Absolutely sick of negativity towards boys

[Notgreatisit]

I have 3 sons , I love being a mother and we both wanted 3 children and we are so lucky to have them. I remember so, so distinctly being pregnant with my third and I had to have minor surgery, I was awake during it and the dr asked me what sex I was having and I said a boy and she was consoling me as I had told her I had two boys already . I was absolutely disgusted tbh and she actually said “ah you are disappointed though really “. I said “absolutely not , that’s a ridiculous comment “.
I’ve had this so much , I never gave it a second thought before kids , I was and am v much kids are kids . The last day I met a woman and she has one son and two daughters and she actually said “I’ve aged 10 years since having my son, I can’t imagine how you cope with with 3” in front of my sons ….. Tons of comments through the years like this, absolutely tons .
I can’t even imagine talking to someone with daughters like this, so so rude and horrible tbh .
My sons are absolutely lovely , they are older now and I’ve a fantastic and close relationship with them . They are interesting, really funny and love hanging out with us . I have a two teen boys and one pre teen and all easy going and lovely . They are and always have been extremely physical but also as a female I am too , I’m in my late 30’s and still into climbing and surfing etc . My friends are all older having kids and the talk is shocking ; “fingers crossed we are having a girl”! Etc etc . in front of me and others with boys. My friend just texted me this evening re. another friend with “it’s a girl, she’s so happy and relieved “ 🤷‍♀️
I was viciously bullied by a girl mentally and physically in secondary school, I work as a secondary teacher and I find individuals difficult and in fact on the whole it’s the parents of girls who are stressed out of their minds and struggling in Teenage years, in mn the vast majority of parents of teens struggling have girls . I don’t at all think girls are harder than boys or boys harder than girls ,children are individuals and their challenges with everyone . The only noticeable difference I found in reality is that my boys were way ,way more physically active when young and now to be honest. I’m presuming that’s something natural maybe or hormonal and people don’t like it. If I had a penny for my friends with both boys and girls say “ she’s so easy by comparison, she’s so quiet and draws
and colours etc …” obviously pre teen.
The negativity towards boys is awful, my older sons notice it now too.

Every one of these threads about negativity towards boys ends up with post after post of negativity about girls. It’s all just (what I thought were) outdated stereotypes of the boisterous boys vs bitchy girls.

Same with the gender disappointment threads. I’ve noticed people prefer girls because they have better clothes as babies and will visit the family home as an adult. Hardly a ringing endorsement for girls and says more about societal expectations and stereotypes than anything else.

Whilst it can’t be pleasant to hear the same boring negative stereotypes about boys, you’d probably have just as many annoying borderline offensive comments if you had girls. And obviously it’s worse for anyone who has more than one of the same sex when everyone assumes one of each is the ideal.

A random woman called my DD a tart the other day for smiling at a man in a doctors waiting room and she’s not even had her first birthday…. so swings and roundabouts OP.

Why in order to big up boys do we have to put girls down?
My dd is not bitchy, or expensive is drama free and as a teen has become my best friend so I’ve already shattered some of the many myths peddled about girls.
And in most parts of the world males are still favoured so if they are slightly favoured in some western countries then I actually think it makes a nice change.

All I've ever heard is "girls are hard, boys are easy, boys are so loving" or the "well, she is a girl"
Honestly it's always the girls that get the stick !

It’s very rude to say such things.

Anecdotally the only pattern I’ve noticed on sexist comments is from the mums of boys themselves. It’s odd. Intelligent like minded women as well - sort of fretting and coming out with all the cliches in an out of character way.

Also with regard to “difficult “ teens that’s entirely personality driven. There does seem to be sex specific issues - gaming less of an issue for girls over use of social media less of an issue for boys.

Goes the other way too op. When I had my 2nd dd loads believed I would be disappointed in fact I had wanted dd1 to have a sister. Unfortunately the one who got the brunt of my annoyance was my lovely grandpa whom got told "no it was what I ordered" when he asked.

Ds arrived 2 years later and lots of "you got your boy you can stop now..." errr we had not gone for a 3rd for a boy. Theb dd3 arrived and these days wheb I say we have 3 dd and 1 ds we almost always get "your poor ds"

In truth all 4 are amazing I wouldn't have wanted my life without any of them. I am particularly close to ds as he is very like me so I find him very easy company. (Also close to the dd but we have 100% got daddies girls in our house)

I do know what you mean about people saying boys are somehow harder. In truth I've found ds easier than his sisters. His needs were more physical where as his sisters needs are emotional and that can take more time and delicacy.

They are all on their 20s now and if I could go back and change any of them I'd be no tnx I will have the 4 of them all over again just as they are.

I’m very happy to have a son. My whole life has been filled with pain from being female - periods, sexual abuse, pregnancy, childbirth, and now debilitating menopause. DH on the other hand is sailing through life with no problems. He still has all of his hormones. He got to have kids with no physical injuries or disfigurement. He’s not flushing and burning and twitching and suffering pain. He’s not going to be on HRT medication for the rest of his life.

If I had a daughter I’d feel so sad about the pain and trauma she’s going to experience. I’m glad my son is going to get off scot free. That’s before you even consider all of the discrimination, inequality, getting the kids dumped on you and ruining your life while the man swans off and keeps his career.

A lot of mums prefer daughters because they want their child to be like themselves. I can’t understand that - you know how you’ve suffered so why would you want your child to go through that too?

I have two boys. When I meet someone who has more sons than I do, I always think “gosh, you must have to mop your toilet floor constantly”. My boys are 2 and 5 and “miss the target” allllll the time.

I don't agree with you either @Notgreatisit .

I think most boys have a tendency to be more boisterous in play, so they can appear to be 'hard work' and they also mature more slowly emotionally (that's a fact.)

But there's a range of behaviour across boys/girls.

I think some of the comments you have had are based on the premise that some parents want 'one of each' or at least a mix of sexes.

I've heard the same comments about parents with 'all girls' - that they will be nightmare teens, always hogging the bathroom, into clothes, and make up all over, etc etc.

These are stereotypes and don't apply to every family.

I tell mine to wee sitting down. Problem solved!

I have an ex boyfriend who peed sitting down. It gave me the complete ick 😂😂

I’ll just keep my mop handy!

I wouldn't worry too much about getting the ick when they are 2 and 5!

I was trying to be polite and jovial. Obviously that is too subtle for you.

So here it is plainly:

I don’t want to make my boys pee sitting down. I don’t want to raise boys who pee sitting down.

Ok?

I have boys too and always wonder what having a girl would be like.
But my boys are brilliant.

Jeez chill out! 😂 Just felt it was a handy tip! The ick comment was just a bit weird.

You think it’s weird to not want to encourage a behaviour in your sons which you disliked in your exes?

i have never watched my partner go to the loo - wouldn’t know if he stood or not. I’d much rather get my son to sit down than mop us piss all the time.

I thought it was slightly weird to apply getting the ick about watching a grown man piss to a tip about avoiding pissy floors with very little children who struggle to aim, yes.

I’d rather allow my sons to learn things, make mistakes and get better. To teach them to mop up after themselves as their dad does.

Each to their own.

That's fair enough and to be honest I think that's the most important thing here, that they learn to keep the toilet clean regardless of how they piss.

As I said upthread, I found it infuriating to hear "sympathy/consolation" comments about having a boy which were all centred on how awful girls are.

Everyone guessed that DS would be a girl on the ILs side (my mum would never, she still gets ragey after being asked if she were disappointed that I was a girl). I think it was a bit of wish fulfilment because they're all boys on that side.

Whilst my husband was trying to tell her the sex, MIL was spewing guesses that my FOETUS was a girl based on its movements. Then was audibly neutral that he was a boy. Before telling us boys were better than girls. She still does this every time we see her.

I can’t even imagine talking to someone with daughters like this, so so rude and horrible tbh.

I think you neeed to get some perspective. It’s well known girls are aborted in huge numbers the world over, purely for being female. It’s also well known that in many, many places girls are considered second class.

I have a colleague who loves to say that girls are given to women who were horrible teenagers and boys are given to women who deserve to find true love.

There are plenty of people who say horrible things about girls as well, OP, don’t worry.

I’m really lucky and have two boys - I’ve never had any negative comments but I’m in Australia and I think there’s just less commenting on random things like that anyway.
Personally I didn’t mind what I had but I did hope for two of the same. Anecdotally people with girls seemed to find the early years easier and are now finding the teen years much harder, but each time passes doesn’t it? Then you move on to the next time and that has its good and bad bits too.

I've experienced this too. I've also got 3 boys and the general consensus from people when I was pregnant with my 3rd was that I absolutely must have wanted a girl. Even the sonographer, after I said we had 2 boys at home, said 'oh dear looks like another boy, maybe next time'! MIL asked if we'd try again and told us to keep going for a girl when we told her DS3 was a boy. Friends saying to keep trying for a little princess. Comments from total strangers about boys being little menaces or monsters. I had 2 miscarriages before DS3, I was just utterly thrilled to be having another baby, the girl comments really put a dampener on it tbh. No more babies for us and I'm so content with my boys.

For contrast though, I have a friend with 4 girls (2 sets of twins) and she gets lots of comments about needing a boy to break up the bitching, how hard 4 teenage girls will be, 4 girls to worry about getting pregnant, clothes and make up everywhere etc. So I do think it works both ways if you have all girls or all boys.