say my symptoms were debilitating but I was worried they would become worse so asked for HRT at the first sign.

Just champion HRT. If you really want to see if you sail through, you could always stop for a year and then come back to tell us how it's been for you.

I don't think it's the people themselves but the media/social media is definitely skewed towards sharing negative stories. I agree that it's better nowadays that peri and menopause are talked about more openly, but it would be good have a balance of information and stories. I, like the OP, have seen it as something to absolutely dread and have been bracing myself for my life to be completely ruined once I'm in my 40s and dealing with it. I'm grateful to hear that there is some hope that I might be lucky and have minimal/no debilitating symptoms. I'd had no idea that a third of women have no issues, and a third have only mild symptoms!

I'm not sure how the media bias can be changed though as, like a pp said, it's human nature to share negative stories more than positive ones (across any subject).

There’s an interesting podcast about this on Zoe (I’m not generally a fan of Zoe but they have 2 experts on this one).

It covers HRT, nutrition (and admits dietary changes are not enough for some women though they can help), strength training (very important to offset loses in muscle mass and bone density).

It highlights the woeful lack of information and research in to this area. That’s GPs spend hardly any time studying menopause when they are doing their degrees.

Eduction is power. Perimenopause can last up to 10 years. The average age of menopause is 52 (48 in Asian women). This means women as young as their late 30s can be suffering symptoms.

I’m happy with my choice for now! Just like a wouldn’t struggle through a bad cold without Sudafed and ibuprofen!

Interestingly, it is thought by some that certain types of cancer shouldn’t prevent women taking HRT. I think it’s a very underfunded area tbh.

You are lucky you were able to get HRT. It's taken me a decade to finally get it, that's a decade of being a nervous wreck and failing in every area of my life. And a lot of shouting.

That’s awful! What excuses did they give? I really don’t know why some GPs are so against it!

That’s the point though. Sadly many doctors still won’t give out HRT. Women are having to fight for it. So having conversations around how debilitating symptoms are is not scaremongering - it’s necessary. Nothing will change otherwise.
.
I wasn’t scared - I could see all around me that some of my friends were ok and others weren’t. I talked to my Mum about her menopause, I did research

It’s obvious to me that perimenopause will affect everyone differently.

It’s like refusing pain killers to someone who has a bad back though?

Maybe. It's more "like" a cash strapped understaffed healthcare system that exists within a patriarchal society where health issues that don't directly kill women are not prioritised. Now that women are, eventually, starting to talk about these issues they then get told to stop, that it's not so bad really, and don't you know that you might be upsetting the poor young maidens who are coming up on your heels if you dare question the dNHS.

Absolutely, I didn't hear horror stories from my mother or grandmother. I experienced them they struggled so badly with symptoms they were put on mental health wards. I'm not saying this is my fate, however I've suffered with increased anxiety and depression but I'm fully aware of why, and I've educated myself so I can hopefully avoid that happening to me.

I'm so sorry that happened to your mum and your gran. I'm also sad that they and other women weren't able to share their knowledge, wisdom and experience previously. Who knows how many of us over the years could have taken steps to understand and demand alleviation from our difficulties, if the taboo had been lifted.

I can well believe it now. Past few weeks the hot flushes have ramped up to unbearable levels and I'm fucking seeing things that aren't there. The first couple of times I dismissed it but I'm a bit freaked out now so have actually got an appointment with a GP. I think I alarmed the receptionist a bit.

I can well believe people being admitted to a mental health ward if that's the sort of shit you have to put up with.

I didn't really think they were connected until I had an idle Google. Apparently can happen albeit not common. A bit relieved I'm not cracking up like. Was thinking I was being haunted or something.

Another person who was semi dreading menopause: it's been 100 days since my last (confession!!!) period, at 45 I must be in late stage perimenopause. Have only experienced manageable symptoms so far, mild hot flushes, chin hair growth, dry skin. Long may the mild symptoms continue. I guess it's a lottery, like many things in life.