Male friend upset me for ridiculous reason

[pussinboots61]

This is very over the top but I'm very upset. A close male friend of mine, who I confide in over my anxiety, has kicked off (edited by MNHQ) over something so trivial it's unreal. But because I am an anxious person and live on my nerves it's pushing me to the limit.

It's all over a handbag, yes really. The strap had gone on my handbag and the part where it connects was fraying. I was going to buy a new bag but he said I could get it repaired so today I took it to the cobblers and got it mended.

I saw my friend earlier and all was fine. Later I messaged him to tell him my bag is sorted and he replied to say its only cost me £16 to get it mended and I was going to get a new bag. Just conversation, I thought nothing of it and said at least it's sorted now.

But then he went on about it, asked me why was I going to buy a new bag in the first place without thinking of getting it mended myself. I told him it's no longer an issue. Then he told me all I do is listen ro my stress and I'm wasting his time and not to go to him when I'm in a mess.

I couldn't believe it. I got upset and told him so and said I was going for a walk to calm down. When I got home he'd sent me a message telling me to be careful and that he'd go and look for his dummy, more or less admitting that he was in the wrong.

He's usually such a warm caring person, everyone who knows him says the same. I dont know how to handle this at all. Such a normal day and then he kicks off about a handbag and blames my anxiety. Should I just leave him to come round or tell him where to stick it but I don't want to lose him as a friend as he's not usually like this.

English here. I've grown up with the phrase throwing a paddy. Have never ever thought paddy was the same as Paddy short for Patrick. Just thought it was a word like mardy, stroppy etc. I would suggest 95% of people think the same. Although hearing what you are saying does make sense to why the word came about..... I'm not saying we shouldn't be educated....but I really thought a paddy was just a word for a strop. Absolutely no linking it to any race at all. I didn't know and have never heard that the Irish are supposed to be argumentative or some of the other supposed stereotypes listed above.

Throwing a paddy is an awful phrase, MN will delete it when reported. I haven't reported because I think the conversation is worth having every now and again. It's a racist phrase, although of course people who use it without knowing aren't racist.

It absolutely isn't used in any part of Ireland, we would use "Paddy" to jokingly refer to Irish people on occasion (in the reclaiming the word sense, no it's not ok for others to use), but never as a substitute for a tantrum.

@AndSoFinally the equality act includes nationality in its definition of race.

Not as far as I’m aware and when I’ve met the occasional bad tempered drunken Irishman I never thought “he’s throwing a paddy” - I’m not defending any bad tempered drunken people, of any nationality.

Absolutely classic Mumsnet thread, completely derailed with irrelevant bullshit.

You and your pal both sound nuts OP. Why he's giving two shits about your bag dilemma I don't know. Buy whatever you bloody well please. Agree with PP, he likely wants to have sex with you.

Correcting inadvertently racist language is never irrelevant bullshit.

I genuinely didn't know that the term throwing a paddy had any racist connotations. I don't the the OP meant to offend either.To me and to most people it just means having a strop/losing your rag/getting angry.

The term Paddy is a derogatory word to describe an Irish person just like Taff or Taffy is to describe a Welsh person. Both of which I would never use.

Irish, live in Ireland I have only heard that expression used on English TV.

Now that you're thinking about it though, surely you can see how a derogatory word for an Irish person shouldn't be used to describe negative behaviour that has often been stereotyped as Irish?

We should absolutely ban Fairytale of New York lest it offend anyone.

Same Irish in us and would use it and not offensively and none of us would be offended at all

Its largely irrelevant to the thread though, the first poster could have been more articulate in explaining, but one post potentially two would surely be sufficient.

Taff or Taffy is associated with an old rhyme hinting that Welshmen are more likely to be thieves, so I understand why that would cause offence.

He sounds frustrated with you bringing your issues to him instead of being an adult and working through them yourself.

I felt similar with a friend recently. I'd become her 'go-to' adult for the most mundane things because of her anxiety. A bit of guidance to set her on the right path was never enough, it had to be details, often about things I'd have to google as I didn't know myself. We had words in the end as I got really fed up with it.

Why would you ban lyrics from a moment in time? Thats what they were called then. If you can't see the difference between that and using the term Paddy as a word for tantrum in 2024, well there's no help for you.

Don't you know anything about Irish stereotypes?

Sure if people then accepted that it's offensive. But they never do. It always has to descend into a conversation, usually with plenty of Irish relatives who left Ireland generations ago and grew up in a very different context who tooooootally use it, even though most Irish posters will agree they've never once heard it used on the island of Ireland. The first place I came across the phrase was a MN thread many years ago and my jaw literally dropped.

You seem like hardwork.

And about a handbag?

Poor chap needs a break. Maybe be better (for him especially) if you parted company.

I'm Irish. Born and Bred. It is offensive.

Paddy is an offensive term.

'Throwing a Paddy' feeds into the stereotype of the drunken fighting Irish.

Two people have now said it is offensive. That should be enough?
Whether the OP meant it or not.

I was being sarcastic. An Irishman singing about the drunk tank, probably taken there in a paddy wagon. Classic Christmas song loved all over the world - but someone is bound to be offended. The words faggot and slut have already been removed from the song.

Look harder then.

Unless you have lived under a rock all your life.

OP definitely won't be back so we will never know if she now acknowledges the term is offensive. How will we all cope.

Oh, I'm so over nobodies on the Internet taking it upon themselves to "correct" other nobodies about language. Give the info if you must, say you wouldn't use the phrase yourself if you must, but that's all. You don't get to tell anyone else what to say.

Neither have I. I'm Irish too. Living in Ireland. It's offensive.

It’s OK, I’ve reported the thread. We’ve had enough race riots recently without adding to them.

The words faggot and slut have already been removed from the song.

Has it? They play the original version on the radio every Christmas.