to not understand how the fuck people manage it

[gymwhentheduck]

Full time worker, toddler at home, husband who works late... how the hell do people manage to keep fit and go to the gym?! 😭

I want to lose about a stone, maybe stone and a half max.

I've joined a gym and I've managed to go once in 2 months.

Work Mon - Friday, self employed but in a very very busy environment so literally don't stop from the minute I get in at 8am to rhe minute I leave at 5pm. Nursery closes at 6pm, husband not home until approx 6-6:30 each evening.

After collecting toddler it's tea, bath and in pjs and me and DH tackle bed time together. After that it's our tea at about 7:30, finally sitting down to wind down at about 8:30pm.

I am so exhausted and just feel so deflated that it feels absolutely impossible to fit any meaningful form of exercise into my day to day life.

Could potentially ask family to pick up from nursery a few times a week but then get the awful mum guilt of "am I not spending any time with DC though if I do that?!"

How do people do it 😭

And yes I'm aware I guess I could go off to the gym at 9pm so partly me being lazy, but quite honestly by that point I'm a zombie.

I feel so deflated and like I'll never lose anything.

And I know I could get up at 4am and go for a jog but in all honestly I just cannot be bothered after a night of consoling DS, I am so tired.

Aware I'm making up excuses! 🙈

I've never been to the gym, you don't need to go to a gym to lose weight. It's more about your diet than exercise. You need to find some exercise you actually enjoy, and can do at the weekend, then look at your diet. Having a child has been a great motivation for us to have a healthy diet as we share our meals with them.

Not young children anymore, but I fit in two sports training sessions a week by going training which starts at 7pm and eating later.
It's the only way I can fit it in by adjusting normal routine of dinner. And I tend to have a lighter meal as it's close to 9pm when I finally sit down after showering.

Can you go as soon as your DP gets in? He does bedtime routine and come back to have dinner after your workout.

Or if you need to be there at bedtime go afterwards. That's what I used to do when mine were little.

In terms of exercise I'd agree that you don't need to do bedtime together with DH. If you swap you'd both get some free time which you could use to exercise a couple of evenings a week. Then presumably on one weekend day you could also go. Also look at your diet and try to do outdoorsy things as a family so you are all active on the weekend. I'd also agree that you should eat together as a family and this will also save you time. Start a routine and stick to it.

Rather than do bed together why not pick a day a week for each of you to do your own thing so he gets home early one day a week or you just head out as he comes in. Have a dinner done....cook one meal for all of you rather than 2, eat together better for lo and less work. Or if it's too late for lo do something you can just reheat either for lo tomorrow or you later.

Give yourself a break. Exercise is important, but it’s not all that happens. However, you will have more energy if you go to the gym though so don’t write it off. My running club starts at 8pm

Honestly don't do bedtime together. You go to the gym while dh puts the kid to bed. Doesn't sound like bedtime is a dream as it is so letting one tackle it alone is fine.
Also go at the weekend? Or eat tea early and go after bedtime?

If your not in he can't play you like this. Stop his game say no it just daddy tonight/ just me tonight....it's a delaying tactic look at gradual withdrawal

Exactly this. I’ve lost nearly a stone in 8 weeks on WeightWatchers. I’d been doing resistance training for six months and lost precisely nothing. It only started coming off when I started WW. And it’s just all done on an app by yourself - no need to go to any meetings or anything

Weight loss is 80 percent what you eat.

can you not go at the weekend?

Definitely could do more with my diet. I don't feel I actually eat terribly during the day, always try and eat healthily at work and home but I do like a snack or two when we get chance to sit down at night which ideally needs to stop.

I don't know if it's just me but I have definitely found losing weight through eating a lot harder since having DS. I used to be able to lose weight very quickly, and tbh never even really needed to as i was never overweight, and now it just won't seem to shift off my tummy and I feel deflated and then give up!

I cycled to work, which took 45 mins but still quicker than the bus in rush hour.

I don't much like cycling but it forced exercise in to my day.

Alternate bedtimes and go to the gym at 7, then you both get 2-3 evenings a week where you're able to do something for a couple of hours.

If you trust your DH and he's a competent parent able to comfort his child then you can go out in the evening and leave them to it. It's ok for our kids to be sad on occasion and to not get what they want all the time. In fact it's essential for their development. The main thing is that they have a parent able to support them as they feel their emotions. A book called How to Talk so Little Kids will Listen is really helpful and accessible on this.

I'm sure a lot of it is my personal motivation too. I feel so tired that by the evening I just in all honesty can't think of anything worse than going to the gym at 7/8pm or 4am. I appreciate there are definitely times I could go though if I could be bothered!

I also struggle to love exercise too so end up talking myself out of it because I just want to sit down and enjoy an hour or two of relaxing in an evening and going to the gym instead in the evening doesn't appeal to me.

It's definitely a mindset I struggle with.

I work FT and have two primary age DC. I get up early and go to the gym before work when I'm in the office, and when I WFH I work out from home in the time I'd normally be commuting.

It is hard, especially when you're seriously short on sleep, I know. As PP say, weight loss is diet, though. For me, exercise is essential for mental wellbeing so I've made it an iron discipline. It's a non-negotiable. Routine and discipline will get you further than motivation, which will always come and go.

Sorry agree with PP take turns with bedtime.
My DH is self employed and worked late a lot when kids were little eg 8.30 or 9pm . DD in particular was a PITA about bedtimes until she was about 5, but DH came home "early" (6.30pm) twice a week so we could each do our own sport at least once a week.
Maybe do a class because if you arrange with others to meet at a particular time or go to a class it's easier to stick to.

I've never ever contemplated doing any exercise at 4am though, so I'm with you there! 🤣

Surely you don't need to both be involved in bed time every night as you only have one child? It does sound like are making up excuses to be honest ,it's hard to get motivated for the gym , it's dedication what keeps people going when we are tired and not in the mood. I don't see why your husband can't do bedtime 2 nights a week so you can go to the gym at a reasonable time.

No one just has "motivation" to exercise at the start - you have to create space for it and just do it and then when you are feeling the benefit, that is what keeps you going back.

I would much prefer the sofa! But I have never regretted an exercise class after I have finished it but I do regret skipping one now I am in the habit of going.

I block out two lunch breaks a week and run. Sometimes I take the dog.

It's not ideal, but it's better than nothing.

You haven't actually helped OP there, just informed everyone you like running 😂

At that age it was home workouts all the way! Up and exercising for 6am before kids got up and then it was done and out the way. Alternated with husband so the other one could listen out for the kids waking up.

Now they are teenagers I really appreciate the luxury of being able to go to the gym and not try and fit it in. I’m still up at 6am though!

Agree with previous responses though. Weight loss is mostly food related and tracking what you eat would be a good start.

Can I just point out that perhaps, just maybe, the system, its unrealistic demands, and our productivity-obsessed society is the problem, when people (women, mainly) can't find the time to care for their bodies. Not helpful. But true. Or maybe a bit helpful. You're living in a world that isn't designed for your human needs.

P.S. Going in the morning works for me because then it's done and I don't have to think about it. It wouldn't work for me as a routine to go at 8/9pm because I'm tired by that time. There is a degree of finding a routine that works for you. When my alarm goes off in the morning, I don't think about whether or not I "want" to go. I put on the workout clothes I laid out, shoulder the backpack I prepacked, and get on with it. That's the secret, honestly. You have to just make it a thing you do, not a thing that depends on you feeling like doing it.