Absolutely sick of negativity towards boys

[Notgreatisit]

I have 3 sons , I love being a mother and we both wanted 3 children and we are so lucky to have them. I remember so, so distinctly being pregnant with my third and I had to have minor surgery, I was awake during it and the dr asked me what sex I was having and I said a boy and she was consoling me as I had told her I had two boys already . I was absolutely disgusted tbh and she actually said “ah you are disappointed though really “. I said “absolutely not , that’s a ridiculous comment “.
I’ve had this so much , I never gave it a second thought before kids , I was and am v much kids are kids . The last day I met a woman and she has one son and two daughters and she actually said “I’ve aged 10 years since having my son, I can’t imagine how you cope with with 3” in front of my sons ….. Tons of comments through the years like this, absolutely tons .
I can’t even imagine talking to someone with daughters like this, so so rude and horrible tbh .
My sons are absolutely lovely , they are older now and I’ve a fantastic and close relationship with them . They are interesting, really funny and love hanging out with us . I have a two teen boys and one pre teen and all easy going and lovely . They are and always have been extremely physical but also as a female I am too , I’m in my late 30’s and still into climbing and surfing etc . My friends are all older having kids and the talk is shocking ; “fingers crossed we are having a girl”! Etc etc . in front of me and others with boys. My friend just texted me this evening re. another friend with “it’s a girl, she’s so happy and relieved “ 🤷‍♀️
I was viciously bullied by a girl mentally and physically in secondary school, I work as a secondary teacher and I find individuals difficult and in fact on the whole it’s the parents of girls who are stressed out of their minds and struggling in Teenage years, in mn the vast majority of parents of teens struggling have girls . I don’t at all think girls are harder than boys or boys harder than girls ,children are individuals and their challenges with everyone . The only noticeable difference I found in reality is that my boys were way ,way more physically active when young and now to be honest. I’m presuming that’s something natural maybe or hormonal and people don’t like it. If I had a penny for my friends with both boys and girls say “ she’s so easy by comparison, she’s so quiet and draws
and colours etc …” obviously pre teen.
The negativity towards boys is awful, my older sons notice it now too.

People assume that people with multiple children are trying for the child they don't have albeit boy or girl. We have 5 daughters and are often met with poor you was you trying for a boy.

But thar doesn't explain the other rude comments

Meh people say stupid stuff all the time. Just ignore.

I remember hearing an interview with the mother of a famous American comedian. He was quite into physical comedy. He learned it at home with his two brothers in Chicago.
She said her three boys were good boys, and aside from having to replace a few coffee tables from roughhousing, they never got into serious trouble.
The woman was the mother of Saturday Night Live cast member Chris Farley, who died at 33 from a drug overdose in ‘97 like his idol John Belushi, who also died at 33 from a drug overdose in ‘82.
Chris’s close friend, Adam Sandler, can’t speak of Chris without choking up. Chris’s friends still speak of him frequently and honorably.
I just think, if it wasn’t for the damn drugs. So many great talents lost.

Whenever I think of mothers and sons. I think of Mrs. Farley and her multiple coffee tables.
I don’t think Mrs. Farley would trade her three boys either, @Notgreatisit - as it should be.
Your post was lovely.

I'm beginning to think this negative view of boys is an English thing (Scots? Welsh?) as I have never come across this in Ireland (i'm in the north). Sons here are worshipped by their mums, and sons are often the ones to check up on them. When my brother comes home my mum's eyes light up (she mentioned him today). It seems that in other western countries boys are not viewed the way they are in England either.

The gender disappointment thread is bloody awful.

The prize is being allowed to call out discrimination, only women seem to be allowed to do that in your view

yet again, you’ve missed what I said about, my son being punched in the throat, and have simply flipped back to unnecessarily explaining to me (because already know and it’s not mansplaining, women do it too. It’s just ‘splaining) that women continue to struggle against inequality and violence.

none of that negates,
the fact that people are recounting stories of the male children being treated as inferior, your bloody-minded determination to ignore this tells me you don’t care about it. Because they are boys . that’s so grim.

I had a girl first then a boy, now in their early thirties. When I had my son so many people congratulated me on having a boy, and especially on having produced one of each, as if I'd done something amazing, it was ridiculous.
Back then having a boy was something many people wanted, I wonder when the tide turned?
I just wanted healthy normal babies, which I fortunately did have.
For what it's worth I found my son an immensely easier child and teenager, and have a closer relationship with him than with my daughter to be honest. But I don't think that's because he's male, I think it's because our personalities, values and outlooks are similar so I understand him better, whereas that's not the case with my daughter.

I interpret her comment as meaning a shame you didn’t have one of the opposite sex, since you already had two boys. I know someone who had four sons and tried once more for a daughter and got a fifth son — by their accounts they were gutted, but it was in good faith. The fifth son is of course very loved and in on the joke. I don’t think it’s that deep, personally.

If you wanted an arseholes opinion you'd fart - what I line I'm nicking that one.

Definitely agree people opening their mouths without engaging brain.
4 years of trying for second child, IUI, IVF, and the first thing that came out MILs mouth was a stupid comment about hoping it's a girl - No congratulations - WTF?

BTW My owns Dads version was "opening your mouth and letting your belly rumble"

I knew a woman who was pregnant with her third child...she had two boys. I asked her if she knew the sex of her baby...she told me it was a boy. I said oh how lovely congratulations....she looked at me like I was crazy and told me she wished she was having a girl. Sometimes you can't win whatever you say!

And you’re pretty rude “tbh”.

You've made several unpleasant comments about girls while bemoaning how your boys are spoken about.

My point was that yours viewing through a skewed lens and ignoring the many, many posters on this thread alone who are telling you that they get unpleasant comments about multiple girls.

My point was that parents of multiple children of either sex have to put up with comments, not just the parents of boys as you’re insisting is the case.

Several posters on this thread have suggested that you’re perhaps a bit sensitive and you’ve strenuously denied it. Your responses suggest otherwise.

Before having my children I secretly just wanted girls. I had my girl first (I was so happy) and then two boys.
My boys are so much more loving towards me than my daughter is.
They are much more willing to spend time with me. I definitely realised how silly gender bias is.

I can so relate to this!! I have four boys and I am sick of people asking if we’re going to try once more for a girl!! I’d be lying if I didn’t say a tiny part of me would have liked a little girl but it just wasn’t meant to be and my boys are my life and I can’t wait to watch them grow into young men xx

In the UK there is definitely a preference towards girls. But I’m from a culture where people would rather have a boy. Especially women. Girls are seen as mean and spiteful and boys “forever love their mums”.

Ironically in your post you have shown bias towards girls based on your own experience. I think so much of it comes from experience.

Although women still have a long way to go with equality, let’s face it, boys get bad press because men get bad press. They are seen as scary and Pervy and we can’t walk alone at night because of their bad behaviour.

When we start praising good men, and stop painting every man with the same pain brush - I believe we will see more positivity towards boys.

Afterall boys become men and girls become women (typically - but this is sometimes forgotton).

Many women long to have a daughter and just assume others do too. And people often want one of each, so they see a woman with 3 sons and assume she was hoping the third would be a girl (2 kids being the recognised standard!).

I agree the 'boys are a handful' trope is annoying, but as you've said yourself, they are often more physical when they're young. I think it's more offensive to little girls to be portrayed as passive by comparison, tbh.

Yes, I was relieved that I was having a boy since I had a horrible relationship with my mum and was nervous about the mother daughter relationship.

BUT, and this was the point I was making, I would not have DREAMT of speaking of my sense of excellent fortune to a parent of 3 girls (so). It would have been incredibly fucking rude of me to tell (say) my mate with 4 girls how relieved I was that I was having a boy, as if to say “poor you with all your girls”…

yes I was a child in the 80s too and I very much felt boys were favoured too. I was very aware my brother was the favourite In our family including the wider family. I also noticed it with other families who had boys&girls the boys were always put on a pedestal. I very much felt second class just by being a girl. I actually think that's why I grew up lacking in confidence and timid as I never felt good enough. I'm glad things are much better for girls now.

I hear far more negativity about girls how difficult they are, manipulative nightmares when teenagers and so on

and I think if you have more then one unless a mix people will always make comments about this

it’s not nice to heard negativity about your child/children

This.

OP if you want a giggle I recommend you search on youtube for an episode of the old show Malcolm in the Middle in which the mum (of 4 boys) fantasises about what it would be like if her kids were all girls. It stereotypes a bit and is very far fatched but demonstrates brilliantly that the grass isn't always greener.

Kids are kids at the end of the day. They all come with their challenges and their delights regardless of gender. I totally get what you mean though there does seem to be a bias towards little girls and I imagine it's extremely frustrating as a boy mum

I think that's maybe not that far from the truth in terms of girls being nightmares when teenagers (on average, when in groups). At that age, boys are relatively easy to parent (on average); you largely need to keep them a) alive, and b) out of jail, and in return they're often self-sufficient.

The trade-off for that is that before the teens, girls are often much easier to parent and much more presentable to the outside world...whereas boys are a constant "FFS, what's he done/said/broken now???? AND WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ALL OVER HIS FACE?" edition of Groundhog Day, and it's worse when they're quiet. By the teenage years, they've either learned to behave themselves or how not to get caught.

Basically, choose your nightmare. Done well, though, they all even themselves out by their 20s and are usually pretty decent people.

That's just my experience of having three (much) younger brothers, versus having a daughter, mind. I definitely appreciate that it's not everybody's.

I have never heard anyone making comments like this. I do find people assume you want a girl and a boy, rather than all girls or all boys.
I find people excuse behaviour from boys they would not from girls. And I hear some parents complain about how their teenage girls are behaving, but ignoring the equally challenging behaviour of their teenage boys.
Kids are individuals.

People talk shit…it smacks of a complete lack of self awareness. We have 2 boys and 2 girls…I was with my youngest DD some years ago and bumped into an old school friend I’d not seen for years. She asked about my family and said that she wished she’d had boys as girls were ‘awful bitches’ I put my arm around my DD and said ‘all of our children are fabulous’
Your gorgeous boys have a fabulous mum and they’ll know that….ignore the stupid idiots who always have something to say whatever the situation.

I have two ds's and completely understand where you are coming e, OP. Throughout both pregnancies, I had my DM and mil constantly reminding me that they were expecting me to produce a girl - the pressure ramped up when I was expecting ds2. Every time saw either of them they would comment, even when dh basically told them to remember the MCs I had had and to shut up and be grateful for a dgc, regardless of sex. Didn't stop them. My boys are now adults and are good, decent men. They are thoughtful, and look out for dh and I. They are good partners/ husbands and the one who has dcs, is an excellent dad. My mum never did get her girl - both me and my sibling had all boys and all my mum's ggc are boys too. I think boys are wonderful.

I don’t think there is more negativity towards boys than girls.

There’s so much “oh girls are bitches, boys just get on with it” or “boys wreck your house, girls wreck your head”.

I have one of each btw

I have 3 adult sons, I love them all very much, but I still wanted a girl. They know this and know it doesn’t mean I love them any less, but that I would have liked someone to do more girly stuff with. We’ve had the conversations around stereotypes and how a girl might not necessarily have been into ballet and embroidery and shopping like me, and it’s a bit of a family joke.
People did comment when they were little, but it was always good humored and just making conversation.