Absolutely sick of negativity towards boys

[Notgreatisit]

I have 3 sons , I love being a mother and we both wanted 3 children and we are so lucky to have them. I remember so, so distinctly being pregnant with my third and I had to have minor surgery, I was awake during it and the dr asked me what sex I was having and I said a boy and she was consoling me as I had told her I had two boys already . I was absolutely disgusted tbh and she actually said “ah you are disappointed though really “. I said “absolutely not , that’s a ridiculous comment “.
I’ve had this so much , I never gave it a second thought before kids , I was and am v much kids are kids . The last day I met a woman and she has one son and two daughters and she actually said “I’ve aged 10 years since having my son, I can’t imagine how you cope with with 3” in front of my sons ….. Tons of comments through the years like this, absolutely tons .
I can’t even imagine talking to someone with daughters like this, so so rude and horrible tbh .
My sons are absolutely lovely , they are older now and I’ve a fantastic and close relationship with them . They are interesting, really funny and love hanging out with us . I have a two teen boys and one pre teen and all easy going and lovely . They are and always have been extremely physical but also as a female I am too , I’m in my late 30’s and still into climbing and surfing etc . My friends are all older having kids and the talk is shocking ; “fingers crossed we are having a girl”! Etc etc . in front of me and others with boys. My friend just texted me this evening re. another friend with “it’s a girl, she’s so happy and relieved “ 🤷‍♀️
I was viciously bullied by a girl mentally and physically in secondary school, I work as a secondary teacher and I find individuals difficult and in fact on the whole it’s the parents of girls who are stressed out of their minds and struggling in Teenage years, in mn the vast majority of parents of teens struggling have girls . I don’t at all think girls are harder than boys or boys harder than girls ,children are individuals and their challenges with everyone . The only noticeable difference I found in reality is that my boys were way ,way more physically active when young and now to be honest. I’m presuming that’s something natural maybe or hormonal and people don’t like it. If I had a penny for my friends with both boys and girls say “ she’s so easy by comparison, she’s so quiet and draws
and colours etc …” obviously pre teen.
The negativity towards boys is awful, my older sons notice it now too.

I had two boys and was constantly told I was lucky as girls were harder work. Heard 'Boys mess with your heart, girls mess with your head' on more than one occasion. Utter bullshit, obviously.

I have two boys, my daughter passed away. I have encountered this attitude a few times, I actually pity someone who values their child based on gender alone. When I found out I was having a boy with my youngest, I was really happy, any fears of 'gender disappointment' were instantly gone. My boys have a lovely bond, i miss my daughter so much, but I love all my children equally. I was blessed with two boys, and they are precious to me. Anyone who tries to undermine that isn't worth my time

We are girls though, we think well I am a girl I have experience of being a girl. So.. surely that would make me better prepared to raise one. We aware of our own relationship with our parents and that of our OH and on that basis want a girl because they will want to live closer to us and spent Christmas with us when they're adults. If we're honest there is also the (definitely a pre kids concern) 'girls have nicer clothes' brigade. Like they're our dolls and we won't regret every accessory and intricate outfit when they're vomming on it and crawling through the mud 😅

Then if we are lucky enough we have a boy 🤣 from a mum of 2 boys who had gender disappointment with her 2nd despite being a tomboy and in reality way better suited to raising boys if she had actually properly thought about it! And we put those assumptions onto other people because it seems logical when it isn't and don't realise it would be offensive until we have brilliant boys of our own 🙈

I’m sorry you’ve had such awful comments. I’m a mother of 4 girls and my sister has 3 boys. People always assume that my sister must be struggling to manage where it’s a breeze for me with things like you said “colouring and dancing”
My sisters boys, while very physical too are absolutely lovely. They are kind and relaxed boys. My girls are hellions! That being said, I completely agree with some of the other posters. It’s the children individually and not because of their gender.
Your boys sound lovely and it’s obviously a credit to their upbringing. ❤️

I don’t mean to generalise, but I think some Mums want a ‘mini me’ BBF and some Dads want a ‘Princess’.

*BFF

I had this with my two girls, lots 'oh shame it wasn't a boy so you could have one of each' and 'are you going to try for a boy'. When I did have a boy (accidental pregnancy) I then got 'you must be so happy to finally have a boy' Honestly made me so ragey!

Sounds like you don't like girls very much OP?

I agree with you. It is so toxic that mindset.

I have girls, and when I was pregnant with my second a woman in the toddler group I went to asked me if I knew what I was having. When I said a girl, she looked sympathetic and said “oh better luck next time”. She was a lovely person, but from a culture which values sons more than daughters. In many places around the world a son is seen as more important than a daughter. I think when you only have one sex people tend to comment, so I get a lot of “oh dear, teenage girls” type comments, “boys are so much easier” tends to be the main one. All my friends have sons, and I think they would say that too. So I don’t see an anti-boy bias in my circles at all.
Often women want daughters because they think they will stay closer to them in adulthood , and I do think that adult women put more work and effort into their parents as they get older, than sons do, obviously with individual exceptions. So many of my friends now have elderly Mums who they care for a lot, whereas their brothers just pitch up now and again.

Ah, I know what you’re talking about about. I felt gutted when I had my DD because there were comments suggesting she’d made up for the disappointment I must have felt after having my DS. I kept trying to prove how pleased I was with him. I forgot about that feeling til now 😔.

"Stop hating rabbits. Rabbits are just as good as gerbils."
"So you hate gerbils?"

I really really did not want a girl. I got a boy

No, it its more like: Rabbits are so wonderful, people should not be allowed to say a bad word about rabbits (even if no one said a bad word). And btw. your gerbils are smelly.

i mean you've made derogatory comment about girls in your OP.

I think it probably swings both way and people often have opinions and something to say regarding either sex.

The point of the thread was that MANY people are saying bad things about "rabbits".

I have 3 wonderful sons and when I had my DS3 quite a few people said
" oh dear another boy? Aren't you disappointed"
I was thrilled with my healthy son, who was born safely
Their personalities are all different despite having the same bits between their legs!

No one told op, according to her own recollection, such disgusting things she felt ok to say about girls. People saying boys are physical and lively are not mean.

Yes but the exact OP is more “many people are saying bad things about rabbits which is unfair…. Because it’s gerbils that are the bullies and difficult teens.”

Is this in America? Because this is the only place I ever hear of this weirdness.

Indeed. Not to mention that rabbits are by far the most prominent of the two, with gerbils typically just seen as a companion for them. Rabbits are the default pet, and the odd person saying they prefer gerbils isn't likely to change that and relegate rabbits to second class anytime soon.

I could not agree more OP. I have two wonderful boys who are the joy of my life. I also had a girl who was my firstborn who passed away.

Recently I was at a work event and had not seen people for over a year as I have just come back to work after maternity with my youngest. People were asking how the boys were which was lovely, aside from one woman who is well aware about the passing of DD and who said to me as she walked away, 'you'll have to try for a girl now'.

I wish I had said something as she walked off because it was incredibly hurtful on several levels. I actually do have a girl, she just isn't here with us anymore and it hurt me that she didn't remember that. Even if I had never had DD, her comment about having to try for a girl makes it seem as if my boys aren't enough and my life and family aren't enough or complete without also having a girl. I would love to have my DD here with us as well as my boys but the fact that she's not and I don't have any other girls doesn't mean my beautiful boys are any less without her. These sorts of 'innocent' comments are anything but and it really really hurt, angered and upset me.

This is awful 😞 Please don't let that thoughtless comment hurt you any longer, what was she thinking! I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter.

I have both boys and girls. I did want girls but not because they're easier - nonsense anyway. It's because of all the negativity about mils on mumsnet. I'd love to be involved with my grandkids if we're lucky enough to have them. Judging by how most women talk about their mils that might not be possible with my sons.