to not understand how the fuck people manage it

[gymwhentheduck]

Full time worker, toddler at home, husband who works late... how the hell do people manage to keep fit and go to the gym?! 😭

I want to lose about a stone, maybe stone and a half max.

I've joined a gym and I've managed to go once in 2 months.

Work Mon - Friday, self employed but in a very very busy environment so literally don't stop from the minute I get in at 8am to rhe minute I leave at 5pm. Nursery closes at 6pm, husband not home until approx 6-6:30 each evening.

After collecting toddler it's tea, bath and in pjs and me and DH tackle bed time together. After that it's our tea at about 7:30, finally sitting down to wind down at about 8:30pm.

I am so exhausted and just feel so deflated that it feels absolutely impossible to fit any meaningful form of exercise into my day to day life.

Could potentially ask family to pick up from nursery a few times a week but then get the awful mum guilt of "am I not spending any time with DC though if I do that?!"

How do people do it 😭

And yes I'm aware I guess I could go off to the gym at 9pm so partly me being lazy, but quite honestly by that point I'm a zombie.

I feel so deflated and like I'll never lose anything.

You can definitely fit this in.

I have 3Dc and work a normal job plus weekly charity volunteer. So I am busy.

• You go the moment your husband steps in the door. (And alternate with him if he wants to do something)
• You use a slow cooker and one of you throws in some beef, chicken or whatever before you go to work. So for tea that night- meat is cooked. Add salad and a bag of microwave rice. - Healthy.

• Instead of sitting down eating snacks as you said! You’ll have already been to the gym, you then are definitely more motivated to eat better. It does go hand in hand.
• Diet is the quicker way to lose weight BUT being active is so good for you mentally and physically.

If you are serious about this you can easily fit it in if your husband gets home at 6:30.

Find a good podcast that you’re really into, and listen to that in the gym.

Options-
join a gym with a crèche and go on a weekend morning together.
peleton or home work out for 30mins before dinner, straight after bedtime.
alternate evenings doing bedtime (personally I much prefer doing bedtime together!!)
running buggy?
find a toddler football class for Saturdays. Husband can watch the class while
you play tennis/ run/ do a boot camp in the park.
take toddler swimming together. Take turns swimming lengths.

its not easy! You need to be creative and start small to work out what works for you.

I Use the peleton when I can, but it’s hard going when I’m exhausted!

Depending on what work you do could you get a walking pad to use whilst you’re working?

With regards to bedtime, stop letting your child dictate who they want. Take it turns and tell them tonight is daddy’s turn to put you to bed mummy is going to the gym.

go on the weekend first thing in the morning so it’s done and you can’t put it off.

walk to more place that you would usually drive to. The park, shops, friends etc.

I go before work.

So you don't want to go to the gym. The people that go to the gym go because they want to.

Your husband doesn't work late, you don't need to "tackle" bedtime together, you don't have to eat so late and you could get up early if you wanted to and also go at the weekend.

The reason you don't go to the gym is because you don't want to!

Only way I managed it when I was juggling pre school kids, commuting and husband working was to do HIIT at home. Worked though, I couldn't get to a gym regularly (when DH was working away) until my kids were old enough to leave alone. It did what I needed to keep fit and healthy, was just a bit boring!

But just to agree with others that dieting is much more about diet, I've lost weight without upping my exercise.

I don't work full time but I found once my youngest got that bit older (around age 4) I found it much easier to have some more freedom for fitness. I joined a sports team and love it and the kids come to watch etc

I couldn’t manage it. I tried a few times during toddler years and could only seem to do once a week which isn’t worth paying a membership for. Realistically for me, it only added to the to do list and stress so I quit. Now the youngest is 6 and DH and I both go 3 times a week - bedtimes are better, they are so much more self sufficient, they sleep and it is manageable. You’ll get there in time - toddler years are full on!!

I don't. I use an exercise bike at home, walk loads with DC, and we do lots of active stuff together.

This time shall pass. It is tough with young children and life filling work.

When I was at this point, I went to a Sat 9am exercise class, did my long run on Sunday mornings and shoehorned in whatever I could in the week, either a short run or a 20 min video early or late in the day.

Exercise is well worth doing for its own health benefits, so it's great that you want to fit it in. It's also an escape from work and family if you make it out of the house.
If you're wanting to lose weight, that will come from diet. Tiredness does make that harder as it increases stress. Getting what sleep you can and eating well will serve you better than a 4am workout anyway.

If you're generally eating well, switching portion proportions so you have more veg and protein and reduced carbs is often a productive and sustainable tweak. If you can't resist evening nibbles, switch to something healthier. Most people gain weight gradually with a slight surplus.

Do what you can manage in this phase of life, and over time things will ease up and become more flexible.

Can you get out for an evening walk on your own...you could build up to a run eventually but just starting a habit of leaving the house could help.

I'm with you on this. I haven't been able to exercise really. Occasionally a workout video. Just knackered. So I watch what I eat. Intermittent fasting helps.

After collecting toddler it's tea, bath and in pjs and me and DH tackle bed time together. After that it's our tea at about 7:30, finally sitting down to wind down at about 8:30pm.
Two or three nights a week, when dh walks in, you walk out. It doesn't matter who the child wants, he gets who is there. If one of you is out he will get that.

I understand OP. I was never a gym bunny but usually did some form of exercise once or twice a week - maybe a gym session, maybe swimming - but it has all stopped since I've had my 23mo and been back at work.

There just always seems to be something else I should be doing. If I'm not working or with my toddler, I'm seeing a friend or doing washing or putting it away, or hoovering or cleaning the bathroom, or sorting out her clothes that are too small etc etc. There is always something waiting.

I guess it's a case of prioritising it isn't it and at the moment I'm just failing to do that. And it's not helping as I feel like I look bigger than ever and that's partially probably because I've lost all toning, on top of my body changing after the baby.

What you eat will make much more of a difference to what you weigh. Going to the gym won't make you lose weight.

But exercise, any exercise, will help you get fitter. So home workouts if you really can't find the time.

It's tough.

I did the Joe wicks 12 week plan as getting to the gym, getting changed etc then getting back is too much time to fit in. It's 30 min workouts and after the hideous bodyweight 4 weeks you just need weights. I kept a set at work and there was always a 30 mins to fit in a high intensity workout without it feeling like a big time drain. Also being tired at home, just 30 mins and you cam collapse on the couch makes it more likely you'll do it. It gave me a really healthy relationship with exercise, felt achievable and now I have a one year old it's more achievable than driving to the gym for sure.

I had no chance when my kids were little and I was working in an office with a bad commute. I had to wait until the kids were old enough to be left and I go after work which finishes at 4.30.

I did no formal exercise when my DC were small, it was just too hard to fit in for those years. I did walk everywhere pushing a buggy or carrying the smallest one which was something. As they got older I went for a swim when they had swimming lessons or did a bit of stretching by the poolside (depends on the pool if this is possible or not and how embarrassed your DC get). And did yoga with Adriene on youtube at home. When they were all STTN and weaned I started swimming in the morning before work, evenings were useless because that's when they have their sporting activities.

Lots of my colleagues do exercise at lunchtime, even if it's just a short walk but sounds like your workplace might not make that possible. And agree with a PP that doing physical activities at the weekend as a family is a good option as well, and building in bits of exercise into your everyday life, e.g. I park my car about 10 minutes walk from my office rather than using a closer carpark.

I disagree that dieting is more important than exercise. Exercise has much more important and long term health effects than losing a stone in weight would have. It's good for your mental health and your physical health.

It's really hard to fit everything in once kids arrive. I try and do 6 workouts a week, 3 runs and 3 gym sessions but sometimes it's impossible because life gets in the way.

The only way it's possible is because I work part time, I use childcare in the gym and my husband doesn't work late.

To lose weight you need to cut the calories, exercise helps because you are able to eat more than you would sitting around doing nothing so if you can't gym you need to either eat much less or find a way to burn the equivalent calories.

It's really hard and I don't think it's possible for a parent to have it all, all of the time. Some weeks it might be possible to work full time, go to the gym, get your hair and nails done but some weeks you just get by working and looking after the kids. It sucks, a lot but before you know it they will be old enough to be left alone whilst you go to the gym and one day they might even be able to go with you. Just one day at a time, if you can go, great, if you can't then do be it.

My DD is almost 3, we also have two dogs - so have to walk them on my lunch breaks in the week (glad for the exercise and chance to listen to a podcast!), and then on the weekend I strap my DD to my back in a carrier and we walk them.

I also try and fit in at least some cycling on the weekend - you can combine this with chores like cycling to the shop. Since doing the cycling on the weekend, I've lost a bit of the baby weight I was still carrying.

My partner works nights 5 days a week so we barely see him until the weekend, so most chores are on me in the week - I feel you, it feels like a never ending list of things to do 😖

Forget the gym, eat a banana when toddler has tea, go out for brisk walk or a run for 20 mins when DH is doing bedtime. I promise you will feel mentally better getting into this habit x

I disagree that dieting is more important than exercise. Exercise has much more important and long term health effects than losing a stone in weight would have. It's good for your mental health and your physical health.

Nobody has said dieting is more important. They've said diet is the central lever for a goal of losing weight. Exercise is excellent for all sorts of reasons, but it won't work as the only plank of a weight loss approach.

It’s not just about weight loss?

This .. and build more incidental exercise into your every day life.
Get up to change channels.
You put out the bins, hang out the washing, mow the lawn.
Park a kilometre from work or get off a stop too early.
Go for a LONG walk on the weekend, and a gym session.

You can't have it all - either you get to earlier, go to bed later, sacrifice your lunch break or sacrifice doing some bedtimes while your DH deals with your toddler.

When I was little I remember my mum getting up super early to go to the gym and my dad would run to/from work instead of drive.