to not understand how the fuck people manage it

[gymwhentheduck]

Full time worker, toddler at home, husband who works late... how the hell do people manage to keep fit and go to the gym?! 😭

I want to lose about a stone, maybe stone and a half max.

I've joined a gym and I've managed to go once in 2 months.

Work Mon - Friday, self employed but in a very very busy environment so literally don't stop from the minute I get in at 8am to rhe minute I leave at 5pm. Nursery closes at 6pm, husband not home until approx 6-6:30 each evening.

After collecting toddler it's tea, bath and in pjs and me and DH tackle bed time together. After that it's our tea at about 7:30, finally sitting down to wind down at about 8:30pm.

I am so exhausted and just feel so deflated that it feels absolutely impossible to fit any meaningful form of exercise into my day to day life.

Could potentially ask family to pick up from nursery a few times a week but then get the awful mum guilt of "am I not spending any time with DC though if I do that?!"

How do people do it 😭

And yes I'm aware I guess I could go off to the gym at 9pm so partly me being lazy, but quite honestly by that point I'm a zombie.

I feel so deflated and like I'll never lose anything.

Usually I get up at 5 to exercise before kids get up. If I go through a season where I cant get to bed early (kids erratic sleep) and will not be able to get up early I shift schedule and exercise in the evening before bedtime routine. Previously I was able to work out at lunch and there were seasons where there other priorities and I only exercised at the weekend.
Saying that just staying active and movement is important so walking at lunch, walking with kids to playground and chasing them instead of sitting down, choosing stairs instead of lift... it all ads up!
We all have same 24h in a day its up to you to prioritise and focus on what you need to get done so something else will have to give. I have zero social life and I quit watching TV and get food shopping delivered so that's at least 5h of my time I got back. Good luck!

Would it be safe/practical to cycle? Once your muscles get used to cycling, it's surprising how quickly you get places! Especially if your driving route has lots of traffic.

Other children? So the bigger picture is that the domestic load is potentially significantly bigger than just three of you?

Are they step children or is there an opportunity to get some extra support from them.

If funds allow, I'd just book in personal training. Nothing like paying in advance for something that you will lose if you don't show to get your ass there. It's the only thing that's ever worked for me too as there is ALWAYS something that needs doing at home.

I also found that a really late gym session meant that I skipped dinner at home and ate something appropriate before leaving work though you could eat with your toddler. Leave DH to sort himself and the teens. 6.30 is not late to be getting home from work.

Try & imagine how people stayed fit before David Lloyd saw an opportunity! House work, walking the dog, pushing the pram, walking to the shops before they had a car. Walking the children to school, gardening, washing the windows….god I’m tired out just writing this!

Get up earlier? My husband was at the gym at 6am sharp and I did the kids. Or go at lunch (if you have one). Or do a home workout. Have your kid in the room with you doing a modified version if need be!
But really exercise is good for your health but it's what you eat that counts with weight.

I have a very similar situation! 2 year old toddler, I leave for work about 6.30/6.45, work through my breaks and lunch and then pick toddler up from nursery. OH gets home at 7pm earliest then it's tea and bedtime routine and I'm absolutely too tired by the time I've sat down after that.

I've started going to the gym for 6am and having 45-60 minutes before work (I shower there too) but it is hard, particularly when my son wakes a lot in the night as he will only settle for me.

Could going before you start work be a possibility?

So, what you actually have is a husband problem. Lazy partner, lazy father. Did he not think he has to change his lifestyle and work pattern at all when he had a baby?

this needs serious discusaion. You need to sit down and discuss how he isn't pulling his weight, as a husband, a partner and a father and things need to change immediately.

have everything listed so you stay on topic and factual, not emotional or reactive.

housework
parenting
free time

What is he going to do?

Walk at home videos have done wonders for me in the past. I lost 10 kilos in 6 months using walk at home as suggested by a friend. She lost half her body weight in 1 year with walking videos and healthy eating.

Gosh I miss the gym post baby! I try and stay fit by cycling to/from work and getting out for a run/cycle occasionally at weekend.

Both DH and I put our toddler to bed. I feel like I see her so little I don't wanna miss out at the moment. Then we are both shattered by 7.30 pm

I exercise in front of TV- seriously, there are AMAZING fitness chanlles out there on YT and some you have to pay a small subscriptions elsewhere, happy to sned pointers, but I find it so much more fun that going to the gym now, and you can even set yourself up in the garden with a laptop! You dont even need weights although I have a set of 3kg and 5kg and a roller for some stuff.

Not what you've asked op, but after a very difficult few years I was able to go to the doctors and look after myself enough to ask if my tiredness was normal tiredness of working and 3 kids and life stress and found out Im very anemic. That falling asleep every afternoon and lacking motivation wasn't just me and getting older it was chemical! I'm on strong irl tablets now and feel so much more like myself and motivated. Might be worth checking out.

Cut yourself some slack. You are in a hard but temporary phase. I felt like this and then sleep finally improved when my son was three and after a few months of no longer being a zombie, I could do exercise and didn't need to eat to stay awake/alive. Losing weight was much easier at that point.

Dh gets up at 5 to go before work. I go in the day if I get chance but also at 7pm as dh gets in 630.

Can you not go when your dh gets in or before he leaves for work

I've done home workouts when DH was working late.

But I think for morale and accountability and a more social form of exercise it probably is better to arrange stuff with a friend or commit to a class, outside of the house. It's much easier to give up or miss a session if you're relying on your own willpower.

And being in the house could give DH or toddler the idea you're available for them, going out and separating that time/space for yourself, means not getting distracted or sucked into thinking you ought to be doing something else

I used to go to a class at 6am, if that’s an option. Or you take the night off bedtime a few times a week and go as soon as your husband gets back, then come home and have dinner then shower etc.

Just vile that 4 weeks wasn't it 😂

Focus on food, get steps in or cycle commuteand some weights to do at home

Full time worker, toddler at home, husband who works late... how the hell do people manage to keep fit and go to the gym?!

The only ones I know who manage in the above circumstances have partners that don’t have much hobby time/happy to not go out and they also prioritise the gym over all other social activities.

My situation is different, but I get the issue around bedtime as DS has always been difficult. When he was little though it did help if I wasn't there, he'd settle with much less fuss.

You've got too much on your plate right now for regular gym-based exercise, @gymwhentheduck ! Something has to give.

Focus on healthy eating.
Vegetables and protein - Mediterranean diet.
Ditch UPF, sugar, refined carbs.

Short, easy workouts at home (YouTube).
Lucy Wyndham Read - very calm and perfect first beginners.
Yoga with Kassandra. Better than Adrienne IMO.
Rebecca Louise if you're feeling a bit more energetic.

Plus things you can do while you are waiting for the kettle to boil.
Jumping jacks and the like.
Running on the spot.
Stretches.
Planks.

As other people have said, diet is more important than exercise. My fitness has slid a bit now as well :-( but when I was really on it, I'd have a couple of longer training sessions anytime I could carve out a a break, so I had to be flexible. Then making the most of any bits of time I had, so e.g. quickly power-walking around the block if I arrived somewhere 10 minutes early. Getting off the bus a stop previous to mine, or doing some kind of active travel where possible. Taking the stairs at work. I have an exercise bike, which is always handy, but running gives you the most bang for your buck, even if it's only 15 minutes.

Don't bother with the gym, I say that as someone who loves exercise and does some form each day. It gets easier, bed times get easier, they play independently more often, it's not a priority now. Weight loss is largely led by diet

@gymwhentheduck , How far away is the nursery? Is taking your toddler there in a running buggy or seat on the back of a bike an option? That way, you would be turning pick up and drop off into exercise for you rather than trying to find space in your day for a separate gym session.

I have tea with my children then go at 7.30 when the youngest goes to bed. I am exhausted by that time and don't make it every evening but the evenings I do I end up feeling a lot better after it. The getting there is hard but it is the only time I get to myself so I enjoy it once I'm there and it really lifts my mood.

Go to the gym at 20:30. Beforehand you really won’t want to but afterwards you’ll be pumped up and energised but will also sleep better.

I regularly go to an activity at that time and seriously CBA but it’s something i do with a group so i can’t back out last min. I’m always glad I went afterwards