to not understand how the fuck people manage it

[gymwhentheduck]

Full time worker, toddler at home, husband who works late... how the hell do people manage to keep fit and go to the gym?! 😭

I want to lose about a stone, maybe stone and a half max.

I've joined a gym and I've managed to go once in 2 months.

Work Mon - Friday, self employed but in a very very busy environment so literally don't stop from the minute I get in at 8am to rhe minute I leave at 5pm. Nursery closes at 6pm, husband not home until approx 6-6:30 each evening.

After collecting toddler it's tea, bath and in pjs and me and DH tackle bed time together. After that it's our tea at about 7:30, finally sitting down to wind down at about 8:30pm.

I am so exhausted and just feel so deflated that it feels absolutely impossible to fit any meaningful form of exercise into my day to day life.

Could potentially ask family to pick up from nursery a few times a week but then get the awful mum guilt of "am I not spending any time with DC though if I do that?!"

How do people do it 😭

And yes I'm aware I guess I could go off to the gym at 9pm so partly me being lazy, but quite honestly by that point I'm a zombie.

I feel so deflated and like I'll never lose anything.

And im sure husband could take care of the bedtime hour on his own. He's not a helpless bairn.

I think what a few posters have said is probably right, I like the pushing water up a hill analogy. It feels exactly like that and I appreciate if I'm honest that part of that is my own mindset. I've never liked the gym even when I had all the time in the world. I don't enjoy it so it feels like a massive chore.

But I've never really allowed myself to think of the alternatives to the gym so maybe that would work better for me 🤔

Go at the weekend, or when DH gets in, or once toddler is ready for bed, at 730 ish. You don’t always have to do bedtime together.

Yes probably

It's diet that will help you lose weight not exercise although exercise will help you build muscle.
Could you get up a bit earlier and do a half hour body weight video off you tube or a weights sequence?

In the nicest possible way, your son will just have to suck it up if one of you isn't there. In my experience they just get on with it. If you are both there, they can do this stuff. They are tired and cranky by then after a day at nursery so ideally you should be handing him over bathed and full of tea for a bedtime story to your DH. Walk out the door and ignore any yelling.
That's what it's going to take if you really want to do it. You can then reciprocate with your husband if he wants to go out and do something.

It's about diet but also exercise, particularly weights.

It is a complete hamster wheel at this age. It does get better albeit another child prolongs it.

What I would say is that doing everything together won't do your son or yourselves any favours. You both need some headspace if your son is going to get the best of you. Don't underestimate the impact of never having time out will have on how irritable and short tempered you can be with him and your DH

You are completely ruthless and you set time aside that is sacrosanct.

I do ParkRun - Saturday morning, 8.30-10am and a martial arts class 4.45 on Sunday. Then it's early morning run or home gym.

I used to go to the gym at 5:30am twice a week and on my lunch break twice a week. Id also do a long session on one weekend day (take turns between DH and I). So managed 6x a week. If work were super busy and I couldn’t get away at lunch, the worst was 3x a week.

DH and I would take turns dropping at nursery.

If you can, create a home gym. Invest in one cardio machine (I’ve heard that Pelaton bikes are good but they are expensive), or a treadmill. This is by no means necessary but will help you with cardio, if you want to shift weight quickly. Then buy yourself a set of weights (1.5kg, 2kg, 3kg, 5kg), a yoga mat and two yoga blocks.

Make part of one room your “gym” and create a crèche that is separate from the workout area - so you can keep an eye on your little one while working out.

You can then play workout videos as this will help you get the most out of your workouts. I’d recommend Les Mills (you need to pay a monthly subscription for their videos but they have an excellent library of workouts), alternatively MadFit or PopSugar Fitness on YouTube are fantastic (and free!), and a lot of their videos don’t require any equipment either.

Also - to encourage you to keep to a fitness routine, add your workouts to your calendar so they become a thing that is a part of your day. I’d recommend a 5am workout if you can manage an early start, or, 30-45 mins as soon as you get back from work.

Good luck!! Hope you get into a routine that works for you.

Also, we always ate dinner together. Having two seperate dinners- one for you and one for child just add unecessary time and work.

Please find exercise you enjoy, it's so much easier! I hate the gym but love doing martial arts three times a week.

Most offer a free class, some councils offer free outdoor classes (look up Our Parks), with ClassPass you can do a couple for £5. I'd stick to the weekend with your schedule. Maybe Parkrun with a pushchair would work for you?

Take turns doing bedtime. If you don't like the gym go out for a walk for an hour with a podcast, good for your health and your mind. You'll feel better for it.
Also why would you need to get up at 4am for the gym? That just ridiculous.
You could roll out of bed at 6, so half an hour downstairs be showered by 7.

YouTube is your friend. Work Ft, toddler and older kid. We make/plan meals for Mon to Thurs and squeeze a YouTube workout whenever you can.....Caroline Girvan, Joe Wicks, HIIT (quick!) type stuff, defo get kettlebells to go for strength and toning too. You can start with 6kg or 8kg and pick these up in Asda or Aldi.
Sometimes my kids watch me, and "join in", sometimes they're in bed (first thing or early eve).

Also watch what I eat and tend to follow 16:8 through the week. The jury's out on the evidence but psychologically I've always preferred fasted work outs , so will tend to try and work out in the AM.
When out and about, walk, park far away, use stairs not lifts...it all works on the burn. It easier said than done but you just need to make it routine and not a chore.

Sorry about the sleep stuff in your last post(just seen this before I sent)....just get a much sleep as you can for now. However, and you may or may not like , go to the gym at toddler's bedtime, so they're not reliant on you exclusively. It's absolutely fine to leave parenting to their other parent, helps toddler understand/trust others at bed too. I've done this with mine and she's settled ok too...it is hard though, I know...all the best.

Your teenagers are very much relevant to this situation because they should also be mucking in with chores.

What about the weekends, could you fit in two early morning workouts or a swim then?

Agree with pps that diet and fasting is the key to taking weight off, exercise is about maintaining that, building muscle, and toning. Low carb and higher protein worked better for me, plus not eating in the evening (hard I know when you're stressed).

You could buy a small running/walking board to use at home on weekday mornings/evenings, they fit under a bed or sofa if you are short on space. And any hill walks are good, you get the benefit of a workout on your legs and exercise in the fresh air.

You don’t like the gym so you will never prioritise it. Cancel your membership. Go for a 20 min run every day instead. You can find 20 mins in your day. Or join classpass and find some fun classes to try out. I do spinning, yoga, Pilates, boxing, whatever takes my fancy that week.

But most of all keep a food diary and track what you eat on MyFitnessPal. I know you said you eat relatively healthy but I bet you eat too many carbs and sugar (no judgement, I also do when I’m just trying to get through the day!). Once you start tracking you’ll see easy things to cut down on which will probably reduce your calorie intake by around 500 per day without much effort.

If you want to lose weight you have to focus on your food. If you have a fairly healthy diet already, cut down on portion size, snacks & alcohol. This will deliver more results in weight loss than any gym membership.

Re. exercise - my DH & I work FT and DH gets back late. We do our exercise in the morning. Get up at 5:45, if DH is going for a run, I will do a work out from the internet (I subscribe to instructor live as I get a discount from work). Or vice versa, I will go for a run and he will work out at home.

We do not have time to go to the gym so we try to do what we can.
It's sometime hard to get up at that time but I always feel a lot better when I have finished my exercise.

I don't see that as excuses, don't be so hard on yourself! As you say, your LO is going through a rough patch with sleep and it's hard but it does get better as they get older.

If I was you I would try tracking your calories. I've just lost 2 stone in 3 months by working out my BMR on here tdeecalculator.net and then using the Nutracheck app to track calories. I haven't cut out any food groups at all. I've also been doing walking workouts (check out Get Fit With Rick on YouTube) which I actually really enjoy. You can do 10 min workouts up to 30 mins depending on what time of day you have.

Leave the gym until you're at a point where DH can deal with a few bedtimes on his own so you can escape!

Honestly, think about at home workouts. Have you exercised much in the past? I did a lot of Pilates pre-kids and now like to do online sessions, I've also picked up some weight training online. I wouldn't have done this if it was my first time doing exercise because I think there is a risk of injury if you don't know what good form 'feels' like, but if you do it's perfectly possible to find 15-20 minutes every day. In your day, I'd fit it in either before your dinner or in the morning before work.

I used to feel like you about exercise but this has really worked for me. I've stuck with it for over a year now and feel strong - and (mostly) look forward to it. You have to get over the hump of not enjoying it and as your body gets stronger, you will.

What does your husband do, exercise-wise? Does he have time to prioritise it? Or other hobbies? If he does, you should too.

My husband gets up at 4:45 and goes to the gym, I wake up at 5:30 and go for a run when he gets home. Kids wake about 6 to 6:30.
We both work full time.

Try the Joe wicks app. I went from a size 12 to a size 8 in 2 months with his 90 day plan after first DC. Then got pregnant again and could basically only eat carbs or was sick whilst pregnant.
I'm now doing a work out at 5.30am 4 days a week and eating the food plan. DC are 2 and 5 (5 year old has sleep issues and possibly neurodiverse). It's the only time I get to do this and actually feel better once I've done it. It's only 25 mins and my eating has massively improved. My DH does it too when he has time which helps motivate me too

I did the Joe Wicks plan when I had two babies and worked full time. It was 1x 25 minute home workout 4x a week. Much more focused on food. I lost loads of weight. I've only just re-joined the gym now they are nearly 4 and 5. I'd defo look at the Joe Wicks plan, I used to squeeze the exercise in when they napped or sometimes in the room with me!

You have to find something that works with your lifestyle.
I'm a single parent so getting to the gym is also a childcare issue for me, in the evenings I'm tired and just want to relax too so I do home workouts as soon as I get home from work as I know I won't do it otherwise.
For your situation it sounds like home workouts, simplifying the cooking and one parent putting child to bed will help.
For the cooking, either make something simple and easy for toddler or cook one meal for all of you even if you eat separately, either you and husband re-heat or toddler eats a version of the previous days meal reheated.
For the bedtime, I understand why it is the way it is but being more consistent and whichever parent is doing it that night being able to soothe the child and the other parent not having to go up will be beneficial for all of you.

Also find exercise you enjoy doing to make it easier, losing weight is mainly cardio so HIT, dance workouts etc, have you tried workout with Jo for something gentler to ease you in?