Neighbours Autistic daughter

[Ashellwithin]

Good evening all,

I was recommended to seek advice on this forum by a friend. If anyone could advise, I would be very much appreciative.

I have been living in my flat for the past 12 years. During the first few years, we have had to deal with my neighbour's daughter horrific meltdowns (e.g., jumping on the floor, crying). She was 4 or 5 years old at the time and although I did complain to our Local Housing officer about this, I didn't take this any further as she was quite young and did not think it would be taken seriously. Plus, the meltdowns seemed to had settled during the years.

However, now that my neighbour's daughter is a teen, the meltdowns have started all over again and they are much worse. She will curse, shout, bang, throw things, slams doors, runs up and down. She is very loud! On those days where it has gotten too much, I have regrettably shouted to "Keep the noise down!", on a few occasions. But the noise was really grating me.

The neighbour (mum) struggles to calm down her daughter and often takes her out of the house for long periods of duration or I will see them both wandering in the streets (around midnight!). I have also seen quite a few professionals (I'm assuming as they have lanyards) come in and out of her flat which I take is to support the neighbour's daughter. So I do think the neighbour is trying to support her daughter the best way she can. However, the noise is unbearable and I can no longer take it. I have made a formal complaint to the council about the noise and have recorded the daughter's meltdowns as evidence.

Since then, a mediation meeting between the neighbour and I to resolve the matter. The meeting has not taken place yet as the neighbour always has something going on (so wondering if she is avoiding this). But I'm hoping to move to a new property or secretly wishing that they will kick out the neighbours and move them elsewhere.

Other than that, what else can I do? This is taken a toll on my mental health.

So you know she is having a hard time with her child, and you proceed to make matters worse by putting in a formal complaint?

Also, you hope that they get kicked out? Are you delusional? How about you move out, and find a place with no noise - good luck as all you can afford is HA.

People like you make me sick. You just really don't understand and you never will. Get yourself some noise cancelling headphones, and mind your own business.

I agree.

OP has every right to look after her own health and appears to have tolerated intrusive noise for years.

Hopefully the escalation will lead to a remedy or more help for the mother and autistic teenager, or more suitable housing for either party.

It’s ridiculous that the OP simply has to put up and shut up about this.

This is uncalled for.

Then what is your suggestion so that OP and others in similar situations can lead their lives in peace??

Our family is in your neighbour’s situation. We are in a semi-detached house we own. The neighbours are still affected and have banged on the wall on occasion. I understand it must be annoying for them, but not sure what the solution is apart from shipping off our child which isn’t going to happen, or moving into a remote detached place, which isn’t practical or affordable.

@BettyBardMacDonald

I genuinely don't care. I guess I'm just like the OP.

Don't be ridiculous. You obviously have no idea what it's like to live like this, it can and has driven people to suicide. Obviously we all feel for the mother, but she needs support OPs sanity shouldn't be collateral damage. You should feel ashamed of yourself. In fact as you feel so strongly why don't you invite them to come and live next to you.

You don't care that the OP, an innocent bystander, has lost the quiet enjoyment of her home.

Ok then.

@Sweetteaplease

I wish I could, then at least she won't be judged by people who clearly know nothing about Autism.

@BettyBardMacDonald

I would have more sympathy if the OP had gone about it in a different way. She clearly lacks empathy.

Of course you can, PM OP and ask OP for the address. You can move them in tomorrow. It's you who lacks empathy, OP doesn't deserve this.

Why, on every single thread such as these, do people suggest noise cancelling headphones as some kind of magic cure for unbearable noise?

I have run the ENTIRE gamut, including buying incredibly expensive Sony headphones that cost the better part of £400.

There is no such thing as completely noise cancelling headphones: the very good ones damp the sound to a minimum, but they don't completely stop or remove it.

Also, wearing such headphones can be quite discombobulated, as you're essentially cancelling out one of your senses: being unable to hear ANY sound, as a hearing person, feels strange.

It’s tiring dealing with an autistic kid too. It’s also tiring dealing with judgy comments about why you’re out walking at midnight.

No one is saying it isn't, but it doesn't mean it also should take over an innocent neighbours life as well. What would you suggest is a practical solution? Even if OP moves, it is going to cause issues for the next person

The mother chose to have a child, OP didn't, and yet is living as if she's a parent with the noise impacting her life.

My sympathy lies with @Ashellwithin as noises like that - the thumping and crashing alone, never mind the vocalisations- would drive me absolutely insane.

You’re a downright nasty person.

Complaining about YOUR mental health? What about the young girl’s mental health? What about her mother’s mental health? And then now their neighbour is being vile towards them.

If you’re suffering that badly then call the Samaritans, 116 123. Get some therapy. Grow the fuck up. Move out if you have such a problem with it. It’s not their burden to carry.

Actually, OP is disgusting and deserves everything they get. Hope that helps.

And you should be locked up for spouting hateful, archaic views that surmount to the advocacy of eugenics. Absolute vile “human being” you are.

Wow. Why is it OPs burden to carry? Or the next neighbour or the one after that? It's not her child. This is a seriously unhinged comment.

Don’t be so ridiculous! You’re a vile human being for suggesting it’s acceptable for the OP to live with noise levels that drive them to despair. OP is entitled to reasonable peace and quiet in her own home. If her neighbours are not capable of living in a flat without disturbing those living around them then they should be moved somewhere more reasonable whether that be a detached property or residential home. Would you think it acceptable if the noise level drove people to suicidal? I expect you would wouldn’t you as you seem to think only the feelings of the neighbours matter in this situation. That’s just not how life works.

You grow the fuck up. There's absolutely no reason why OP has to live in misery because of someone else's child.

Of course she's complaining about her mental health, because it's suffering. The girl and her mother are not related to the OP and she's not in the slightest way responsible for them.

To be honest them being reported will probably help them in the long run.

"That sounds really hard OP and it’s not fair on you. If the daughter can’t be controlled then she needs to be housed at a residential home or school and not in the community sadly."

No a house rather than a flat would be suitable. This week we have had to put up with the noise from one neighbours DIY and their son spending hours kicking a football against the garden wall, another neighbour's cutting his lawn with a power driven lawn mower every couple of days, someone else's dog loud yapping every time it goes in the garden and their toddlers frequent shrieking. And lots of shrieking from children in paddling pools and bouncing on trampolines.

Noise is part of living in the community.

I'm not going to be mean -- but realistically I think the HA/council will do nothing because there's not going to be any options. Since the child has a disability, if they do offer a swap it's more likely to be you; they can't force the disabled person to move.

As for medication: they have tried using antipsychotics such as risperidone when behaviour is violent. There's serious drawbacks to this approach. There isn't any medication that can control a meltdown as the trigger is often environmental or behavioural.

Institutionalisation is not an option and as people have posted secure beds are like hens' teeth, reserved for children who absolutely cannot be handled at home. Even placements for children where the family is not capable of looking after them anymore aren't easy to find. Relying on family has been the easy option for disabled children and young people.

Noise is part of living in the community

No. Reasonable noise is. This isn't your average noise is it.

"No. Reasonable noise is. This isn't your average noise is it."

Because it is made by a disabled person?